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Who: Celeste Blackwell and the fleet
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Can be found sulking around the SS Golden kitchen
When: Feb 6, evening

[The last time this girl appeared on the network, she was in quite a hot rage, so it might be odd to see her looking quiet and pensive now. Sad, despite a slight smile, to those who really look closely.]

I've been away for awhile - don't ask, I don't quite understand it myself - but apparently I've come back just in time for Valentine's Day to be around the corner. And normally I'd be the last person to bring up something like this, but...

[But what? She doesn't say, just asks her question.]

... have you ever been in love? What were they like? What really made you think "My god, this is the one" when there are so many other people out there who might've been just as good? And I mean, if you're in love right now and you still want to answer, it needn't be past tense. I suppose - I just don't quite understand this either, I never have, but that doesn't stop it from happening.

[She appears to be at a loss for a moment, before shaking her head and chuckling to herself.]

My mates would laugh themselves sick if they could hear me now.

[And that's all.]

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[With everything that's been going on with Riona, with her husband showing up but not knowing her and not really being able to talk about it but needing to, this post calls out to her. And this woman is asking for a reason, she suspects. Curiosity or comfort, who knows. She thinks on it for a long time before she answers, her voice soft.]

I confess that I don't know what this Valentine's Day is, but as to your query...

[She smiles, her expression distant as she finds the words.]

I married the man I love. We went through a lot together, and he was a bright spot in my life when everything seemed dark. He taught me how to laugh again, and helped me be more myself. I felt a connection with him very quickly and it's been there ever since. He loves me for who I am and not for what I am. When I had nothing he gave me everything. He can be unsure of himself and awkward, but he's one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. And one of the strongest, even if he does not always believe it.

That and we both have the same terrible sense of humor.

Valentine's Day is many things to many people. A cynical cash grab targeting soppy romantics and couples who can't work out how to show affection without a holiday especially for it, a day to terrorize singletons with the reminder that they're still single and all these other people aren't, a day to rub your relationship in everyone's faces, the day before a ton of unsold chocolate gets marked down to half price...

[Wait, that's taken her right off course. It was satisfying, but the story is much more what this is about, and she listens raptly until the last bit makes her laugh aloud. It's a relief to laugh through the pang in her chest.]

That is vital, I think. When someone can be ridiculous in the exact same way you can, and you feed off each other until anyone who walked in would think you were both complete nutters... [Her smile fades to something softer, but not quite so sad.] ... it's like your own world the two of you can escape to, laughing at the same things.

[Most of that explanation kind of goes over her head. Commercialism and its holidays aren't a thing where she's from. She wouldn't even be familiar with the concept of capitalism. Yay for being from a medieval fantasy setting! So she just... nods and goes along with it until she talks about the relevant parts.]

Yes, that sounds just right. Inside jokes and the same skewed perspective on things. [This woman sounds almost nostalgic, and it makes Riona's heart go out to her.] Did you know someone who made you feel that way as well?

[Just as she's about to answer, a particular memory of just such a moment hits her with such force that she bursts out laughing. It takes a second for her to calm herself enough to explain.]

We - we had an ice cream fight in the middle of a fancy dress ball. I hate fancy dress, but it was my first real chance to meet new people in a new place, so I got all dolled up and - I don't even remember why they had tables full of ice cream there, but we were arguing over which flavours were the most ridiculous, and before I knew it we were flinging spoonfuls at each other. Literally everyone I'd been at those sort of events with in the past would've been horrified that I would muck up my dress and make a spectacle of myself, but he just dragged me out onto the dance floor. Because of course the most sensible thing was to dance after all that, both of us covered in sugary milk with our clothes all sticking together.

[Although she started the story laughing, she's crying by the end. Still, it's not really mournful - she hasn't lost him completely. It would be a betrayal to mourn him when she promised to keep her faith that he'd find her again.]

[She listens to the whole story, her eyes widening and her heart clenching as the laughter turns into tears. A pang of guilt hits her; perhaps she shouldn't have pried.]

He sounds like a wonderful person. At least, he certainly doesn't seem to mind a mess. [Said in a light teasing tone. She smiles a little.] Those are the best kind of memories to hold onto.

He's really the most wonderful person in the world. I haven't any need to meet the whole world to say so, I'll still say it with the utmost confidence.

