driftfleet | ☮ 005. ((voice))

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☮ 005. ((voice))

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Common room
When: A couple of days into the event

[The feed crackles on, and out comes Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" at full volume. Someone found the Marsiva's music collection.]

Oh my god, why did no one tell me Taylor Swift gets good in the future?

[Once the song ends, she'll be playing the rest of the 1989 album. Sorry, Floots.]

[Filtered to the SS Paisley crew, and any other close friends.]

Hey, sound off. You guys all still in one piece?

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[A mixture of the two, really. Plus the added "I don't need to relive that, let's move on" factor.]

I believe you. Really, dude. Like, out of everyone I know here you're probably the person I'd worry the least about getting hurt by.

[....Is that supposed to be a compliment or is she calling him a sissy. Why can't he speak Alexnese?!]

...Thanks?

[He shakes his head]

I believe you, I do- I'm just...not used to people being as calm about it?

[It's a complicated language. But no, she's not calling him a sissy.]

I just don't...

[She shakes her head. She has a weird relationship with deadly threats, and she's not quite ready to examine that with him.]

Like, yeah it was freaky, but I'm not scared of you or anything now. I've known you for literally years and never gotten hurt. It's not like anything's changed.

[She tries to give him an encouraging look, but something's still nagging at her.]

... How did it know that song?

[He was about to smile a little at what she was saying, but then she asks that question- making him remember that]

Ah...

I...I heard it in a dream of yours. Maybe he got it from that.

[So she was right. Fuck.]

Did they try to...?

[Hurt you, she's about to ask, but then she realizes - she'd be apologizing too, if they had. And they aren't even a part of her. Just a part of her memory.]

N-No.

It just was on a television, but your...your body was....on the couch.

[Oh shit. What does she say to that?]

... Oh shit.

[She never imagined that was even a possibility. After all, in every room so far the occupant had been up and talking to her. She figured hers was the same.

What the fuck, Atroma.]

Allen, I'm...

[Sorry? Does that cover it? She can't think of another word to say.]

[...]

...If the 14th attacking you isn't my fault, then you don't need to apologise for me seeing that.

[Sure, he still feels guilty about what happened but- hey. He ain't gonna have a friend feel bad for having their trauma put on display]

Atroma's the one doing this.

And fuck them if they think this is how we need to deal with our deep, dark secrets.

[She tries to say it flippantly, but there's a quiver to her voice.]

I hadn't even told Stef what happened. Not all of it, at least.

[He makes a "tch" sound] You know they're just doing this for ratings. They don't care how we deal with anything.

[fuckers.]

I won't tell anyone what I saw. It's not my past to tell.

[But he pauses, debating if he should say anything. Finally, he just goes with it]

But, well...I...I don't know exactly what kind of relationship you and Stef- [Nope, can't do it] - Stefan have, and I'm not saying you have to talk about it right now, but...

If something bothers you as much as I think that does, keeping it silent from the people you care about most won't help you.

[She shrugs, giving a little smile at his attempted use of the nickname.]

I guess I just feel like most of them have bigger crap in their lives, you know? I'm not about to go whining to them about something that happened a year ago.

You died, Alex. That's a big enough crap to whine about. That's like...the biggest crap there is!

[Like seriously it usually sucks so much people don't bother coming back from it!]

...Look, Arthur died and- he never talked about it after he came back. I know it affected him. It was like...he was a completely different person from the man I knew. But no matter what I tried, he just kept refusing to talk about it because he was too proud or too damn stubborn-

[...]

I loved him. But in the end, it drove us apart. It drove him apart from everyone he cared for.

Don't do that to yourself, Alex. You don't have to talk about it to everyone and I know it's not easy to talk about, but don't let it fester inside you. Because I know it is.

Edited 2015-10-31 04:03 (UTC)

[She lowers her face, hiding it from the screen the best that she can. There are so many thoughts trapped in her throat right now that she can't even begin to form together into words and phrases, and for a long moment she just sits and looks at her lap, listening to Allen's voice grow louder and more emotional. He doesn't want that to happen to her, he doesn't want her to grow bitter and dark and sad - but what if it's too late? What if she just can't be anything else anymore? She wants to hide. She wants to climb under the cot and disappear.]

... I don't know what I'd even say to people. Like, I got my heart ripped out, and all my friends left while I was dead, and sometimes I wish I hadn't woken up? That's a really great icebreaker.

