driftfleet | 3rd Blight - video and open log

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3rd Blight - video and open log

Who: Riona (who is not at ALL drunk, no sir) and you
Broadcast: yes
Action: In Varric’s bar
When: Forward dated to the night of May 1st

Video

[The camera wobbles as it turns on. There’s a moment of it spinning around before it’s set down with a hard “clunk!” There’s a snort before a shadow looms over the camera. It faces an empty chair at a table in what some may recognize as Varric’s bar. But the seat is shortly filled by Riona, who leans on her elbows and smiles lopsidedly at the camera.

Yep, someone’s drunk and has made the poor decision to make a public broadcast.]

I think I’ve reached the point where bad decisions start looking like good ones. Or maybe it’s more that I’m past the point of caring, though I’m sure I’ll be thoroughly kicking myself in the morning as I fight off the egregious hangover I’m sure to have.

[Consider that your only warning, Blue Fish.]

What a lovely party that was the other night. The sort of event that’s supposed to let you forget about your troubles and be merry for awhile. And maybe, just maybe, let you believe for a little while that you’re not a terrible person.

[Her smiles turns a shade derisive as she takes a drink from whatever concoction she has in that tankard.]

Or is that just me? It probably is. Which I suppose leads to the point of this little broadcast. [She throws her arms out, almost knocking her drink over in the process.] Surprise! I’m a shitty person. Selfish and terrible. Oh sure, I start out with good intentions, I mean well, but ultimately I end up making shitty decisions because of them. I push and I shove and then people get hurt and I tell myself I did it because it was for the best. I “make up for it” and try to ease things and I say that over and over again in my head when I go to sleep.

[She snorts, leaning on her arms on the table again as she looks away.]

Keep that in mind next time you deal with me. You’ll all be better off.

Should any of you still feel inclined to talk to me, I’ll be here in Varric’s fine establishment, trying to drown my problems for likely the rest of the night. Feel free to come in and have a drink on my selfish ass. I probably owe all of you at least one, if not more.

[Before she picks up her drink, she mutters:] Oh Oghren, you’d be so proud. [And as she takes another long gulp, she shuts off the camera.]

Action

[The Queen of the Self-Loathing Party can be found, as said, at Varric’s bar. She’s got her own table and she’s already knocked back Maker-knows how many drinks. Oddly enough, her sword is in tow, though it’s currently propped up against the table leg. Perhaps at some point, she meant to spar and beat out her feelings. Clearly, either that didn’t work or she didn’t bother and wound up here instead.

She’s definitely pretty damn drunk. If the broadcast didn’t make that clear, then the way she at points will burst out laughing for no reason might hint at it. Or maybe how she’s half slumped over the table, trying to play games on her communicator and cursing loudly as she fails at it (which is pretty much the case for every attempt).

If she sees someone she recognizes, she’ll raise her glass and sloppily beckon them to come over.]
Come, have a drink! It’s no fun doing it alone!

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[Even this drunk, Riona knows she needs to get out now. She can shout and be loud and stupid in front of everyone, but crying? Nah.

She stumbles out of her chair, clutching the table and Leliana for support. Her cheeks puff out as she tries to hold back the tears until she reaches the bathroom. Once safely inside, she heaves out a few sobbing breaths, her body shaking from the exertion.]

What is wrong with me?

For a start? You are well past your drinking limit - and I plan to cut you off from here, so I apologize for that.

[Leliana gives a tight laugh, trying not to let her own emotions get the better of her.]

And secondly - you're human and sadly the Maker gave us messy emotions along with that.

[Leliana wraps an arm around her waist from behind, holding her safely upright while Riona tried to find her bearings.]

You can't punish yourself. I know you want to. I don't know why - Maker I wish I knew what went through your head on more than one occasion - but you can't keep all of this locked up inside. It will eat at you worse than it is now. If you need to speak to him - so be it. He needs to know how you feel.

[A pause]

Probably tomorrow is best....

[Her hands blindly grip the wall, the stall, or whatever she can hold onto to keep herself up right.]