[Eventually, she manages to return the smile, and the warmth in it says all that words really can't.]

It just - it wasn't anything I was looking for, ever. I'd sworn off the entire idea, love and relationships and all that, before I'd ever even been in a proper relationship. Good mates who could scratch the necessary itches without things needing to get weird and intense were perfect for me.

[She sees a lot of herself in this woman, at least in the way she talks about this man. So much of it resonates with how Riona feels, and it reminds her of how much she misses her husband. She remembers how she thought she'd never find anyone she'd love as much as she loved him, either. And that was barely a year and a half ago.

As Celeste finishes, Riona realizes that she's started crying as well. Stubbornly she wipes the tears away, forcing her smile to return.]

Falling and being in love is such a scary thing. I'd written it off, too, once upon a time, for a number of reasons. [Those reasons are where her experience differed from Celeste's, but that was a minor detail.] How lucky we both are, to have found someone we love so much.

Is he... waiting for you, back in your world?

Good lord, I'll have everyone in the fleet crying before long. What have I started.

[That's said with complete good nature. She knows the many different emotions that can bring on tears, and how many aren't negative at all.]

It is, it's terrifying, nearly every single moment. I don't know how it can be so perfect and still be so scary, but it really is. Even Caleb was scared sometimes and love was the most natural thing in the world to him.

[But in the end, he held the same fears about letting someone see every single side and facet of him as she did. And that only made her love him more, as impossible as it seemed in those days before she left.

At Riona's question, there's a moment where she visibly tries to steel herself against a strong reaction, then gives up.]

No. We're from different worlds. But... the city where we met, it grants people wishes of a sort for being there... his is to be able to travel across universes, time, without any boundaries at all. So when he leaves, he'll be able to find me again, and he says he will.

It'd be foolish not to be a little terrified. Love is sublime and powerful, but it's also so consuming. Your defenses are utterly stripped and that person has a grip on your own heart. One wrong move and it wrenches painfully.

It's a kind of insanity, isn't it?

[A part of her suspected that her answer would not be a happy one, given her tears earlier and the nostalgia. But Riona feels no less heartbroken for her.]

I am so sorry for your separation. I sincerely hope he'll find his way to you, wherever you are. Perhaps he'll wind up here? [Atroma seems capable of pulling anyone from anywhere.]

It is. It absolutely is. But he'd already seen through me, I think he always could, and - somehow that fear turned into comfort. Relief, even. Finding someone who truly knows you is mad enough, but when it's someone who also encourages you to be that person instead of always protecting yourself...

[She lets out a helpless little sigh. This kind of talk isn't the easiest thing in the world for her, but Riona's offered just the right blend of comfort and understanding to keep the words pouring out. She's only just catching herself now, realizing how much she's really revealed.]

Well. It's tiring after awhile, isn't it? Always protecting yourself. I could relax with him, and that was how he liked it best.

[When she brings up Caleb coming here, Celeste winces a bit, tugged two ways by conflicting emotions.]

I think part of me would hate to see him here. He could never really settle in an environment like this, even with me here. But... obviously I'm not so selfless that all of me would hate it. No one could be.

Someone who knows you well enough and still loves you for it. Even because of it. So simple a concept and yet, staggering. Despite people's best intentions, we can still be absolute monsters. It's amazing we're capable of love and being loved.

[Riona's happy to listen; there's always something to be learned from people. And sometimes people just need an ear.]

Funnily enough, it was a bit of the other way around for he and I. Not that I don't protect myself in some ways, too, but he was in many ways the more guarded one. And being the one he opened up to and could relax around, it's a wonderful feeling, knowing someone trusts you that much. A little scary, but wonderful.

[She nods, understanding all too well.]

It's quite a conflict, isn't it? I feel the exact same way. I want my husband here to go through this with me. He's my partner. But I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone, either.

I hadn't thought of it from the other side. [And thinking about it makes her soften a lot, because it's a whole new reason to respect and care for Caleb.] I think I confused him quite often, because affection that was utterly normal and natural for him would send me into a panic. But he was very patient, and... maybe he felt the same way. Maybe it was the same sort of honour.

