driftfleet | Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not

Entry tags:

Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not

Who: Adalwolfe Hawke and you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Yes (Three Twins med bay)
When: Now

[Video]

[Some may know and some may not, but even with the little communications crisis going on right now, Adalwolfe is not on the ship he's assigned to. Currently, he's been haunting the medical bay of the Three Twins instead, which is what's vaguely in the background of the video as it winks into broadcast.]

Hey everyone, Hawke here. The male one, obviously.

[He takes an awkward breath, looking a little dark and strained around the eyes, mostly from lack of sleep.]

I know there are other things going on, and these comas are perhaps old hat to some of you especially with how frequently they've been going around right now, but is it... is it normal to age so quickly in one of these mysterious comas?

[He rolls his chair out of the way of the device he has sitting on the counter, giving a side view of Anders laying prone in one of the hospital style cots, eyes closed and Ser Pounce-a-lot the orange tabby curled on his chest with no intention of moving. Anders has grown far more gaunt than when he was up and around last week, and has more than his carefully groomed five-o-clock shadow in stubble about the chin. The beard would be worse if Adalwolfe hadn't taken the time to carefully shave his fellow mage, but he's not about to announce that on the network.]

I hope it is. Otherwise I'm worried he'll waste away like this.

[Adalwolfe rolls back into view, blocking all but the swishing of Ser Pounce's tail.]

Also, to the First Breath crew, I'm sorry I'm not there to take care of the device. I'll be back--

[A glance back at Anders and Hawke shakes his head.]

I'll be back when I'm back. Until then, help yourselves to the bread and things I have stored in the galley from the last planet as an apology. There should be enough to last weeks. Just leave enough of the frozen meat to last Ser Drools until the next planet.

[With an uncharacteristically grim expression, Hawke pauses, then decides he's said his piece until someone answers, and shuts off the feed rather abruptly.]

[Action]

After shutting off the feed, Hawke leans back in his chair, flopping his forearm over his eyes for a moment as if that will somehow block out his worry. He's not sure what he's more anxious over - the thought that Anders won't wake up by himself and he'll have to try and desperately wake him in a panic before he turns to nothing but a husk, or the thought that Anders will wake up with memories of his future, memories of Kirkwall, and Adalwolfe won't be in them. It's a distinct possibility, either way. They both remember Riona, which bodes well, but so does Leliana and yet Leliana doesn't know him at all, which puts him back to square one on what to expect.

Ser Drools whines from under the console at Hawke's feet, responding to his master's turmoil. Or responding to his own turmoil at not being able to get close to Anders' bed for the cat keeping stalwart vigil on Blondie's chest.

Hawke lowers his arm and leans down to pet his dog instead, trying to stop moping and fretting for Ser Drools' sake as much as his own. He's just resolving to do that when the door opens and Adalwolfe's attention spins to that, hand poised over his puppy to see who's come in and for what.

"If you need medical attention, I'm afraid the doctor is out just now."

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[Well, that sure looks more like the Anders he knows back home. Fenris surprises himself by feeling a sense of...almost loss about this. He'd learned how different Anders had been before Justice (no, Vengeance) took residence. He's a little disappointed this has happened. Damnit, Anders.

He'll shelve his issues with Adalwolfe for now to deal with this. ]

From what I understand, Atroma sustains them somehow.

...Is it in him? Can you sense it?

[Hawke changes the video settings right away. This isn't anything anyone outside those who already know need to be told and he'd like to keep it that way until such a time that Anders decides to reveal it himself, or it becomes relevant some other way.]

Maybe, but the rate at which he's deteriorated has me worried. I know he was thin in Kirkwall, but seeing it happen all at once is frightening.

[He draws his mouth into a line. He wouldn't have shared that with Fenris before, his worries over Anders and how terrible he is at taking care of himself, but here he's vowed to be open and honest with the elf and he's holding to that.]

As for Justice...

[A sigh. A very worried and heavy sigh.]

Yes, he's there. I sensed him last night. He's sleeping, I think, like Anders is but he's there.

[Fenris would very much disagree with that statement. Anders with Vengeance is dangerous. Anders with Vengeance murders people in their hundreds. Fenris is of the opinion the people on the Fleet deserve to know what they're flying with.

Still. It's a shame. Anders had very almost made himself tolerable. Or at least got to the point where Fenris didn't want to cave his face in. That's...likely going to change very soon.]

You'll have to forgive me for not finding any sympathy.

[That's a lie. There is some. For the Anders that was here. The young Anders who hadn't let the spirit consume him and twist him into the Anders Fenris knew back home. But what is done is done, no going back now. ]

And when Anders awakens, no doubt it will too.

He probably will, yes. I'm looking into what can be done about that, have been since arriving as well as I can.

[He taps his foot under him, but it's enough to jostle his entire side a little, nervous as the movement is.]

