driftfleet | Never Laugh at Live Dragons

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Never Laugh at Live Dragons

Who: Finrod
Broadcast: open broadcast
Action: let's go with N/A for now
When: August 28, earlier in the evening.

[Finrod appears on the communicator, offering the viewers his best smile.]

Good evening. [Or what passes for evening in space. It’s hard to tell. Look, just roll with it.]

I have been doing a great deal of thinking as of late and it occurs to me that I have been most fortunate in the friends that I have made here. Most likely it need not be said, but I come from a world with technology far less advanced than that which is used here. Had certain individuals not taken pity upon me, I would have been at a great loss for far longer than I was.

I think I should like to do something similar for others, if I can.

I still cannot claim expertise in the technology here, of course, but I have been here long enough to develop a working knowledge of it. And I believe it may be easier for me to explain such things to another with a background similar to my own. I may promise, at least, a patient ear and a lack of overly complex terminology.

[And later, in a more serious tone, Finrod makes another call.]

[Private to Beverly Crusher, video]

[Something is slightly off with Finrod. It’s subtle, but it’s there. His voice lacks the usual jovial tone and he is utterly bare of ornament- no jewelry, a simple tunic.]
I have a favor to ask of you, my friend. It will amount to an unnecessary precaution, I am sure. [He doesn’t look sure.] But I think it best if a healer is aware of what I plan to do.

[Action for Tek, on the Pathstone]

[If you guessed from the lack of ornamentation that Finrod was going for a look of humility, you were right. Notably, he has also left his sword behind- a very deliberate (and uncomfortable) gesture. And now he goes to do something no sane elf has ever done, unless under extreme duress.

He goes to seek out a dragon.

Not exactly the best reason to revisit the Pathstone, but Finrod is well aware that he owes Tek an apology- more than an apology, in truth. And that is something he has ignored for far too long. So his first stops are Tek’s usual haunts, as best he remembers them. And if that doesn’t work- well, he’ll think about that when and if it happens.]

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I would be very grateful to have a teacher. I'm still struggling with most of the mundane parts of living on a ship.

Believe me, I know the feeling all too well. Somehow I always imagined if I were to spend a great amount of time aboard ship, there would be more water involved.

And a real sky overhead, possibly weather. [She nods in agreement.] This kind of living is unnatural.

It is. [He agrees.] But I must admit, there is something fascinating about it. In my short time here, I have seen more that is new to me than I might in centuries in my own home.

[Oh well that's not an alarming message to receive, not at all. Beverly's eyes widen, though she tries to keep her voice calm.]

Why? What are you going to do?

[Yeah, sorry about that. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.]

I am going to attempt to make amends with one who I have wronged, in short. But I do not know how I will be received.

You remember the planet of Mor, I assume?

[Well, making amends is a good thing right? Or at least, a well-intended thing. Still, she hesitates in her response, wary of where this is leading.]

... yes... I do... Why? What happened?

Edited 2015-08-30 02:59 (UTC)

I was part of a group which worked to slay a dragon whilst we were there. I was well intended and I had reasoning behind my actions, but I will not explain them to you; it would only sound like a defense of what I now understand to have been beyond foolish. And regardless of my intentions, the damage was the same.

[He doesn't quite meet her eyes for this last sentence.] I have since learned that Tek was the dragon in question.

[For a moment, Beverly looks simply stunned as she takes a step back, but that shock quickly turns into anger: her jawline hardens and her voice develops a sharp edge few people in the fleet have yet encountered.

Ironically, Tek is one of them. But arguing about religion and finding out someone you consider a friend helped kill someone you care about (because Tek is Tek and friendship is not quite the word to describe their connection to one another) are radically different things. Not that in her mind it really matters who the dragon was, morally speaking, but this just hits her a little bit harder on a personal level.]

You? You were a part of that... that hunting party? Because that's what it was, wasn't it? A hunt. You hunted down a fellow sentient being, another member of the fleet, but oh well, glad to know you were well-intentioned.

[She crosses her arms and glares.]

At least you do have the decency to realize your intentions mean next to nothing in this situation.

Edited 2015-08-30 14:53 (UTC)

[His jaw sets, his posture straightens, and his tone goes cool. She's not wrong, not entirely, and he knows it. But damned if he's going to let all that go by without comment.]

Tell me, Dr. Crusher, had you much experience with dragons before your arrival here?

[He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, almost without seeming to realize he's doing it.] Dagor Bragollach was when they made they first appearance on Middle Earth- "the Battle of Sudden of Flame." The Dark Lord sent forth his latest creation against us, Glaurung, the father of dragons. Our forces were...devastated. I cannot tell you how many fell that day; it was beyond counting. Two of my brothers numbered among the dead. I very nearly did myself.

[It takes him longer than he'd care to admit to shake himself out of the memories, for his mind to find its way back to the present.]

Yes, I hunted down 'a fellow sentient being,' as you put it, and, had my assumptions been correct, I do not believe I would have been wrong to do so. Save perhaps that no sane elf seeks out contact with a dragon.

