03 - video

[winn]

Who: Winn Schott, Cisco Ramon, and you!
Broadcast: yes!
Action: Iskaulit
When: now!

[ Today, Winn's broadcast comes live -- from in front of a door. it's a plain door, one of the Iskaulit's, as it happens - and on it is a plaque reading 'Discovery 1'. He clears his throat and offers the camera a little wave ]

Greetings, fellow Fleeters! Did -- we decide on Fleeters? [ He mimes at someone off screen, frowning at whatever reply he gets ]

Drifters, we said - Drifters. Drifting in Spacer. Oh! Wait for it - wait for it - Realitynauts. You know because we’re reality show starts and astro - never mind.

[ Cisco Ramon’s face, no longer a girl, is shoved inside the frame. He is clearly talking while eating some version of space sandwich ]

Is this thing recording? Hi guys.

[ Winn scrunches his nose at the terms ] Dude, ‘Drifters’ makes us sound like a New Age boyband. [ He shakes his head and looks back at the camera - oh yeah, it’s rolling. ] You’d think I’d learn to rehearse first by now -- hi, whatever we call ourselves! If you’re new, that’s Cisco, I’m Winn, and we are proud to finally open the Iskaulit’s brand new lecture hall for business!

[ Hold on hold on he prepared for this - he pulls a party popper out of his pocket, and pops it at the camera!! Colorful confetti everywhere! ]

Dude my hair - anyway, we will be adding a document of the lectures to come and we want to remind a few unruly members of the Realitynauts - I’m looking at you Hank - to give us the titles for your lectures. Pronto. ASAP or I’ll be forced to tell awkward stories about you to the whole network even if they’re not true!

You really have a fixation on ~nauts, you know that? [ It never sounds good. Ever. Especially now, when he’s bringing it up. Why did he bring it up? He’s regretting all his life choices. ]

Anyway yeah, hurry up and tell us what you’re talking about, and if you weren’t around for it last time and wanna sign up you’re always welcome to, just hit up either Cisco or myself, and we’ll work it out! Lectures are gonna be Every Thursday at 8 PM, because of a very scientific selection process - but if our kindly lecturers are up for it - we were hoping people working on series will continue them on a day and time of their choosing so people don’t have to wait too long between installments. Admittance is first come first serve, but don’t worry - everything is gonna be filmed and uploaded for you!

Oh my God, do you get the paradox of us filming ourselves while we’re already being filmed by tacky aliens? It’ll break your brain if you try to figure it out. Anyway, to more important business.

[ Have a line face, network ]

It has come to my attention that different people here on the fleet are trying to convince others in various, unholy ways that their world makes the best pizza. Which is a crime since everyone knows Central City has the best pizza of the entire multiverse.

No one knows that because it’s a dirty heinous lie - National City pride!! [ Winn pumps a fist in the air; completely invested in this fight. If you’ve never met him, you might think he really is treating it like a life-or-death issue. ]

As you can see, this disagreement risks friendships and lives and so we have decided to solve this once and for all. Since we can’t actually have any world’s version of pizza here because space sucks, we are going to do battle, the winner will win everlasting honor for his city as the city where the best pizza of the multiverse can be found. And since we’re nerds we have decided the battle shall be based on -

[ wait for it ]

Song. Yes, you heard it! We are going head to head in the ultimate karaokebowl! Winn. Show them the machine.

[ Winn pulls what appears to be a small screen on a tripod into the camera’s view. Holding it in one hand, he gestures towards the various parts of it as he speaks in a Shopping Network voice. ] This is a state-of-the-art Winsco original Sound Weaver 9001 [ Because of course it had to be OVER 9000!!!! ] with a sound quality you have to hear to believe! Easy to connect to with all your network communicators or bluetooth devices!

The perfect war machine of our ultimate-once-in-a-lifetime-karaokebowl in the name of Pizza, the Flash and heroics. And just to give you a little example of what’s going to happen, me and Winn the Traitor here are going to do the first round using a song we found on the comms which is only the most please-get-out-of-my-head song. So, karaokebowl first round, Cisco Ramon representing Team Flash and Central City against -

[ Winn unzips his hoodie to reveal his custom made t-shirt underneath ] Winn Schott, representing Team Supergirl and National City!

[ Hitting the play button, the music starts playing ]

[ enjoy, Space, as you view the surprisingly-good-voice-wise-but-otherwise-absurd karaoke version of Let it Go by these two morons, complete with Cisco untying his hair dramatically in the middle. When it ends and just before the feed ends too, he will lean close to the camera ]

Pause for applause - other pretenders to the throne of the best pizza of the mutltiverse, you have been challenged!

