driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Allen Walker
Broadcast: Video!
Action: Blue Fish
When: Today, April 2nd.

[For those who've been here awhile, a familiar setting appears on the feed. Allen's standing behind a table in his lab, looking tired but positive! Timcanpy sits behind him on a shelf, wearing that looks to be a miniature gasmask fitted for the lower part of his face (?). ]

Hello everyone! If you don't know me, I'm Allen Walker, one of the medics in the fleet. Nice to see you all again.

[He clears his throat]

Anyway, a few announcements today! We'll be holding our bi-monthly blood drive next weekend! The blood donated will be kept in case of medical emergencies that require a blood transfusion - in other words, using scientific methods to help someone whose lost a lot of blood. If you are interested in donating, we will pay you in money or food!

So if you're interested and you're over the age of 16, please fill out the form attached to this video. [And what do you know, it's there] If you're interested in volunteering, please let me know. Vampires interested in volunteering will need to be able to have restraint around blood and will not be allowed to sample the blood. And like last time, the blood drive will be taking place on the SS Paisley. Thank you again for your warm hospitality, Paisley.

And of course, there will be cookies to anyone who volunteers or donates.

[Okay then, moving on, he'll smile at the screen-]

As for other business, our fleet has arrived at a moon that you've probably noticed is rather...polluted. So it's been asked by local authorities that I tell people the following advice to help you stay healthy:

[He clears his throat again and holds up what looks to be....a pretty lengthy list]

Please wear your gas mask at all times while outside. Please do not assume you are immune to toxic air. Please don't try to smoke with your gas mask on. Please don't wear a damaged gas mask. Please don't wear your gas mask over clothes, it will not work. Please make sure there's no leaks when wearing your gas mask. Please secure your own gas mask before helping others. Please don't store small animals in your gas mask. Please don't put your gas mask on animals it's not made for. Please don't set your gas mask on fire. Please don't eat while wearing the gas mask. Please wear your gas mask over your face, that is the only part of the body it will work. Please don't ask if there's a gas mask for other regions of your body. Please wear your gas mask on your face.

[He takes a breath, then...flips a page. Yes. We could be here awhile]

Please don't drink the water outside. Please don't bathe in the water. Please don't go swimming in any body of water. Please don't wash your dishes in the water. If you need to go in the water, please make sure you're properly covered. Please don't splash people with the water. Please don't attempt to give mouth-to-mouth CPR to anyone whose gone in the water. Please do not cook with the water. Please do not use the water as an ingredient for spells. Please don't go fishing in the water. Please don't attempt to put out fires with the water. Please don't light a match and drop it in the water. Please don't set the water on fire. Please don't microwave the water.

[Another page flip. And yes, he's still keeping that polite smile!]

Please don't eat the vegetation outside. Please don't eat the fake vegetation inside. Please don't touch the vegetation with bare skin. Please don't lick the vegetation. Please don't set the vegetation on fire. Please don't smoke the vegetation. Please don't snort the vegetation. Please don't inject or ingest the outside vegetation in any manner. Please refrain from engaging in intercourse on the vegetation. Please don't attempt to cook the vegetation. Please don't boil the vegetation with the water. If you can't recognize the plant, please leave the plant alone.

[Another page flip!]

Please don't eat the wildlife. Please don't attempt to cook the wildlife. Please don't wear the skins or furs of the wildlife. Please exercise caution when attempting to befriend wildlife. Please don't take any of the wildlife as pets. Please don't do anything to the wildlife that requires skin contact. If you think an action towards an animal might be illegal, please don't do it. Please don't lick the wildlife. Please don't use the moon's animals for taxidermy. Please don't cut open an animal and try to sleep in it. Please don't set the wildlife on fire. If you don't have the ability to talk to wildlife, and the moon's wildlife begins talking to you, please seek immediate medical attention.

[Page flip!]

If you find any slime or sludge, please leave it alone. Please don't touch the slime. Please don't lick the slime. Please don't dare others to lick the slime. Please don't eat the slime. Please don't drink the slime. Please don't wear the sludge as a way to trick infra-red. Please don't try to light the slime on fire. Please stay away from the slime.

