video / action

[hymnals]

Who: Adrasteius; perhaps you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Bishop; kitchens
When: N to the O W

[Adra's in the ship's kitchen, seated at the table. A shimmering, golden aura limns his entire body, concentrated particularly at the crown of his blonde head. The faint impression of angelic wings blinks in and out of corporeality on his back as he speaks, sometimes seeming almost solid.]

I'm here today to speak to you about the Light. No, I don't mean that thing in the ceiling, or the sun, or any physical, mechanical sources of illumination, so let's nip that idiot question right in the bud. I'm talking religion, people, which some of you desperately need. A religion that isn't bullshit.

[He leans forward; steeples his hands.]

First of all: no gods. No capital G 'God' or 'Maker' or 'Creator' or what-have-you. No offense if that's part of the dogma, I guess, but it doesn't strike me right. Most of the gods I've met needed a swift kick to their many-mouthed faces, personally.

Second of all: no judgment. Of course, those who wield the Light can and must judge, but the Light itself brooks no discrimination. Whatever you've done, and for whatever reason you've done it, the Light forgives. The Light is grace: by definition, ever present, albeit never deserved. A gift of the universe.

Because, you see, the Light is an omnipresent, divine force. It is the name we give to every person's individual connection the universe. Under its teaching, we recognize our place in the great span of space and time--and our responsibility to influence the universe positively, to bring comfort, to soothe pain, to offer hope.

[Adra gestures with his hands, and as he does so, Light sparks from his fingers. The energy darts around the room, looking for all the world like a cascade of shooting stars. He might be trying to show off a little--or, at least, just trying to demonstrate that what he's talking about can be empirically observed.]

Practitioners follow a path of three virtues: respect, tenacity, and compassion, taught in that order. Don't worry: I won't go into it. Not today.

[But another day. Sooner rather than later.

The glow around his body fades. He smiles, a beatific, genuine expression.]

The point is--religion doesn't have to be damaging. It doesn't have to be oppressive. There are philosophies, churches, that work for good. Mine is one of them. It's here for you. I'm here for you.

Just letting you know.

Comments

[child_of_bhaal]

[Yeah, she knows. Plus, she said that was on a good night. Not an average one. Or a bad one.

She does lead on, it's a short walk. It's a small ship. And uh, she opens the hole in the floor for him. She has to jump in first to do that. Stupid things liked to swing shut.

And the theme of small continues in her 'room'. There's the bed, which is pretty much what showed up. There's a whole lot of nothing else in there, except books she's borrowed from the library.]

I'd apologize for the mess, but there's not really anything to be messy.

[hymnals]

[He shrugs; he's hardly worried about that kind of thing, anyway. He slips through the hole, and once he's in, he leans against the wall, his arms folded over his chest.

As ever, he's eager to dispense with formalities.]

So. You seemed about to say something over the network.

[child_of_bhaal]

[Strange, you'd think cutting to the chase would feel less awkward. But she feels a little pressured suddenly. So she fidgets, wandering her small, mostly empty room.]

We've sort of lost the momentum here. I'm not exactly sure how to say it.

I mean, blurting it out is an option. Would that work?

[hymnals]

[He can't disagree about momentum, but, he's also not one to dawdle.

Instead, he offers her a half-smile.]

I get everything done via blurting.

[child_of_bhaal]

[That gets a short, breathy laugh out of her. It barely eases the tension.]

The gods are very real and present on Toril. They affect the mortal world on a constant basis.

So, not very long ago, something happened that we call The Time of Troubles. Where all the gods were made mortal. Gods were killed during this time. But one god, Bhaal, the Lord of Murder, foresaw his death. So he walked the world for years before, begetting mortal spawn, to fuel his rebirth. There's a prophecy and everything.

"The Lord of Murder shall perish
But in his doom he shall spawn a score of mortal progeny
Chaos will be sown from their passing."

And if my life experience is anything to go by, the prophecy is extremely accurate.

[hymnals]

[He gesticulates, moving his hands in 'so, let me see if I have this right' circles.]

Aaand you're one of those begotten, I'm presuming.

[child_of_bhaal]

Guilty.

[What a very telling turn of phrase, Sye.]

[hymnals]

[A gentle sigh.]

Okay, first of all, no one's guilty of being born. Second of all, so you had a shit dad. I'm not trying to be reductive, but--lots of people have shit dads. And, where I'm from, that does sometimes include horrific beings bent on destroying the world, etc.

People aren't actually fruit trees, Syeira. Your apple can go wherever it likes.

[child_of_bhaal]

It's a nice theory. Doesn't much pan out in practice.

[She sits down on the edge of her bed, hands clasped between her knees. She's just so tired.]

People die because of me. Sometimes it's because I kill them, sometimes my friends kill them. Sometimes they die because they were standing in the same room as me.

The worst part is... [She turns her head, looks at the wall.] I know it's because of what I am. I almost killed someone on the waystation, after we were attacked. It was just habit. Once an enemy attacks, I kill them. Zhas is the only reason that man is still alive.

[She keeps looking at the wall. She can't look at Adra while she says this.]

I wanted to kill him. I was irritated when Zhas stopped me. It's getting harder and harder to separate myself from the Taint.

[hymnals]

Hmmm.

[He's trying to separate out the threads of what she's told him--to remove the patina of evident self-hatred, first of all.]

Why did you want to kill him? Was he trying to hurt you? Does this--taint--compel you towards violence?