My mistake was in assuming that the dragons of other worlds would be similar in nature to my own. I should have known better and my recklessness has cost another dearly. I assure you, you needn't lecture me. I will carry this with me into the Halls of Mandos, whenever I may see them.

[It very much matters who the dragon was, to him. If only because he might never have had the realization that dragons of Middle Earth =/= dragons elsewhere otherwise. Had the dragon been one of, or like those in, his own world, he would have no problem at all with his actions.]

[No, Beverly has not had experience with dragons, but she does have plenty of experience with loss of loved ones and the loss of one's home. Perhaps more importantly, she's well acquainted with the fear of an enemy of overwhelming, seemingly impossible power. If it weren't for Hugh... she doesn't like to think about what she had originally been willing to do to the Borg, to stop them. So:]

I'm not going to. It's clear you are feeling enough remorse as it is.

[Just as it's clear that she's still angry and upset with him, and probably will be for a while.]

[Fair enough. He certainly can't argue that reaction isn't warranted. Still, there was a reason he contacted her and told her this in the first place and he doesn't intend to forget about that. Otherwise, he'd leave it at that. Instead, there's an awkward pause before he continues.]

If the encounter should go... less well than I hope and I should require medical attention, it is quite likely I would be unable to articulate my location to anyone I might call for aid. All I ask is that you bear this in mind, should you receive a message from me in the coming hour or so. Or pass this along to another, if you would be unwilling to treat me, should the worst occur.

[He just really doesn't want to bleed out on the floor again. It was not fun the first time and he'd prefer not to repeat the experience.]

[She bristles somewhat at that. No one is going to bleed out on the floor, not on her watch.]

I would never refuse medical aid to someone who needed it, no matter how angry I might be. It would go against everything I stand for, everything I swore to be as a doctor. Besides...

[Deep sigh.]

I care about you, just as I care about Tek, and I don't want to see either of you hurt.

I thought you might say something of that nature. [But he wanted to give her an out anyway. It had seemed best.]

I truly think this will prove an unnecessary precaution. If Tek wished vengeance, he would have executed it by now. He has certainly had amble opportunity. [A sigh of his own. He is well aware this is all probably a little paranoid. But dealing with dragons had so seldom ended well for any elf. Paranoia seems natural.] If all goes as it should, then neither of us will be hurt.

I wish I could share in your confidence, but Tek... I can't say how he will react.

I know. Perhaps it is not so much confidence as an attempt to convince myself. [A shaky little smile.]

But regardless, an apology is the least I owe him- and it is only right to deliver it in person.

[She crosses her arm and her mouth forms a grim line.]

I completely agree.

[The fact that he's doing this, and came to the conclusion that he should on his own, at least earns a little forgiveness from her, though Tek has every right not to accept the apology. And what of the others in the hunting party? Are they letting Finrod take all the blame?]

But you shouldn't have to go alone. You are not the only one responsible for this.

I alone am responsible for my own actions and that is all I intend to answer for. Whether the others wish to do the same is on their consciences, not mine. And it may well be that some have. [Given the way he found out about Tek's identity, he assumes Jove has had some sort of conversation with him.]

I hope they have, for Tek's sake.

When are you meeting him?

I intend to stop by the Pathstone after our conversation, in fact. [Give Tek a heads up? Now why should he do that?]

Right now? Have you told him you're coming?

[There is a long pause and you can practically see the gears shifting in Finrod's head as he sees the situation as Beverly is seeing it. Seeing himself as a source of trauma.

If their situations were reversed, he would really want to prepare.]

I should, shouldn't I? [He groans in frustration and rubs his forehead.] I am such a damned fool. I should have considered the discomfort my presence will bring. But no, it is the same as always- make a decision and go forward in haste. You would think I would have learned.

[At this point she's not really inclined to disagree with the "damned fool" assessment (though she's been known to rush headlong into things herself).]

You still have time to rectify it. I would suggest sending him a letter, at the very least, warning him of your arrival.

I will.

[He looks at up at Beverly again, giving her a little nod.] You have my thanks, Dr. Crusher. Perhaps this will sound strange to you, but I am grateful for your honesty and all you have said. It means a great deal to know that you will speak truth to me always. [Even when it's something he doesn't want to hear.]

[Damn it, it would really help if he stopped sounding so decent.]

No thanks are necessary. I only said what needed to be said.

[Sorry, Bev. He's a confusing person.]

Nevertheless- [He gives another little dip of his head.] Be well, Dr. Crusher. Na lû hen- until later.

[She nods in kind.]

Until later.

[She'll certainly need the time to process all of this.]

[he happens not to be holed up in his precious office 'lair' when Finrod arrives, not currently muffled by the wards that surround that room, so he senses the other aged presence on the ship fairly quickly.

even with the warning, however, he still seems surprised to see the elf in the corridor as he exits up out of his bunk room.

and he hangs back at the sort of distance that could have been considered simply polite, if someone hadn't known the story behind it. it's just casual, instinctual caution. and he lifts his chin in greeting, but is otherwise silent. he's letting his ex-crewmate have the first words here, while he gives a little glance to gather up the subtle, unspoken details-- the elf's humble look does not go unnoted.]