[ Winn points to his eyes - and then points to the camera before ending the feed. As promised, the broadcast has a text attachment at the bottom with the lecture schedule:

2016: A Space-Time Odyssey Lecture Schedule

1. Loki - The Golden Skein - the science of magic
2. Tyrion Lannister - Follow up lecture on Westeros (1 of 2)
3. Beverly Crusher - Adjusting to Life in Space (1st in a series of medicine related lectures)
4. Maglor - a Concert
5. Winn Schott - Byte me: the Digital Age Unveiled
6. Jim Kirk - Self Defense (1st in a series)
7. Cisco Ramon - The Amazing, Awesome, Absolutely Terrifying Physics of the Multiverse
8. Hermione Granger - Home World/ Life in Another Pocket Dimension/ Magic
9. Kara Danvers - A Brief History of Earth Feminism
10. Hank McCoy - genetics
11. Kitty Pryde - Genocide (Spoiler alert: It's bad)
12. Charles Xavier - TBD - offering history, biology, chemistry, genetics, English literature - cast your vote maybe he’ll make a decision!
* Online Only Lecture - nightingale - what you need to know about the fleet - Unbound to schedule ]

Comments

[spontaneouscombustion]

[So. Much. Pony clapping!]

WHOOOOO both of you guys are great!!!

video;

[winn]

[ OH MY GOD THERE'S A PONY CLAPPING HIS LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE. PONIES CAN CLAP!! ]

Thank you! Who are you -- why haven't we met? [ he has been ROBBED! ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

I'm Pinkie Pie! And why HAVEN'T we met, you guys are REALLY fun!

[winn]

[ it just keeps getting better pinkie pie!! he wanted to cheer the hell up and that sure does it! ]

Thank you is it - Pinkie, or do I say the whole thing?

[ he's getting too easily sidetracked here ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

Hee, either way works, thanks for asking! What's YOUR name, though?

[winn]

I'm Winn! As in the - clear and obvious winner of this contest -

[spontaneouscombustion]

Pfff heehee that's a pretty fitting name! Buuuuut I think to be fair, we should probably have a TASTE test, right?

[GIVE HER ALL THE FOOD but no meat or fish, please.]

[winn]

Alas, if only we could! But as my friend with no taste buds [ hey he called winn 'traitor', it's only fair! ] pointed out - space sucks and we can't, that's why we had a sing-off.

[spontaneouscombustion]

Hee, well Qing and I could help with that! We cook and bake on our ship all the time. We might need to find some cheese and veggies on the next planet, but we can definitely make a good pizza crust! Ooh! I bet Cheese Sandwich could help too, he made a GREAT pizza last time!

[winn]

[ there's so much to process there he's no sure where to start. ]

Wait you can bake? As in -- real pastries????

[ excitement levels are at a critical high!!!!! ]

........a cheese sandwich can make a pizza? What ship are you on? [ and is it just in a constant pot-fog? ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

['Scuse you, the only drugs fueling her insanity are chocolate and sugar.]

Heehee yes I do and yes he does! Cheese Sandwich is another pony like me, we're from the same world! He's on the Bishop instead of the Caprine, though, and he's been here a LOT longer than I have!

[winn]

I used to be on the Bishop -

[ for like 5 minutes before he bailed to crash on kara's couch on the tourist to await the processing of his transfer. maybe he should have explored a little more... ]

So wait -- there's a pony. Named Cheese Sandwich. Who can make pizza? [ this is officially the weirdest sentence he's ever uttered in his entire life. maybe he's already lost his mind but at least it seems like pretty harmless insanity!! ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Crush much~?]

Yup, there's a pony named Cheese Sandwich who can make pizza~

[winn]

[ shhhh. ]

I'm gonna need a minute.

[ this requires some processing. his mind can't get over the mental image of a cheese sandwich making a pizza, nope. ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

Okey-dokey-lokey, take your time~

[Patient pony is patient. And also literal-minded at times.]

[winn]

[ you know what - he's just gonna do it. he'll take his time. his face goes through a giddy-giddier-giddiest!!! cycle ]

So what do you bake? Can I have some? I'll sing for it! And I can sew!

[spontaneouscombustion]

Ooooh than you and Qing would get along GREAT then, he sews a lot too! And if Rarity ever comes here too, she's one of my best friends and she's a GREAT fashion designer!

And I can make cupcakes and pancakes and hotcakes and corn cakes and regular cakes and cookies and crepes and pies and cinnamon rolls and

[Might want some popcorn, this could take a while.]

[winn]

[ he always wants popcorn, and all forms of real food - that he's been missing terribly but now realizes that maybe he didn't have to. ]

Stop, stop, I'm gonna start to drool - please can I have some?

[ he's begging to a pink talking pony for baked goods. he's gonna have to schedule in an existential crisis at some point. ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

[You poor soul, does nobody onboard your ship not know how to cook?]

Aw, of course you can! Where do you want 'em?

[benames]

..................Oh my God, I think I'm drunk.

[ is that a pony? ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Yes, it is, the pinkest and bounciest pony.]

You are? Well no wonder Winn won, you should get a rematch when you're sober!

I'm Pinkie Pie!

[benames]

Ah, he never won, no matter what he tells you. I won, it's super clear that I won, I did the hair trick.

[spontaneouscombustion]

Oooh, that was pretty nice! Does that gain a lot of extra points where you're from?

[benames]

Girl, it gives you the ultimate 150 points of pure awesomeness and it makes Mr. National City over there the perfect candidate to sing The Winner Takes it All at us to ease the burn of the loss.

[ firm nod ]

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Dang, this guy needs to meet Rainbow Dash, they'd be great buddies.]

Woooow that's a lot of points~!