[She turns away from the camera a bit, tucking her knees up to her chest.]

I suck at this.

[And he listens. Just...damn wow. All her friends left too when that happened? He can't imagine how that must've felt to come back and find yourself all alone after going through that.]

You don't suck at this.

It's utter bollocks that you had to go through that. [Just saying it how it is. That's rough buddy]

... Yeah. I guess it is.

[She still can't see how her own experience even compares to what some of her friends have gone through, or are still going through, but she doesn't have enough energy to argue right now. She's just a dumb girl from New York who never had to fight for anything, and she doesn't deserve everyone's sympathy.]

Look, I don't even know how to talk about how messed up I let myself get. Like, I've literally never said this shit out loud. 'Cause when I woke up Rise was the only one left, and I didn't want to make her feel like she wasn't enough, and I don't want anyone here to feel like that either. I'm really glad I lived to meet Stef, and to get to know you. But... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how to be like this, and I wish the castle had just let me go.

[Ugh ugh ughhhh, the tears are definitely there now and she's trying so hard not to let them fall in front of Allen. Where the fuck did all this babbling even come from??]

[There's a pause as he listens to what she says. Allen really isn't one to compare stories to one another if they aren't hurting anyone. A person's pain is a person pain. Just because someone else might have it worse doesn't make your own pain stop. ]

[He wishes this was in person, but there's not much he can do about that]

You're Alex Russo.

You're a wizard from 21st century New York where your family runs a sandwich shop. When you were a teenager, you were brought to a castle named Paradisa, where you had some good times, and some truly terrible times. And now you're the Captain of the SS Paisley in the Drift Fleet.

You like magazines, art, food, terrible movies, pop music and now Taylor Swift. You dated a model named Rise and your best friend is a religious Jordanian-American with a tea addiction. You like both men and women and especially hipbones. One of your favourite pastimes is making up insane stories about America and seeing who'll actually believe it. A lot more people than really should do believe them too.

[A pause before he speaks again]

My Master once said...that a path is something that is created as you walk. The ground you've trodden on hardens, and that forms your path. You're the only person who can form your own path.

Now...I know it's not that simple, there's always things that get your way as you walk. Obstacles, like kidnapping castles and monsters. Sometimes your path goes directions you didn't expect or want, and sometimes your feet get so tired you want to do nothing but lie down and not get up again. And most often, the further you walk, the more different your path can look from when you first started.

But it's still your path, and you're still you- no matter how much you've changed. And even if you're tired, even if sometimes you wish you hadn't woken up...You're still with us. There's something in you that's telling you to keep going down Alex Russo's path.

And...even if only you can make your own path, that doesn't mean you have to walk alone. Because right now....Stefan, Me, Crowley, Max, Clay, everyone else you know in the fleet...

All our paths are right by yours.

[Alex is really quiet for a long time, her face partially hidden in the shadow of her dark room. When she finally turns back towards the screen her cheeks are wet, and she's trying hard to hold her face and voice steady.]

You're such a sap, Walker.

[But she's grateful. Beyond grateful, actually, because Allen not only put up with hearing her snivel about her endless angst and quasi-suicidal thoughts, but he cares. He accepts her and he cares and she can't believe she went so long without making him a bigger part of her life.

She wants to want to be here, and all of these amazing people around her are the reason.]

Thank you.

[He was getting worried when it took her so long to respond. Like maybe he said something truly wrong. But when she speaks up, he'll smile]

Ha- guilty as charged.

[he doesn't mind being a sap that much. He's long learned that holding back feelings just fills you with regrets in the end.]

[And he just gives a small headshake at the thank you]

It's what friends are for.

And I'm gonna tell Stef. Soon.

[Before she changes her mind, she thinks to herself. Before she's tempted to go back to snark and jokes and cover all this back up.]

... I kind of love him.

[There's a very brief pause just out of simple surprise. He knew Stefan and Alex were close, but he hadn't realized they were that close. But it makes sense, really. Even when they tried to hook her up with someone like she asked, her heart hadn't been in it like it was when she talked about Stefan]

Then he's very lucky.

[Her face flushes, just a little bit.]

I'm the lucky one. He still puts up with me.

Nuh-uh, you make sure he lives a little. It's good for him.

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☮ 005. ((voice))

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