Iskaulit mingle

[lord_wizard]

Who: Anyone!
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit
When: Feb. Drift Week (and beyond?)

[The fleet, more or less patched up after their battle, has once again left civilization behind for empty space. Maybe it's a good time to distract yourself and get away from the endless repairs and nothingness, though there might still be cleaning up that needs to be done here too.

Whether you're grabbing a broom or grabbing a drink, this is a fleetwide mingle for the Iskaulit.]

Comments

[uprightness]

I never had a doubt about that.

[ he stresses that out if only because he knows how difficult it had been for him as of late. not a perfect soldier, but a good man, he had promised dr. erskine and he's not sure how it all fell apart. ]

Not a doubt.


[ steve rogers doubts itself but he'll never hurry to doubt his team. ]

[winn]

[ a few months ago, winn still would have made that joke but there would be an edge to it, a concern. he used to be so afraid of ending up like his father, of waking one day, just crazy.

but his friends, friends like steve, have helped him mostly put that fear behind him. he smiles appreciatively at the reassurance. ]

Hey, I could be wrong but...my superbrain is interpreting your current demeanor as that of someone who could use a little unloading.

[uprightness]

[ he laughs and shakes his head. he's not wrong but the term 'superbrain' is accurate. his instincts are top notch. ]

Things haven't been simple at home.

[ that might be an understatement but at the same time, it's accurately true. ]

It's getting better here.

[ as much as it can without tony. ]

[winn]

[ superbrain was meant as a joke, so he takes that laughter as a victory.

he puts a gentle hand on steve's arm. home is a confusing mess for him, all he knows about it are less than half stories, from one point of view which, while he admires, he knows doesn't belong to the most perceptive of people.

he has no idea what's going on, but he knows how painful consolidating two lives can be, especially when one of them you only hear about. ]

You wanna talk about it?

[uprightness]

I guess it isn't simple.

[ to explain. there are so many private lives involved here - tony, bucky, peggy, all of the losses that steve had to come to terms with on one night of memories and in a way, all the losses he is still trying to process, even now. ]

Feeling responsible to things happening both at home and here. We can only really do anything about one set but -

[ he smiles a bit, mirthless and silent. ]

Doesn't change how it all feels.

[winn]

No it doesn't.

[ winn nods, that much he can definitely relate to. when kara tells him about the life he's yet to lead back home, it feels like it's happening without him, like he's helpless to change it - he has no free will, he can't influence it because he's stuck in this bubble and does that mean all the personal growth he's worked so hard to achieve here is just...gone? that's maddening. it's also brain breaking when he tries to understand how going back will work. the only way he can consolidate the two worlds is if he hypothesizes that the atroma are uploading fake memories into their heads, that they can so long in between uploads because they have to work out the story in a way that would make sense. maybe kara was updated because they gained access to mon-el's wealth of information. (or maybe, and this is creepier and definitely not a thought he wants to dwell on but there's nothing he can do about it passing through his mind, mon-el is a manufactured product of the atroma as well.)

either way, thinking of what's going on back home while he's here goofing around half the time feels horrible, and nothing seems to be able to change that. ]

The first time Kara got new memories from home she told me I do something pretty messed up. It's a pretty helpless feeling, knowing that it's coming and that unless I get back to my point in time with fleet memories there's nothing I can do to change it, like I'm a character in a story and I have no real influence over my life. Of course, if I change it, we come into splitting timelines and a whole slough of problems, and I'm digressing now I just mean...I get it. It sucks.

[uprightness]

Splitting timelines?

[ he frowns, trying to put the pieces of what it could all mean. ]

You mean, you change something and the rest will change too?

[ it makes sense, one thing leads to another - a sequence of cause and effect. a change might interfere that very sequence. not a responsibility any of them can take, tempting as the very idea might be. The change will affect everyone, after all and Steve's main error leading to the downfall between him and Tony was exactly this, deciding for someone else. ]

[winn]

Basically, yeah. Like, I've lived my life up to point A. Kara's lived hers up to point B. If I go back to point A with fleet memories and Kitty and whoever else wants to come with us, Kara's point B will cease to exist, at least on my timeline, we'll create an alternate point B where I'm a different person and there's another hero in town.

[ and he can't imagine that being bad ever, but kate's warning still rings in his ears. messing with the timeline is dangerous, and his future is always going to be someone else's past. ]

[uprightness]

That doesn't sound so bad.

[ there is a sense of responsibility, of course. changing both the past and the future to receive a measure of peace in return but steve's circumstances make him more partial to understanding winn. wouldn't he have done the same for the future he lost with Peggy? ]

[winn]

It doesn't. [ it sounds pretty amazing, he wants to believe it would be that easy. ] But who knows what I could be missing, what I'm not thinking about. [ he'd risk it all for kitty anyway. ]

[uprightness]

Well, I can say this, if you two have a chance of getting out of here together, maybe it's worth taking it.

[ he puts a hand on his shoulder. ]

Not knowing what you could be missing is still better than living with the knowledge of what you have missed.

[winn]

Oh I'm not leaving here without Kitty.

[ there are no two ways about this - he's not leaving her to die, and he's not leaving her alone. whatever happens, they'll figure out, between supergirl, shadowcat, martian manhunter (and yes, as much as kara dislikes anyone mentioning needing his help - superman) - he's sure they'll be able to handle whatever comes their way. they'll have to. ]

[uprightness]

Well, I don't know much about timelines, though sometimes I feel like I should.

[ seeing how odd his life has been, stuck between lives and between worlds. ]

but if that time comes while I'm here, I'll do whatever I can to help.

[winn]

Thanks, Steve.

[ he really does appreciate it, because he would be lying if he said he weren't scared about the potential consequences. ]

And - if I can help with anything about your home problems - you know I'm always here for you.

[uprightness]

I think only time can solve some of those.

[ only some. the rift between the Avengers and hopefully, the one between him and tony. time and effort might mend these and help them create new alliances and new friendships. ]

And others - I guess there's some things that can't be changed.

[ unless one goes for the entire splitting timeline theory. ]

[winn]

Maybe not. But, when you can't change the thing itself, maybe you can do something about the circumstances surrounding it.

[ talking hypothetically is really hard when he has no idea what he's talking about, but he stubbornly clings to optimism all the same. ]

[uprightness]

[ and perhaps because steve understands this need for optimism, for hope, he nods with a little smile. ]

That's the key to making the best of anything, isn't it?

[winn]

Pretty much. Just gotta keep trying.