[After a brief pause, she lets out a nervous little giggle, and Riona will get to see the first example of Celeste's guard as she realizes and tries to laugh off what's just happened - and has been happening for quite awhile.]

Good lord, I have been going on, haven't I? I honestly didn't mean to unload my entire sob story when I asked this question, I was meant to be asking about other people. And you don't know the first thing about me, not even my name.

He may have. He certainly sounds like he did.

[Admittedly, Riona's surprised at how much she's told this woman she barely knows, and how much Celeste has told her. But given how much she's had to hide and side step around honest answers since she's arrived here, the honesty is a refreshing change of pace. She's sort of needed this, really.]

We sort of both have, to be fair. [She grins.] But you're right, we haven't exchanged names, have we? Wow, my manners really got away from me this time. [Honesty hour does that to you.] Riona Cousland.

[That makes two of them. She's needed it for a very long time, having given herself over to masks of nonchalance and disdain for so long because she was fearful of anyone seeing the incredible weakness beneath them. Somehow, the pain she's felt since being here just got too great to hide behind a mask, at least for the duration of this post and its conversations.]

I'm Celeste Blackwell. And I've never been much on manners, so you needn't worry about me holding it against you. [She smiles in return, soft but genuine.] It's just been... so few people really knew me before I went to Eudio, hardly anyone, and then somehow I learned to let people in. I suppose I got used to sharing very quickly, so when I came here with all of this trapped up inside me and no one I knew at all...

[It was going to explode eventually, and she's sure Riona can see where she's going with that.]

.., I expect I'll be mortified about all this, if you give me a month or two.

Pleasure to meet you. And thank you, as I usually hold it against myself too much. My mother would be proud.

[Another familiar story. Well, mostly. Minus the Eudio bit, as this is Riona's first rodeo with being interdimensionally transported to another realm. But she knows all about keeping things pent up.]

You lost your support web. I've found myself with the same issue. The people I normally lean on and confide in are gone, and the challenges being in the fleet has presented have been made harder without them here. Believe me, I understand all too well, though I am sorry someone else finds themselves in the same situation.

[A lot's been thrown at her in a short period of time, too short a span to get to really know people and form friends she felt comfortable opening up to.]

Given the nature of this post and all the responses you've been getting, you might not be the only one.

What is it with mothers and manners? Is that an inborn obsession that comes along with the pregnancy hormones and never dissipates? Mine was exactly the same, ceaselessly the same. I can still hear her voice echoing in my head if my elbows so much as skim the table.

[That - was quite a rant, but her family's so distant to her now that it doesn't feel quite as personal. Still, she stops herself there before she can work herself up to a place of real emotion instead of cool annoyance.

Hearing that she's not alone is the same complex sort of relief it always is, and at Riona's last comment, Celeste can't help but crack a smile.]

We'll all have to meet up again in a few months and be really, really cool at each other. Stand in separate corners of the room with our arms crossed and be very aggressive about not giving a care for anything. Hopefully that'll balance the scales.

Ah, yes. Elbows off the table! The natter of a mother is something learned, too, I think, passed on by the mothers come before. But my mother had good reasons for it, too. Manners are the first impression someone has of you, and those are vital when you deal with nobility back home. She didn't want me to become a laughingstock. It's not something I didn't appreciate until lately.

[When it was too late to tell her mother as such.]

And pretend not to know the other, either. That's the key. Any acknowledgment of prior interaction, the whole thing falls apart. [She smiles along with the joke.]

Well. I suppose it is relevant if you're dealing with something like nobility. My mother just wanted me to be a perfect little lady for the sake of it, and I'll never be a perfect little lady. I wasn't born to be a perfect little lady, I don't have it in me.

[And it's like she told Kaworu - their happiness was always measured in how much she was able to make them happy, not how happy she was herself.]

But I should hardly go on about that now, or I'll have to carry on pretending I don't know you forever to make up for all this.

Still no less a pain. My mother hoped for that as well for me, and I was probably about as good at it as you were. A good lady makes for a good wife, or so she always said. [She snorts at the thought.] Thank the Maker that wasn't what won my husband over.

Well, we may very well be at that point already. This is the most I've told anybody about my husband, anyway, so I may have to start acting like I don't know you right this second.[Given her smile, though, she's definitely not serious about it.]

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