gotta get down for a mingle

[redactions]

Who: The crew of the SS Heron and visitors.
Broadcast: nope.
Action: Aboard the SS Heron.
When: After returning to the ship.

[ finally back on the right ship, except the corridors are all mysteriously cold and the ship seems smaller. Thanks, Atroma. New crew, visitors, starters in comments ]

Comments

[redactions]

​[ There's a pause, a soft exhale of breath. There's no manual for bringing someone back from the edge. He's always afraid of the wrong buttons; the pits the Soldier has that are still forming in Jim. ]

Can I touch you?

[reconstitution]

You don't need to ask.

[ He'll never expect it from Jim. His counterpart is one person he tolerates the most in his space. Looks forward to it, even. ]

[redactions]

​​[ Jim lightly cups Winter's cheeks in his hands and presses their foreheads together. Softly, ]

This is real.

​​[ Slowly, his hands drop to the shoulders, the elbows, until they are resting on Winter's wrists, not restraining him. ]

Real. All of it. Real.

[reconstitution]

..It's real, I know. Just--

[ Winter allows himself a moment just to really make sure. Jim's fingers are cold, but it's not quite as jarring as the temperature can be. ]

I didn't like that there were people in my head.

[redactions]

​[ His expression softens. ]

I know buddy, I'm sorry. You can. Put it away, if you like. Look at it later.

[reconstitution]

I don't think they did anything, but it feels--

[ He stops, trying to form an explanation. ]

Like echoes? I guess it doesn't matter. There's enough room in my head, what's one more thing?

[redactions]

Hey.

​[ Look at me. ]

Don't brush it off: what happened. Don't matter how strong you are or how much room you had. It wasn't okay.

[reconstitution]

[ The tone commands him to turn his gaze to meet Jim's, though he does it briefly. ]

I should be used to it by now.

[ It's not a fair comparison by a long shot, but what's done can't be changed. He shakes his head, looking apologetic. ]

Had to be worse for you.

[redactions]

It's not a competition. If you look around, bud, there's always someone who's killed less and suffered more. That doesn't mean what we got doesn't hurt us to have.

[reconstitution]

I guess not.

[ He stays quiet for a few minutes, just resting against Jim. He thinks about keeping his trap shut, but he's curious. ]

Permission to ask a question?

[redactions]

Always.

[reconstitution]

Am I bad at recognizing when someone is trying to help?

[redactions]

​[ Laughter crinkles the corners of his eyes, and he ducks his head, chuckling softly. ]

Sometimes. Something you and I have in common. It's okay. Not everyone helps in obvious ways. Natasha always told me the truth and she never coddled me. It helped. You wouldn't notice unless you were lookin'. Rumlow — they kept trying t'ask me to go bowling, play pool and things like that. That looks like help. It wouldn't've been.

[reconstitution]

[ It only partially answers his question, but this just means he has to look more carefully. Maybe rethink his initial judgement..

Maybe the Atroma were right. They had brought him here, after all. Where would he be, otherwise? ]

Thank you for your honesty.

[redactions]

Always, buddy.

​[ A short pause, and he adds: ]

You wanna come make Aunt Sarah's apple pie with me'n Steve?

[reconstitution]

[ At first, he's more than ready to accept, especially since it would be sharing something from a memory.. But then Steve's name comes up and he instantly becomes conflicted.

He knows he doesn't have to agree just because Jim asked him.. but it's the only way he'd really accept.

Steve makes him feel...unsettled. He manages a head shake, lowering his head. ]

No thank you.

[redactions]

​[ It's the thank you that does it. There's something wrong here, that Winter feels the need to put such distance between them. ]

Are you okay if he visits us?

[reconstitution]

Don't turn him away.

[ Please don't cast away your best friend because I can't get control of myself. Jim needs Steve in much the same way that he needs Peggy. Winter wants Jim to be happy, first and foremost.

He'd like to eventually remember Steve on his own, but not much has knocked itself loose. It frustrates him. It was so easy the first time.. All of it had just clicked. ]

[redactions]

​[ His eyes don't close and his breath doesn't shake but Jim doesn't need either of those indicators to know the Winter Soldier is bleeding for him. ]

What are you afraid of?

[reconstitution]

I'm not afraid.

[ Anxious. Restless. Waiting for the other shoe to drop or something else to happen.

I don't want to be in the way is what he almost says. He knows he very well isn't, logically. ]

[redactions]

Then, what is it?

[reconstitution]

I don't know how to explain it.

[ He leans back against the wall, letting out a frustrated huff. ]

Not thinking clearly. Just ignore me.

[redactions]

No.

​[ It comes out a little petulant, and Jim swallows. ]

We'll give it time, then, okay? No rush.

[reconstitution]

Yessir.

[ It's easier to agree and avoid an argument for later. Give it enough time, and it'll be forgotten. Slowly, his head tips toward Jim's shoulder. ]