I swore I would protect him from anyone: darkspawn, snotty nobles, Isolde... even Eamon. It's why I became Queen. Well, and to stay by his side, because I refused to lose him.

[Another selfish motive.]

But he's here and I can't do a damn thing for him. I failed him. He won't let himself be happy and I can't do anything but sit back and let him be miserable. I mean - for Andraste's sake, do you know he lost his virginity to Morrigan? Morrigan.

[If that's not a tragedy, she doesn't know what is.]

He's just my latest victim. I've let so many other people down and I just get to - get to carry on with my life like it's all just peachy and fine. [Is she making sense? Probably not.] I'm awful.

Riona. You aren't awful. You're drunk and angry and hurt but you aren't awful.

[While Riona clings to the nearest thing she can get her hands on, Leliana continues to hold her upright and pets her hair at the same time.]

You were happy until you found out about him marrying Anora. Maker knows that you didn't force him into the match. It wasn't you who asked him to begin with. It was - it was the other Warden who asked him to. Amell. You didn't do that to him. Morrigan would have found another, were it not Alistair.

It's just that he didn't get to - to, you know, with someone he loves and it's just not fair. And marrying Anora on top of it and... How could she do that to him?

[She slams her fist against the stall.]

Ugh. And even if she comes here I can't punch her because she's Alistair's friend. So what else can I do?

And so being upset about it now is the best thing for the both of you?

[No, for real. Now she's exploding about it? Maker her poor friend has had to have been festering on this for weeks.]

You could try to give yourself some credit and Amell. These weren't easy choices but we were at war. We were facing an entire country in turmoil. You did what you had to do and that needs to be enough for you. Alistair could have said no.

[Leliana takes a breath, trying to master herself a bit. She's frustrated that Riona is frustrated. She wants to help but she can't exactly do that if the Queen won't listen to her counsel.]

He could have, but would he have? You know how he is: smile and bear the burden, pretending it's not there. Better about it than he used to be, but...

[Okay, brain needs to start functioning now. Badly.]

I can't stand the thought of being complicit in his unhappiness. For my Alistair, I mean. For the one here... In some ways it's worse. I know I had nothing to do with what happened in his world. Logically, anyway. But my heart can't seem to separate it. Knowing he could be happier here if he wanted - and I want him to want it. That's the bad part. I want him to ignore his engagement to Anora and that's terrible of me. So I'm torn between this selfishness and knowing it's wrong and that it's his choice, and seeing him not be as happy as he could and hating myself for letting it be that way.

You speak for him. Projecting your guilt at your choices onto Alistair's will is the same as taking it away all together. You can't know what goes through his head, Riona. Just because you are in love and married to him does not mean you knew what was in his head when he found out who he was. It was his destiny to become the King of Ferelden. It was right.

[And she tries to measure her words carefully about the Anora thing because honestly? She's truly starting to believe Alistair is completely different that it isn't just his memories being tampered with. Ten years ago she might have had lofty ideals that the Maker would guide them and love would find a way no matter what.

You know what- maybe she should be blunt, because honestly this girl... she loves you to death Riona but she wants you to snap out of it.]

You miss him and so you project some sort of romantic fantasy that perhaps this Alistair could come to love you too, that you could save him.

[Okay maybe she's being a little harsh.]

[Leliana is not wrong. Not entirely. And a part of Riona has known this, and she's tried to squash it, tried not to let it take root-

But those words hurt. It's like a slap in the face, and it shows in her expression. Of all the people she ever could expect to hear that sort of thing from, Leliana was not one of them. Her friend has changed. She's suspected as much, but now it's really hitting her. More than ever, she wishes she were more sober to handle this. At the very least, they cut into her, and the pain helps sober her a little. Though her mind still reels from the alcohol, the sting gives her a focus.

There's a long, long moment of staring, because what in the Void does she say to that? A part of her should admit she's right, to an extent, but she already feels her temper boiling. She's not sure what to give into, and the alcohol doesn't help.

