🎂 001 The Saga Begins

[preformthisneigh]

Who: Cheese Sandwich and YOU
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Marsiva
When: Right now!

[It takes a lot to worry an Equestrian. Given the fact their country faces some sort of horrendous attack once every few months, they've become rather used to the unexpected dropping upon them from great heights. As such, when the little tan pony hops out of bed, he doesn't look worried, but he does look a tad confused.

The last thing he remembers is seeing the magical rainbow all the way across the sky (it was so intense) and now, suddenly, there is space. He pulls a rubber chicken out of seemingly nowhere, plopping it on his back, before starting to walk over to the window, his hooves clip-clopping against the metal floor as he glances around his surroundings.]

Okaaaay. This is new. Where the hay are we?

[He rests a forehoof against the window once he arrives at it, peering out into the vast nothingness. He remembers another place, that wasn't Equestria, and was prone to fits of magical strangeness. He puts two and two together to make five. When he speaks again, it's a little louder, as if addressing an invisible audience, which he thinks he is.]

Hey, everypony. Did the castle turn into space while I was away?

[He wanders away from the window, seeking out his journal. He pays the communicator no mind for now, the thing he's looking for is distinctly more book-shaped.]

Comments

[horrendous]

They don't just... make it rain to spite people? Wow.

[He's used to a more cutthroat society. A society where there are people like Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Or Snotlout. He charged people for water, once.]

Ah. Yes. Yes I did. [He holds up his hands.] Not all of them are enormous-- or even fire-breathing. Though that's definitely the majority. They-- they can live in harmony with humans, at least on my world. I'm living proof of that.

[preformthisneigh]

Only when they're playing pranks, otherwise, they take their jobs pretty seriously.

[They need to, or everypony will DIE. He doesn't look all that convinced on the dragon front.]

We got one nice dragon in Equestria, but he was raised by ponies, so I'm not sure how much he counts? [Sorry Spike, just gonna throw you under a bus there.] Most of them attack a pony on sight. The ones I'm used to really don't get harmony.

[horrendous]

There might be a reason they attack. Some dragons are really territorial, and if that's a problem, you have to relocate them somewhere they won't hurt anyone.

[Poor Spike. He's not even a real dragon yet.]

There could be a lot of reasons.

[preformthisneigh]

Yeah, and theirs is called lunch.

[It sure sucks being a sentient herbivore in a land surrounded by giant, magical carnivores.]

[horrendous]

Oh. Yes, there's that too.

[He frowns.]

Do they attack your home a lot?

[preformthisneigh]

Luckily, no. They mostly steer clear of pony towns. You might be unlucky enough to run into one out on the road, or in the Everfree Forest, but that's true for pretty much everything that wants to eat us.

[Being a drifter in Equestria is akin to wandering around with a Free Lunch sign on your head. ]

[horrendous]

Yeesh. Your world sounds more dangerous than mine.

[PONIES WHY.]

[preformthisneigh]

[That gets a laugh. Equestria is such a messed up place to live. ]

I guess, I mean, we're pretty used to world-conquering megalomaniacs at this point. They crop up every couple months.

[horrendous]

[It really is, wtf. And here he thought everyone was just super cute ponies and rainbows.]

Is there some kind of convention for crazies that we don't know about? Do they just get together and decide, 'oh, hey, let's completely lose all sense of sanity and start running over everyone else in existence for stupid short-sighted goals'?

[preformthisneigh]

[The rainbows are nukes. ]

I wonder if they draw straws over who's turn it is to have a failed world-takeover attempt? Can they even be trusted to play fair? They are untrustworthy by nature. They must have some neutral party judge or something.

[horrendous]

I doubt it. That's why you see the same guy pop up two or three times. That or he's just trying really hard.

[preformthisneigh]

At least ours wait a couple thousand years or so before showing up again.

[horrendous]

That's-- wow. That's a long time. We're not that lucky, unfortunately. Human lifespans and all of that.

[preformthisneigh]

Most ponies don't live that long, either, except for the alicorns. Most of our cackling moustache twirlers aren't ponies at all, or had some magic....weirdness to make them live that long.