[The silence hangs heavy between them for a moment as Finrod shifts uncomfortably and searches for the right words.

He had prepared for this. And normally he does not have difficulty in expressing himself. Far from it, in fact. But knowing that this particular individual was a dragon- a dragon who had good reason to resent him- made him feel a little faint.]

I have wronged you gravely. [He begins simply, folding his hands in front of him.] And I am aware that I now owe you a debt that I can never fully repay. I am aware also that you have nor reason to accept my apologies.

Nevertheless, I wish to attempt to make amends. My actions on Mor were born of fears and assumptions formed in another world. It was ignorant and reckless to apply them here and I cannot properly express the shame I feel for having done so- and for what it has cost you.

[He will pause there and wait, head bowed, allowing Tek his reaction.]

[when in the presence of people who know his true nature, Tek has always been less inclined to put much energy toward his warm, human mask. and when around those who he has absolutely no desire to charm or put at ease, he doesn't bother with the effort at all.

so, as Finrod reveals the reason for his visit, all of the subtle, comfortable, mammalian elements of his mannerisms drain away. he quietly drops the pretense. Finrod gets the honor of seeing Tek just a little more honest than his usual.

his features go cold and mostly vacant, in that reptilian sort of way, and he doesn't bother much with little things like frequent blinking. it's not overtly malicious, but it does end up more or less predatory--in the way that he simply is a predator, and it now shows. it makes his whole being more quiet, guarded, and difficult to read. the hall just hangs silent while he takes patient, extended moments to think, before he finally answers.]

I've been wondering something, Finrod. ...Do you remember the process of dying?

[--asked as lightly as anything else.]

[That look? Is not helping Finrod suppress the flight or flight response that already threatens to break his composure. Every nerve is firing, telling him to run, to do something.

His jaw clenches, but his tone remains even.]

I do. It is... hazy in parts, but I remember.

[though he doesn't show it--he doesn't show much of anything right now--picking up that tension is satisfying. it makes him feel somewhat vindicated after their little altercation... and it also just pleases the predator in him a little bit.]

What was it like?

[For a moment, it almost seems like he won't answer. His answer comes slowly and with a marked hesitation.]

There was pain, of course. [Without thought, he reaches up and brushes his fingers along his neck, tracing the lines of a wound that is no longer there- a scar that doesn't exist.] Chiefly I remember cold and darkness- the feeling of life ebbing from my veins.

[hesitation is good--it means he's being honest.]

...And, your mind?

Were you thinking about anything?

[Again there is a pause.]

My last thoughts were of he who I gave my life to save- Beren, of the House of Bëor. I still do not know his fate. [Something that clearly troubles him.] I thought also of my realm and of my family.

...Were you ready to go?

I was... prepared. But that is not the same thing, is it?

[He looks up at Tek finally, raising his eyes from the floor.] I have been blessed with the gift of foresight, you see. Not in so grand a manner as some, but even so- I had known for quite some time that I would not live to an old age.

No. It isn't the same.

[even though he would never be able to read the outcome of his own life, and isn't as skilled in it as he could be to begin with, Tek is still a creature of Fate. he has some idea of what it's like to have Foresight.]

You were warned... and yet you still ended up in a bottle over it, here.

It is one thing to know you will die; it is another to feel the flesh ripped from your throat.

[and that, apparently, makes him smile.

it's an appreciative expression, and it doesn't reach his eyes.]

Yes, it is.

...And what happens to your soul, afterward? I hear that it's different, depending.

The souls of my people go to wait in the Halls of Mandos, where we will face judgement. From there, it is said we will one day be reborn in the Undying Lands.

For the other races, yes, it is different, and I cannot give a full answer.

Yes, it is different for the other races of my homeland as well. As long as they please their gods, their souls will be claimed before they can be drawn into the Abyss.

[and finally, after a short pause, he continues with something that is not another question.]

...My people, however, have been given no such promise by our creator. No one knows what happens to our souls after death. There is no mention of a realm for us to be brought to, anywhere.

It is quietly believed by many, I think, that our souls are dragged right into the endless black of the Abyss, where we are pulled apart into countless pieces for all eternity.

[Finrod falls silent again, absorbing this.]

What do you believe?

[He has his own thoughts already (of course he does. He always does), but that's hardly the point.]

It hardly matters. Because in that moment, you don't feel as if you're about to go to a better place.

[all he felt, at the end, was the cold dread of having nothing good to continue on to.]

[Finrod flinches, as if physically struck, and casts his gaze once again on the floor. But he remains silent because- well, what can he say?]

[yes, that is what he wanted to see. he isn't satisfied until he can watch it sink in; he doesn't feel better until he can see the depth of guilt plainly on the elf's face.

and after he gets what he wants, he smiles.]

Thank you for coming to speak with me about this. Not many have.

[Oh, and the guilt goes plenty deep here.]

It is the least I owe you.

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Never Laugh at Live Dragons

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