[child_of_bhaal]

He would have killed us, if he could have. He'll kill someone else. I'm glad that Zhas stepped in. But in the moment, I felt like I was being cheated of what was rightfully mine. He failed to kill me, so his life was forfeit.

[She's never had to think of it in terms of 'why'. Everyone had always just understood. Bhaalspawn brought death. So trying to find the right words feels like she's groping in the dark.]

I don't know if it's like this for any of the other bhaalspawn. I know it can be different. Imoen, my sister, was ignorant of her heritage completely until this past year. She never had these feelings, or the dreams. She was innocent. I don't know what it's like for her now.

[hymnals]

So you were acting in self-defense. You didn't just pick up a weapon and go looking for some ribs to stick it into.

[child_of_bhaal]

You make it sound so uncomplicated.

[She casts him a joyless smile.]

Self-defense is an easy excuse. It's a way in. I've killed a lot of people in self-defense. But there are always those times, when it isn't self-defense. Yes, maybe it was either them or me,[She thinks of Sarevok, of Bodhi, of Irenicus.] but I wanted to do it. I wanted them to die, and I wanted to be the one who brought their end.

[hymnals]

Everything is complicated. There's just no reason to make it more so.

[He clasps his hands together, quiet for a moment.]

I have a twin brother. His name's Aurelius. Growing up, everyone liked him better than me. He's much taller, for one thing. Charismatic. But there was always something--not quite right with him.

[child_of_bhaal]

[Despite the fact that she knows, whatever it is, unless Adra says the words "child of a murder god" or something close to that, that Aurelius' problem is in no way close to the issue that hers is, she doesn't cut him off. She doesn't get irritated. She understands that he's trying to grasp this issue. Trying to make her feel less alone. She won't stop him before he starts. Who knows, it might help.]

Go on.

[hymnals]

I won't go into the whole thing. Suffice to say, he got worse and worse as we grew older. Hurt a lot of people. Hurt himself. Hurt me. When I finally started making friends, developing genuine relationships that he couldn't break or frighten away, he lost it.

He went into the woods, and he cut open his own throat, and he gave himself over to the Lich King--an entity of immense, godlike power, a creature of pure evil. Aurelius became a death knight, and he terrorized us--me--for years.

[child_of_bhaal]

I'm sorry.

[It's all she can offer. And she doesn't say the thought that comes into her head. That it was a choice. A cruel, selfish choice, but still a choice. And Aurelius was born with the ability to choose his path. Syeira doesn't feel she ever did.]

[hymnals]

[Adra waves off the apology.]

I got him back. It was work, but I did. He has his own mind now, and while he can never go back to what he was--undeath is permanent--I think he's more himself now than ever before. He has a family, and not just me.

Point is: he did horrible things. Made terrible decisions. And he struggles with violent impulses every day, as all his kind do. But that doesn't mean he can't also be a good person. That doesn't mean he can't fight.

If you have something in you, something genetic, some curse of birth--that's terrible. But it's a fight you can win.

[child_of_bhaal]

[They're comforting words. If she'd had these doubts even six months ago, they'd have comforted her. But now...

She shakes her head. Less denial, more uncertainty.]

I'd like to believe that. But things are different now than they used to be.

[She should just tell him.]

A mage kidnapped me about a year ago. He experimented on me and Imoen. I didn't know it at the time, but it was to prepare us for a spell that removes Divine Souls from bhaalspawn. I escaped, but he kept Imoen. So I followed. It was a trap, and I fell right into it. After, I was changed. There was an emptiness inside me. My Soul was always keeping the Taint in its place. But with it gone, the Taint grew.

Before, I had some small power that just came with being a bhaalspawn. Extra healing spells, that sort of thing. Those disappeared. In its place was something new. The Slayer. It's an avatar of Bhaal. A form he could take on when he wanted to slaughter. The first time I changed, I was lost to my rage, and my desire to kill Bodhi. I wanted it more than I wanted to live. The second time, it happened in my sleep. I almost killed my friends. It was a very near thing.

[hymnals]

You say almost. That means you didn't.

[He sighs.]

I'm not trying to minimize the gravity of what you must go through. But if you were as monstrous as you claim, none of this would even matter to you. You wouldn't fear it. You wouldn't worry about it. You'd let yourself go. But you haven't.

I'm sure that every day is a war, possibly one without end. But it can be endured. Its tide can turn.

[child_of_bhaal]

But it can't. I'll lose eventually. Maybe not while I live, but when I die...

[She rakes a hand through her hair again, huffs out a sigh.]

I know exactly what will happen to me. I've been there.

[hymnals]

Unfortunately, life itself is a war we all lose out on in the end.

Where will you go?

[child_of_bhaal]

A very special Hell, made just for the children of Bhaal. He takes his power back, and his children get to suffer forever as thanks.

I could live for ten thousand years. I could be a perfect saint. And that would still be my fate. It makes it hard. The Taint knows it too. It's talked about being remembered, because that's the one thing I could get. I could be remembered.

[The good news is she doesn't sound tempted by that prospect.]

[hymnals]

Sounds like the after-life in store for the undead. A terrible, and unfair, ending.

[He shakes his head.]

No one can change the facts of your birth. But you can change the facts of your life. Especially with people to support you.

[child_of_bhaal]

I used to think that. But after that planet, I wonder if that's true. I wonder if I'm just standing on a rock in the ocean and waiting for the tide to come in.

It used to be I knew the line between the Taint and myself. But they blurred down there. I had thoughts about killing that just seemed natural. How long can I go on exhaustion and willpower?