[And her head does rest against her. It feels like her whole body just sags against her. Exhaustion and grief press down on her, almost like a physical force. Leliana helps her support it somewhat.]
No, you can't, but you're my best friend and no one can replace that either. I'm so glad you're here. [Her voice cracks with the words.] I don't know what I'd do otherwise.
[Many on the Blue Fish would help her, and she knows this. But they don't know her like Leliana does. They don't know what she's been through and what it all means like she does. And much of that is her own fault; she's told them little, comparatively speaking.]
Between Alistair leaving, that... Hawke and what he told me, and- [She closes her eyes.] Well, I found out a friend of mine is going to die when he goes home. Nothing can save him. He's hurting and reeling, and there's nothing that can be done. I can't help him. I can't do anything.
[And that right there is the heart of everything. All of these things she has learned, and nothing can be done about them. It's not like back home. Here all she can do is sit and nod and accept it, and Riona is terrible at that. She doesn't want to accept that things just are. That things just happen and there's nothing that can be done about them. She hates it, almost to the point of absurdity. Finding out who's responsible and taking action, this she would rather do. Even if she must blame others unfairly. Even if she must blame herself unfairly. It's better than nothing, to her.]
I envy your faith, that you can say "this is the Maker's plan" and accept it. To soldier on and keep working. You lost Justinia but you kept going. [She inhales deeply, trying to battle back her emotions.] Maker, I wish I had your strength.
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No, you can't, but you're my best friend and no one can replace that either. I'm so glad you're here. [Her voice cracks with the words.] I don't know what I'd do otherwise.
[Many on the Blue Fish would help her, and she knows this. But they don't know her like Leliana does. They don't know what she's been through and what it all means like she does. And much of that is her own fault; she's told them little, comparatively speaking.]
Between Alistair leaving, that... Hawke and what he told me, and- [She closes her eyes.] Well, I found out a friend of mine is going to die when he goes home. Nothing can save him. He's hurting and reeling, and there's nothing that can be done. I can't help him. I can't do anything.
[And that right there is the heart of everything. All of these things she has learned, and nothing can be done about them. It's not like back home. Here all she can do is sit and nod and accept it, and Riona is terrible at that. She doesn't want to accept that things just are. That things just happen and there's nothing that can be done about them. She hates it, almost to the point of absurdity. Finding out who's responsible and taking action, this she would rather do. Even if she must blame others unfairly. Even if she must blame herself unfairly. It's better than nothing, to her.]
I envy your faith, that you can say "this is the Maker's plan" and accept it. To soldier on and keep working. You lost Justinia but you kept going. [She inhales deeply, trying to battle back her emotions.] Maker, I wish I had your strength.