In the end, she keeps the worst of the anger in check. For now. Only because this is Leliana, her dear friend, and she's made enough mistakes tonight. Still, her tone hardens and her jaw clenches: sure signs that she's fighting back rage. She tries to break free of Leliana's grip on her. If she succeeds, she barely manages to keep upright and hold herself against the sink. Her back stands straighter: drunk or not, she won't look any more weak than she already has.]

Does a part of me hope for it? Yes. I won't lie. I hate it, and I'm ashamed, but it's there. So forgive me, spymaster, if I can't just shut off my feelings and pretend they're not there. [Okay, so some of the anger slips through.] Forgive me for wondering if I did the right thing, if the right thing's been done by him by Amell. Maybe some of my damned anger and guilt is irrational, but it's there and it's mine. Would you have me pretend otherwise?

[Her hand is left empty as Riona stumbles into the sink to hold herself upright and she balls it into a fist before lowering it to her side. She knew she'd hurt Riona and had been unable to master her own frustrations. She half expected Riona to strike out at her for that slight. Unconsciously, she mumbles a verse to herself. It was fitting honestly.]

'Spite ate away all that was good, kind, and loving till nothing was left but the spite itself, coiled 'round my heart like a great worm'.... Is that what you think I'm doing? You think it cruel that I am trying to help remind you that this place serves to test us? Riona you can't let emotion rule over you. You'd only be asking him for something he does not know how to give. I'm only saying so because I care.

[No, never strike her. Not for something like that. Though the queen is half tempted to hit the wall right now.]

It isn't that simple, Leliana. Love does not make things simple. But I know I would be asking too much, which is why I never will. [And it's partly why she's so torn up.] I want him happy, Leliana. But I never said it had to be with me. If he found someone else here... Maker's breath, it'd tear at me inside, but I would endure it. Because that's what I want for him, more than anything. I want him to know the happiness my Alistair has.

[Her head pounds; it's so hard to think, but she has to try.] And when hasn't emotion ruled over me in some way? Logic did not sway me to save the mages. Or to protect Redcliffe. Or to reconcile the Dalish and the werewolves. Logic certainly didn't compel me to spare Zevran, or enlist the aid of our friends, including you. Even when I needed to be pragmatic, I always did it because my heart told me to. So don't stand there and tell me that I can't let emotion rule me. It always has.

You used to know that.

[The Left Hand should lay down her burden. No, nothing was ever simple. Not love, not choosing what was right. She knew that. No one else could have handled such a burden. Perhaps that was why now she felt colder for it.

Shaking her head, Leliana leans back against one of the lavatory stalls.]

A great deal has changed since those days, I'm afraid. But that is a story for another time. I only mean to concern myself with you this evening.

[She takes a breath, crossing her arms and staring off to the side at the door leading to the hall before looking back to Riona.]

You know, once I would have said that the Maker would guide you, that He would help you find a way to be with Alistair like some story about chivalrous knights and true love. But then, reality is never quite so pretty, no? I don't want to see you hurt yourself. You've done nothing wrong by me or Alistair or anyone else. We followed you because you were meant for it. Your choices shaped Thedas. Your choices helped bring peace, whether you feel troubled by them or not that doesn't change the end result.

[Yes, clearly they have. And while Riona is not so naïve as to think that Leliana would not have changed at all in a decade, what she's seeing now is... worrisome.

But her head continues to spin, and she knows that this conversation is not a good one to have this drunk.]

Not nearly sober enough for this.

[She closes her eyes to fight the vertigo.]

We... There's a lot to talk about. Perhaps the day after tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll be making friends with the nearest toilet come tomorrow.

[Which she honestly expected. They were having some heavy conversation and she was definitely in no condition for it.]

That is fine. Here - you aren't walking back alone when you can barely stand upright.

[She reaches out a steadying hand, hooking her fingers around Riona's upper arm while she waits for her to decide when it is time to make the journey. She wouldn't let her out of her sight. She might not be much of anything to anyone else here but to Leliana, she was still the Queen of Ferelden and her friend.]

[Riona grabs onto her arm, giving herself a moment to steady before she takes the tentative first steps towards the exit.]

