[He's not sure if that can make him feel any better, much as he wishes it would. Either he's useless because he didn't do something, or he's useless because he couldn't? It's a hard pill to swallow. And it isn't about him, he knows it isn't. Never has been.
But he wishes, so hard, that it could have been different. For Sorey, for Rose. They should have been able to save him, somehow.]
Why... why, though? We never understood... why didn't you let us help you? Why was it so important, after everything?
[Why wasn't it enough? Rose had said he was smiling- that he was happy, in the end. Did he have to die to realize that?
He's not going to cry. He'd told himself again and again that he wouldn't. But there's an ache in his chest, and his teeth are clenched, because god, does it ever hurt to think about it.]
would you feel better if i fired you and then hired you back on
But he wishes, so hard, that it could have been different. For Sorey, for Rose. They should have been able to save him, somehow.]
Why... why, though? We never understood... why didn't you let us help you? Why was it so important, after everything?
[Why wasn't it enough? Rose had said he was smiling- that he was happy, in the end. Did he have to die to realize that?
He's not going to cry. He'd told himself again and again that he wouldn't. But there's an ache in his chest, and his teeth are clenched, because god, does it ever hurt to think about it.]