[Another page flip. Oh thank god, it's almost over]

Please exercise caution when exploring the wilderness. Please watch out for mineshafts. Please always bring a non-flammable light source. Please don't go alone into a mineschaft. Please don't have intercourse in a mine shaft. Please don't light a match in a mineshaft. Please don't bring canaries into the mineshafts. Please don't climb an oil tower without climbing gear. Please don't lick the mineshafts or oil towers. Please don't set the mineschafts or oil towers on fire.

Most importantly...if you don't recognize, please don't touch it.

[FINALLY. He gives a sigh of relief and puts down the document.]

Well then- those rules seem easy enough to remember! Let's all...try our best to stay safe here, shall we? Shouldn't be difficult...

[We're all going to die. But!! He smiles brightly again]

That's all I have for today! Thank you and have a wonderful, healthy, day! [And with a wave, he cuts the feed]

[OOC: As always, the blood drive will be handwaved!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ That is a lot of rules.

Welp. ]

Let's just hope some people can remember these rules.

[ JAMES. CHLOE. She's talking about you. ]

[ Okay, this is way too amusing not to sit through~ And when she finally speaks up, her expression definitely gives away just how entertained she is. ]

That's a lot of mention of licking... It makes me wonder, was that a problem at some point in time?

If I come donate blood, do I get to play with Tim again?

[Someone seems to have a one-track mind. Though, her tone suggests that she is aware of how she's coming off and is teasing Allen about it.]

[He gives a laugh]

Yeah. Or you might have a busy month, for sure. [If she hasn't already]

...You're going to post these somewhere, I hope?

[No one in their right mind can remember all of that Allen!!]

[He laughs a little at the joke]

Maybe it was! Who knows how previous people who have visited this place have acted.

[And he sounds definitely amused as Tim perks up in the background] Sounds like he has a fan!

But sure! He'll be there if you come.

Ah...I could send you a copy of the list, if you'd like? If you really want to read through them again.

Some of those are strangely specific.

[Syeira is sans mask, and doesn't seem to be on board any of the ships. Which means she's on the planet. Obviously this announcement is a day late and a dollar short for her. She's got a pale, shiny look on her that says fever. She might even cough here or there.]

Well I'd imagine they'd have incidents--

[And he pauses because he sure notices the background of where this woman is standing]

-- Ma'am. Are you standing outside without a mask on?

Well, shit. I was planning to do, like, at least half of these. What am I supposed to snort now?

They've had incidents of people climbing inside animals? That's not exactly normal behavior.

And my name's Syeira. No need for the ma'am.

[Hmm, what? Did you ask her a question?]

Maybe they thought it was a good idea after they spent too long outside without a gas mask.

[Hint. HINT.]

Very well, Syeira. I highly recommend you get indoors or get a mask on right away.

[Wanda smiles at the two gentlemen on the other end of the communicator's screen.]

How have you been Allen? Dr. Crusher is not running you too ragged I hope?

[...]

I'm not sure. I'm not really supposed to recommend that sort of activity in any fashion.

I've been fine! Dr. Crusher is very fair compared to medics I've worked for in the past.

If anything, I've been the one keeping myself up too late trying to figure out ways to help the moon. [Thus the tired look]

... Some of these rules have to have storied behind them, but I'm not sure I want to know them.

I'd rather have a nice, easy month. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe someday we'll come across a planet covered in cushions and pillows!

[a beat]

Then again, one time I visited a place called Lumpy space where everything was puffy cloud things and...well, a lot more went wrong than you'd think. [yeah]

[He laughs]

That's how you feel. But I think we might be better off not knowing all the details.

Yeah... I think I'm just going to avoid this place as much as I can. Between that and the "games" here, we cannot leave fast enough.

Well, if there are animals on earth who smell with their tongues, maybe there are aliens who... need to lick things to get around.

[ She makes a face like she's just taken a bite out of a lemon! But she laughs anyway. ]

This would probably be the worst place for that!

Not fond of the games, then?

You mean like a snake-like alien?

[Yeah...it's suck for them. He laughs a little at her facial expression]

Yeah! I'd feel bad for them.

Let's just say they're a bit... familiar.

Page 1 of 14