"Then I don't even want to look for a way back." His mouth is dry as he says it, knowing he should, knowing he misses the rest of his family, his friends, his world. Knowing he has a responsibility to help do away with what is his fault, what he unleashed upon the world. But Anders is right. He's just a man.
A man who's lost too much. Who can't stand to lose more.
He leans Anders into him, pulling the blond against him not just to break eye contact but to hold what he can't lose. He can't stand Anders knowing he broke, doesn't even want to believe it himself. He's supposed to be the rock, the support. After Kirkwall, it just became that much more imperative that he never show any real weakness. Complaining about conditions, anger over the conflict, that was all fine, but real weakness - doubt about the future, doubt about his abilities, about Anders - that he can't show.
Yet now he has.
"I want a lifetime with you. A proper one. Without Templars or Circles or Chantry law. Without Corypheus and without the Wardens or the taint. Just you and me." He breathes into Anders' neck, somehow calm despite the outpouring of emotion that came before. "You and me."
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A man who's lost too much. Who can't stand to lose more.
He leans Anders into him, pulling the blond against him not just to break eye contact but to hold what he can't lose. He can't stand Anders knowing he broke, doesn't even want to believe it himself. He's supposed to be the rock, the support. After Kirkwall, it just became that much more imperative that he never show any real weakness. Complaining about conditions, anger over the conflict, that was all fine, but real weakness - doubt about the future, doubt about his abilities, about Anders - that he can't show.
Yet now he has.
"I want a lifetime with you. A proper one. Without Templars or Circles or Chantry law. Without Corypheus and without the Wardens or the taint. Just you and me." He breathes into Anders' neck, somehow calm despite the outpouring of emotion that came before. "You and me."