Fenris, you've talked to him, haven't you? Here in the fleet, before he went to sleep. You know how much different he is from the Anders we knew. As much as he claims Justice is his friend, it's undeniable that he was the driving force behind what happened.

[Adalwolfe pinches the bridge of his nose.]

I know you understand that, calling Justice an 'It.' If there's a way to separate them safely, that's what I'm looking for. I don't know if I'll need help, but at least tell me what you think of the idea.

[He does want to know, even if he's afraid of the answer.]

As much as I am not Anders' biggest fan. [THAT'S an understatement.] I have come to understand that much of what made him what he was in Kirkwall, especially towards the end, was pushed by the demon. And it is a demon at this point. What happened to the Chantry was Vengeance, not Justice.

[Still, he exhales softly. He understands possession to be a permanent thing. Whenever it happened in Tevinter, that was that. The demon was bound to that person and there was no changing that. ]

There is little I can do in that regard. I'm not a mage. [Like Hawke even needs to be reminded of that, come on Fenris. ] I am not sure if you can even do it without killing him. But if it were possible, it would be the safest choice for the Fleet at large. Perhaps even for Anders himself.

...That is of course assuming there's anything of Anders left in there.

It's a lot more complicated than Vengeance being a demon. Really Rage is the demon and Vengeance is the more negatively connotative--

[He trails off. Not the time. He normally doesn't ramble like that but the lack of sleep is starting to get to him and Adalwolfe rubs at his eyes as if that will do anything to clear his mind.]

Nevermind, it's splitting hairs. You are right though, he is Vengeance. And he has to come out, somehow. Cole said there wasn't a way without killing the both of them that he knew of, but we have access here to people with skills outside of what's known in Thedas. Surely someone must know something that can help.

[He regards Fenris gravely.]

I meant what I said, about not losing anyone again. It goes for you but it goes for Anders too. I don't want to lose him to that spirit or demon or whatever he is right now, nor do I think what was once Justice even relishes being Vengeance.

[Hawke clears his throat, voice sounding dry.]

If it comes to it, I'll sacrifice Vengeance to save Anders. I'd rather just... I don't know, punt him back into the Fade instead, but I can't even feel the Veil here, let alone access it in my dreams. I'm not that kind of mage anyway.

Hn. It is beyond the abilities of Thedosians, but there are many, many worlds here. Some of them even deal with magic in ways most mages of Thedas would only ever dream of.

[He sounds wary about that. He just straight up doesn't like the idea of some of the magic he's seen in his time away from home cross over somehow. Mages are dangerous enough. They don't need help in that regard. Not the ones without control.]

I don't care if it relishes what it's become or not. It needs to be eradicated. If it was brought out of Anders and left in-tact, it could easily possess someone much, much more powerful than Anders. Can you not imagine what horrors it could unleash on everyone here, where no one has anywhere to run from it?

I'll stand behind your desire to keep the mage alive. But never Vengeance.

I'm not going to go around teaching all of Thedas how to tear down the Veil, Fenris. Of all people, I know how dangerous we can be when we're not in control, but that's the point of this. There isn't a mage in Thedas who knows how to extract a spirit safely, not that I know of, and I looked.

[While they were freeing Towers, while they were carrying on their work outside Kirkwall, the real reason Hawke kept moving from Tower to Tower in the Free Marches and then in Ferelden and was in part to secretly find a way to split Anders and Vengeance. He wasn't successful, clearly, all the knowledge in the libraries of these Towers or of the amiable senior enchanters repeated the same thing; there is no way to split a spirit or demon from its host. Death is the only option.

He won't believe it.]

You are right about Vengeance, though. I'm not an idiot, I can see what would happen should he get into someone else, especially in such an enclosed space. No, I won't let that happen. And I know you won't either, that's why I ask for your help.

[He lets out a slow breath, comforted by the fact that Fenris will stand beside him in trying to keep Anders alive, whatever becomes of Vengeance.]

If we do separate them successfully, I don't know if the spirit - or demon, whatever it is right now - will just disappear back into the Fade. I don't know if we're even connected to it in dreams now. If we are, this might be simpler if I can remember the ritual Merrill's Keeper used in Feynriel. Do you remem-...

[He stops for a moment, frowning at his slip.]

Rather, did your Hawke ever meet Feynriel?

Precisely. I'm not disagreeing with you on that. I agree that we need outside help in order to remove it.

[Fenris is silent for a small spell, before exhaling slowly. ]

Yes. He did. Feynriel went to Tevinter after- that mess.

[Fenris is still not comfortable with that. Someone with so much power being able to wander around in Tevinter...it could only end in disaster. ]

[He's not going to address that, not when he knows good came of it, and that he believes it's the best place for Feynriel with the Circles being what they are. They would have made him Tranquil, and with his choice in wanting to leave the Elves, it's not as if Marethari could have made him stay. He would have ended up there anyway, with nowhere he'd have been able to return to if things went poorly. It's an ideological argument though, and not one he's willing to have with Fenris. At least, not yet.]