I'm gonna hate myself in the morning, Lel.

[She shakes her head.]

...Oghren would be proud, I guess.

You might, but there are worse things to hate yourself for, no?

[She gives a bit of a laugh at the irony because she had a feeling there would be a Talk the next time they did speak to one another. There was no way Riona would go without asking her questions.]

I don't doubt he would be.

Try telling that to me tomorrow. Then duck when I inevitably throw something at you.

[Slow, careful steps towards the door. Almost out of the bathroom. That's... progress, right?]

I can't believe how much I miss him. And Zevran. And Wynne. And Shale. Oh, I can hear her disdainful comments...

[Her face scrunches up sadly.]

And Kiter. Oh, my boy.

[Leliana lets her take her time, reaching to push the door out of the way as they inch forward, her other hand holding Riona upright as they move]

I will remember to duck, I promise.

[She smiles at her then, feeling light despite how harrowing their conversations had been lately. There was a lot to worry about, and yet this felt like simpler times that she had missed.]

Zevran would be beside himself to hear you miss him, I'm sure.

[And would probably find a way to make a bit of innuendo out of it. Ah, she missed that elf. He always could make her laugh.]

Don't worry yourself so much. You'll get wrinkles.

[It was a joke, but she was half serious in asking her not to worry so much. Someone could only handle so much burden on their own. Teasingly, she reaches to brush a lock of hair behind Riona's ear, away from her brow to indicate just where she might get wrinkles.]

He would be. And flattered. And then would make an awful joke about it.

[Maker she misses him. She steps back out into the bar, making a slow beeline for the exit. Phase Two: exit the bar.]

I'm too young to get wrinkles. [She puckers her brow.] That's Wynne.

[She shouts a laugh, clapping a hand over her mouth.]

Oh no. She's gonna zap me, Leli.

[Oh god now she's laughing. Damn it Riona!! She claps a hand over her own mouth, stifling the giggles in vain.]

Oh, Maker, she would but what a way to go that'd be.

[And Wynne was probably looking down on them disdainfully from her place at the Maker's side. A funny turn this all was shifting to.]

I'd take one of Zevran's jokes over that any day.

Hee!

[Or she'd just glare her down. She's not sure which would be worse, to be quite honest.]

Survive the Archdemon, only to be felled by an angry old mage. Oh, how the bards would laugh as they tell the tale.

[Almost to the door!]

Zevran would protect me. By making some lewd comment about Wynne and catching her off guard.

[Maker she can't stop laughing now. She pushes against the door, leading them outside the bar and presses back against the nearest wall, still laughing.]

You- I do not need to imagine jokes in Zevran's voice!

[Yep still laughing. Damn she missed this. She missed Riona. They had drifted apart with time, Ferelden keeping Riona busy and Justinia keeping Leliana busy. She felt as if time was suddenly standing still and ten years had not truly passed her by.]

A song, though. I could do that. How should it go?

[She pushes up away from the wall again, leading Riona with a loose hold on her wrist.]

[In a terrible Antivan accent:]

"But it is a marvelous bosom. I have seen women half your age who have not held up half so well. Perhaps it is a magical bosom?"

[And she barely makes it through before she bursts into a fit of giggles, nearly stumbling to the floor.

Once she composes herself and walks with Leliana, clutching to her arm for dear life, she nods at her suggestion.]

Oh, yes! A song would be lovely! We can sing it together, like we used to!

[Oh Sweet Maker these two were going to end up laughing the whole way back to the ships weren't they? Good times.]

Alright, Alright - [Going to focus because goddamn it she can't when she's being distracted by talk of bosoms!!]

Three little Empresses which of them is true? A simple glass of almond tea and now there's only two.

[Leliana was smiling, holding one of Riona's hands as she practically skipped as the two of them moved further away from the bar, her voice ringing out. ]

[Way to pick one of the most morbid rhymes out there, Lel.]

Ugh, of course you pick something Orlesian. [Because that's... clearly the greater offense here.] How'd that go...

Two little empresses, which will be undone? A dagger from beneath a cloak and now there's only one.

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