[Elena thinks a moment before switching the feed over to a private setting.]
I pretended that becoming what I am didn't really change me for a long time. I had to give up the idea of so many things that were keeping me going before, I couldn't lose myself on top of it.
I had to give up on having a career. Getting married. Having kids. Growing old. You know, that stuff was hard to believe in before I died. [Elena swallows thickly, shaking her head a little. It all seemed a little too selfish and out of reach even as a human doppelganger. The people who were close to her and that she loved would always be in danger by virtue of what she is.] Then it became impossible. I wasn't ready to die at eighteen. I know that's a weak excuse, but...
This...it's not what I wanted. I had the choice before. It was almost taken away from me because Damon was selfish and thought he was in love with me, but I was ready to take my chances on another way. And if I died then, at least the people who mattered to me were going to be okay and stay safe. Becoming a vampire was never on the table.
But the second time around was different. And I wasn't ready.
So, I held on for a really long time to that girl who almost died with her parents until I had to let her go because I didn't really have anything else left.
private;
I pretended that becoming what I am didn't really change me for a long time. I had to give up the idea of so many things that were keeping me going before, I couldn't lose myself on top of it.
I had to give up on having a career. Getting married. Having kids. Growing old. You know, that stuff was hard to believe in before I died. [Elena swallows thickly, shaking her head a little. It all seemed a little too selfish and out of reach even as a human doppelganger. The people who were close to her and that she loved would always be in danger by virtue of what she is.] Then it became impossible. I wasn't ready to die at eighteen. I know that's a weak excuse, but...
This...it's not what I wanted. I had the choice before. It was almost taken away from me because Damon was selfish and thought he was in love with me, but I was ready to take my chances on another way. And if I died then, at least the people who mattered to me were going to be okay and stay safe. Becoming a vampire was never on the table.
But the second time around was different. And I wasn't ready.
So, I held on for a really long time to that girl who almost died with her parents until I had to let her go because I didn't really have anything else left.