Something like that ritual, a way to get into Anders' head, might work. Anders said after Kirkwall that he and Vengeance are one, that he can't tell the difference anymore, but I don't believe that. If there's a way to separate them, it's going to either be in the Fade - which we can't get to directly as far as I'm aware - or in his mind.

[Hawke drums his fingers on the table in front of him, thinking.]

You've been here quite a bit longer than I have. Do you know of anyone trustworthy with the ability to mindwalk?

Edited 2016-08-17 00:09 (UTC)

[Fenris would much rather go the tranquil route with Feynriel. It would have been safer for everyone. But any Hawke he's spoken to of such things tends to be rather touchy about the subject, and he really isn't in the mood to, once again, explain his reasoning's. None of them have lived in Tevinter. None of them know truly how bad it can be.]

I do not think so. But I do not really make it my business to grow close enough to people with magical abilities to learn of such things. The few I was aware of have gone.

You would have to ask around.

I will. Discreetly, if I can manage.

[One would think, knowing the man, that discretion isn't really in his repertoire but there's something to be said for his ability to hide certain important things in his adult life. He was never arrested for apostacy, which is a miracle in the later years of Kirkwall, considering, but his time in Ferelden had been tempered by his father's words in order to keep their family safe. This, too, is to keep his family safe. Anders has suffered enough, Adalwolfe won't be the cause for furthering it if he can help it, eve if this has to be done.]

I understand if asking you to do the same is too much.

I will see what I can do, but understand I am doing this neither for his sake, nor yours. I'm doing it to protect the people in this Fleet, the people on my ship. It's my job to do so.

[He may not want Anders to die, but they aren't exactly on good terms, either. And he and Adalwolfe...well, maybe in time he will learn to tolerate the man, but the trust will never be there. These are two people plans to exercise caution with for the rest of his time here. He isn't planning on doing them any favours.

But his crew, and the few friends he's made elsewhere in the Fleet...they deserve to be safe. ]

I understand that perfectly.

[It leaves a bad taste in his mouth and the thought comes unbidden that maybe there's little point in him actually trying with Fenris. He pushes it aside as leftover aftermath of that terrible night in Kirkwall, that he won't know until he tries. Continues to try, at any rate, but Fenris' open disregard for him is a frustrating thing to someone used to being heeded by those around him whether he's aware of it or not.]

I'm not going to let anything happen to jeopardize innocent people.

[He considers making a jab at whatever Hawke Fenris knew, that he must have been terrible at keeping those in his care safe if Fenris believes of Adalwolfe that he would willingly put others in danger, but ultimately it's too petty and too much like holding up a mirror to his own idiotic face. Garrett is Marian is Adalwolfe and while there are differences, there are painful similarities too.

Father dead. Mother dead. At least one sibling always dead. He always fails at something. And apparently, by all evidence, he himself is the worst offender just due to the cranky elf on the other end of the line.

Damn it all to the Void.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.]

Whoever it's for, just don't do anything without talking to me first. That's all I ask.

I'm glad to hear that, on both counts.

[He would happily give Adalwolfe a really long list of reasons why his Hawke is an absolute dickhead. The man couldn't go anywhere without starting a fight with someone, and seemed to delight into goading his companions into arguments with him on a nigh constant basis. Still, he'd earned all their loyalties, despite his abrasive attitude. They all knew however much they wanted to punch him, he would still have their corner. ]

Believe me, I have no intention of doing otherwise.

[He'd kind of like to hear it. Or maybe not. He wouldn't be sure, if it were actually on the table. Maybe it will be at some point but right now he feels he's pushing his luck on this conversation not somehow morphing into an argument despite being on the same page about the issue at hand. He's not going to start off on a tangent that in all likelihood will make him intensely uncomfortable.]

Thank you. I'll let you know if I find anything.

[He's not sure if Fenris would have an opinion on it so long as it ostensibly does what they're after, or if Fenris not being a mage would even understand whatever undoubtedly complex spell Hawke locates, but the deference to his opinion has to count for something, right?]

[Wise move on his part. After all, dealing with Fenris is trying to coax an angry cat out of a room filled with rocking chairs. ]

I appreciate that.

[It counts for more than he can truly realise, even if Fenris isn't of the mind to show it just yet. It's something to think about.]

[It's a funny thing how Adalwolfe works. He's actually quite diplomatic when needed, even if he doesn't feel as if he is at all. It's because he always sees how things could have gone better instead of feeling relief that they didn't go much worse. At least in this instance he feels a modicum of success in ending the call amicably instead of one of them abruptly cutting it off angrily.]

Until then.

[He smiles a bit, maybe a little awkwardly but there's still hopefulness there, even if its intermingled with relief, and then he turns hits the end key on his device.

Now to wait and see if any of this had any point. If Anders never actually wakes up, then...

He doesn't want to think about it.]

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Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not

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