Open Action: Fleet Wide

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who isn't fast enough to get away
Broadcast: n/a
Action: Any ship, though he won't venture onto the Three Twins or Tourist still. He will park next to them, now!
When: First half of the month?


[Cole does this thing. He does this thing where he goes everywhere and sticks his large nose into everything and meets people. He hasn't done it for a while, so clearly, it's time again.

The Pathstone comes in next to a ship, docks and then they spend a while there. There's no pattern to which ship it is. But he'll bring them around to your ship eventually.]

Comments

[pompous_today]

[Simon was a bit surprised by the hug and tensed up, but he soon relaxed, found that he actually enjoyed it. He breathed in, breathed out, before speaking aloud the truth they both knew.]

She's gone. And I'm still here. [And there's an unspoken wondering when he's going to leave, to join his sister, at the back of his mind.]

[killedwithlove]

I know.

[Cole's voice is a soft whisper. He can almost feel her, or maybe just the imprint of her, tangled so thoroughly with Simon.]

And you will miss her, but you know she's safe and you will be back like no time passed for her.

[pompous_today]

[Simon closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He knew that Cole was speaking the truth, and he wanted to push away the selfish desire for his sister to be here with him, or for him to go back home with her.]

I'm glad for that... I am. But in the meantime... I don't know what to do. I've always had her to take care of... and now... it feels like there's nothing here for me.

[killedwithlove]

You look after others. She isn't here, but you're a healer, a caregiver, and there are others who need someone to care and help.

[pompous_today]

Mmm... there is that. People will never stop needing my services. [It wasn't the same, and Simon wasn't sure, at the moment, that it would be enough to fill the emptiness. It would feel better in time, though, he hoped.] I guess... I need to talk to more people, too. I don't know people here as well as I should.

[killedwithlove]

Not your services. You. There are people here who will need you, Simon, not just your training and Augment.

[He gives Simon a last squeeze and flickers around to be in front of him.]

People want to know you. You just have to let them. And you couldn't do that with River here.

[pompous_today]

[That- actually snapped Simon out of his funk a little bit, and he watched Cole thoughtfully.]

Me, as a person? Well... I suppose it's true that it was difficult to do that with River around. [He winced, immediately regretting saying that.] Not that I disliked having her around, certainly... I meant to say... [And now he's starting to blather. OK. Stop, breathe, get thoughts in roder.] I just... tend to hold people at a distance. Because I have secrets to protect, to keep safe. Would it be worth it, letting people know me, possibly find out that I am a criminal?

[killedwithlove]

I know what you mean when you say it. River needs you, so you spend a lot of time and energy on her. But she doesn't need you now, so you can be someone else as well.

[Because River wasn't meant to be like a spirit. People weren't meant to be like that. It was exhausting and draining for her.]

I don't understand.

[Because nearly all the people he knows have broken laws, or done things others don't like.]

You'd have friends. Friends are good. Why would breaking some laws matter?

[pompous_today]

[Simon crossed his arms, considering that.]

Do I have a right to do that? To just- just forget about her and move on? I couldn't do that.

[He bowed his head.]

I rescued my sister from people who wanted to do her harm without much of a plan of what to do afterward and made us both wanted fugitives. I took her onto a ship where we lived under constant threat of being left behind if the captain so chose. I didn't have much of a plan to help her, nor the means to do so. What kind of life was that to bring her into?

[killedwithlove]

You don't forget her. You're thinking that you can either be Simon who exists for River or Simon who pretends there is no River. There's lots of space in between.

You become Simon who had River, and misses her, but who doesn't have her needing him now. You don't forget. You just don't cling to her absence.

[Cole tilts his head and rifles through what he experienced and knew and his voice takes on a lighter tone.]

It doesn't matter where we are, so long as I can dance in his orbit. His love make everything better, softer, sharp edges dulled and not cutting.

You saved her. The rest didn't matter. You loved her and saved her.

[pompous_today]

[Simon could fill his eyes welling up; quickly he wiped them on his sleeve.]

I could never forget... even if I wanted to. I love her so, so much... [He had to stop then, getting his emotions under control. Calm down. It's not like she's dead or lost to you forever, he scolded himself.]

I used to be a Simon who loved River, who took care of her and looked after her as an older brother but was still his own person. Then she was taken away, was damaged, and I had to save her, and existed for her. I put aside what I wanted, what I needed, for her sake, as much as I could. I guess... I've forgotten how to be me. That's what I need to find again, isn't it?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't speak. He lets Simon speak, work it out for himself and when he does, he smiles softly and nods.]

Yes. And she would want you to. I know that. And so you do. You'll survive to be a new Simon.

[pompous_today]

She would.

[Simon didn't bother stopping the tears this time, even though he felt a little foolish that this was getting to him so much.]

It's not like I have much of a choice, anyway. What good would I be to anyone if I sat and wallowed and felt sorry for myself, waited to be sent back home?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole moves in a flicker of smoke to perch on the table next to Simon's food and then he reaches and softly wipes a tear track away with calloused fingers.]

You have a choice. But you want to make the right one.

[pompous_today]

[Simon was startled by the sudden change in position, but Cole's touch was definitely welcomed.]

And the right one is to keep going, keep moving. Find the path that will let me discover myself again.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole smiles and nods.]

That would be the best choice for you.

[pompous_today]

[That actually got a bit of a smile out of Simon.]

... thank you, Cole. For being here for me now, and for being there for River while she was here.

[killedwithlove]

I miss her too. Not like you do, but I miss her as well.

[pompous_today]

I imagine so... the two of you probably understood each other very well. It was good for her to be around people who could feel and read people as she can- that's something I could never fully comprehend.

[killedwithlove]

No, you can't, but she was glad of that. You're too kind to survive it.

[pompous_today]

Perhaps so. I don't know how either of you handle it, honestly... but then, you have no choice, either. River's abilities were active from birth, as far as I have been able to discern, so she never knew otherwise.

[killedwithlove]

It's what I am. I don't know anything else. I can't imagine silence like that. Not knowing. Not being able to pluck apart hurts.

[pompous_today]

So we are on opposite ends. In some way, it was hard for me to accept that I couldn't help River with her reading and comprehending everyone... but it's one of the things I've appreciated about being here, too. Back home, she was treated as something to be studied. Or feared.

[killedwithlove]

You couldn't help her like that, but you were there and constant and real and that was more help than anything else could have been. I promise.

[pompous_today]

That helps to hear. Truly, it does. Sometimes I felt like nothing I did... could ever make much of a difference.