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[spaceshipit]

Who: Everyone!
Broadcast: If you want!
Action: July Planet!
When: The month of July!

[This is another planet mingle since the first one has nearly hit captcha! Feel free to continue threads or start brand new ones!]

July Planet Information

First Mingle Post

Comments

[resnipstance]

[This could be stepping into dangerous territory, but... on the other hand. Maybe it could be a blessing in disguise. A way to stop what's going to happen, for some other version of Ahsoka.]

... If you feel that strongly about it, you could leave too, you know.

We could travel around the galaxy together. Without the Order telling us where to go, or who we can and can't help.

[ontrial]

[ that almost sounds nice. but then barriss thinks of luminara, the pride so recently on her face at watching barriss get recognition for passing her trials, and has to shake her head. ]

That sounds idealistic, but I don't think that I could. I'm a Jedi, Ahsoka. I don't think I could be anything else.

[resnipstance]

[A small bubble of her old frustration rises to the surface.]

What, and you think I'm any different? Barriss, we had the same upbringing. Do you know how hard it was for me to leave? How much I wanted to stay? I didn't think I could be anything else either!

But I know better now. The Order isn't all there is.

[ontrial]

But if I leave, that's like giving up on the Order, like saying that it won't ever be what it was again.

[ she gestures with her hands, but it's not in any real direction, just motions of helplessness. ]

And what of Anakin? I know you're as close to him as I am to Luminara and I couldn't imagine leaving her.

[resnipstance]

It won't ever be what it was again. I not sure it ever really was, in our lifetimes.

[Ahsoka wouldn't normally take such a hardline stance on that, because she is open to the possibility of changing things-- but in Barriss's case, it's a road Ahsoka doesn't want her to wander down.]

What of Anakin? Yes, we were close. And we're still close. Leaving hasn't changed that. [Although it almost did.]

[ontrial]

[ the feeling of helplessness grows. it's not like it's foreign to barriss - it's a closer thing than any friend or luminara has been in months - but usually she can ignore it. right now, countering ahsoka's obvious journey of self-discovery, she isn't sure what to do.

so she looks away, out to the water. ]

I don't think that it could be the same for us. I might not be her Padawan any longer, but I'm sure Luminara still needs me and her loyalty lies with the Council.

[ so, so does hers. ]

[resnipstance]

That's an excuse and you know it.

What about what you need?

[ontrial]

My needs aren't that important, Ahsoka.

[ which is to say, she's never considered them before and feels too out of sorts to start now. she's a jedi, just one part of a many faced thing. ]

[resnipstance]

... Yes. They are.

[Stated flatly and unequivocally. There's a twinge of irritation behind it too, though she tries to stamp it down.

Because this is how it starts, isn't it? Barriss self imploding, Barriss not telling her anything. Ahsoka can't believe she was so blind as to miss it before.]

[ontrial]

[ that finally gets barriss looking squarely at ahsoka again, expression somewhere between stubborn and lost as she just looks at the togruta for a long moment, then shakes her head. ]

Then I have no idea what they are. They've never mattered to me. My only want in life has been to be a Jedi and that's what I am.

[resnipstance]

... There isn't a person alive in this universe or any other who doesn't have needs, Barriss. Jedi included. Everyone has needs. Needs for food, shelter, clothing, family. ... Love. Hope.

Not knowing what your needs are doesn't mean you don't have any. It just means you don't know what they are. And there's nothing particularly Jedi-like about that.

[ontrial]

I know what a sentient's basic needs and rights are, Ahsoka. [ although neither love nor hope would have been on her list. she supposed that luminara probably loved her as much as any teacher could love a student, they were close, but it didn't seem like a necessary thing. and so many people lived without hope that that didn't seem all that important, either. nice, but not critical. ]

And those seem to be covered here, so I'm not concerned. Maybe it's not an ideal situation, but we're not being left to fend for ourselves without food or shelter or medical supplies.

[resnipstance]

In that case, isn't it the perfect time to think about what you want and need? Since everything basic is taken care of.

[ontrial]

[ ahsoka has a point. luminara isn't here for guidance, no, but the war isn't here, either. she doesn't even have a real purpose here, holoshow talk aside, and for all obi-wan had assured her jedi would still be needed here, she wasn't getting that idea yet.

barriss looks away again, uncertain. ]

I'll think about it. [ a beat. ] Have you found what you need here, Ahsoka?

[resnipstance]

[Ahsoka thinks about that. There's so much that she's found here-- too much. Not all of it what she needed. But--]

Some. [The gradual reparation of her friendship with Anakin. Family. Clarity. Renewed purpose.]

... The rest will have to wait until I get back home.

[ontrial]

Then I hope you get to return soon, for your unfinished business.

[ she clears her throat as she looks back to ahsoka, visibly pulling herself together to better project the image of calm, confident jedi. ahsoka will know better, of course, but barriss likes to have her guard up like this. ]

I'm glad we had this talk. I really have missed you.

[resnipstance]

... Me too. I mean-- I missed you too.

[In that moment, Ahsoka is less guarded and more like her old self, more genuine than she has been for this entire conversation. She allows herself to mean it, and a depth of feeling rushes into those words as Ahsoka realises just how true they are. Because despite everything, despite the betrayal and the anger and the painful awkwardness of this whole conversation and having to carefully choose her every word as if navigating through a minefield... she has missed Barriss. Not the Barriss she last saw, being taken away to prison-- but the Barriss she used to be friends with.

A small part of her brain comments that she's probably setting herself up for heartbreak all over again, just by allowing herself to acknowledge even that much.

There's an ache in her chest. She feels too young and too old all at once.]

I know things are weird at the moment, but... I hope you know that I'm here for you, too, Barriss.

[ontrial]

[ there's a little pause before barriss smiles at that. just her usual little smile, but it's always been extra soft for ahsoka. this is her best friend, a person she admires, the person she was hoping to see on coruscant and now gets to see here, even if almost everything is different. ]

Of course. The same goes for you. You may have given me a lot to think about, but I know you've been through a lot yourself.

[resnipstance]

["Been through a lot" doesn't even begin to describe it...]

... Good. I mean-- I hope you do. Think about it, I mean.

Anyway, I should really get back to the ship. I'm helping out our Captain while she's recovering from an injury, but you're welcome to drop by anytime.