And then he has to go be weird again

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole + Anyone willing to come find him on the Pathstone
Broadcast: n/a
Action: Cole's bunk on the Pathstone
When: Now ish?

[Usually, Cole manages a fairly good impression of amicably odd. And, normally, he's a fairly stable person, at the least he's out and about and piloting and generally sticking his nose into people's hurts to help them.

But he's retreated into his heretofore unused bunk for the last day or so. He talks to himself a lot in a whisper and worse, he seems to have wrangled up paint from somewhere, because on the floor outside his bunk, there's painted writing.]

A gold sonnet

[The handwriting is sharp and rushed and unpracticed.]

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[Cole looks at his hands, wipes them on his shirt and the nods slightly.]

You can stay here. It smells a bit funny with the paint, but I can leave the door open to let the air move more.

[He notices where he gaze in drawn.]

That's the Dread Wolf. Defiance and damnation.

[It doesn't look like a wolf. At all. Maybe that space in the black pain could be an eye? And then another eye? And a third below that? Or maybe they're just gaps.]

[princessia]

[ She burrows underneath the sheets and blankets, making a mess of what was once an untouched bunk. Wrapping herself in the blanket, she pulls part of it over her head like a hood. If the paint smell gets too bothersome for her, she can try to block it out by covering herself with the sheets.

No, it doesn't look like a wolf, but she's not going to argue with him about how it should look in a human's eyes. ]

The Dread Wolf? Another creature from Thedas?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole sits on the edge of the bed, looking at his hands, his grubby nails.]

No. Yes. I mean, he's not a creature. He is. From Thedas, of Thedas, more than others are. Maybe more than we are. He is clever and cunning, wise and far seeing, but short sighted. He loves the Fade and spirits, but he's not as fond of mortals.

He is Fen' Harel, Dread Wolf. All new, faded for her.

[princessia]

[ She remains huddled up in the blanket, sitting and staring up at the dark painting. It doesn't make any sense to her, no matter how long she looks at it. ]

Fen'Harel... [ She sounds the name out slowly. ] He doesn't like mortals? Why?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole stares somewhat blankly for a long moment.]

I don't know, exactly. He loves spirits. Mortals often don't treat spirits very well, they don't understand them, so they just lash out at them. I think he finds mortals selfish and he doesn't like it.

Maybe he doesn't like being reminded of the things he doesn't like in himself, and they do that.

[princessia]

[ For a moment, she's thinking of her friend back in Rieze Maxia. Like Milla? No... she complained about humans sometimes, their selfishness, but she didn't dislike them. Humans were Milla Maxwell's "favorite animal".

She tears her eyes away from the wall and flops down on her side on the bed. ]

So he's selfish too, like mortals?

[killedwithlove]

Sometimes.

[He might be in trouble later for saying that, but it's true.]

Sometimes he's impatient, or judges too fast. But he isn't bad. Some elves think he is, but isn't. He is who he is. He's proud.

Pride.

[He hugs his knees to his chest.]

All new, faded for her.

[princessia]

[ She's not sure what that phrase means or if even asking about it would clarify it any further. She looks up at him, while lying on her side and cuddling her doll beneath the blanket. ]

Are you friends with Fen'Harel, Cole? Is that why you drew him?

[killedwithlove]

[The often with trying to get Cole to explain if that most of the time, what's he's said is the explanation.]

I don't know if anyone knows Fen'Harel. I don't know if we're friends. When he was sleeping, dreaming, deep and dark, maybe we were. I don't know.

[princessia]

Oh...

[ Strange and confusing as usual, she might stop asking questions about Fen'Harel for now. She eyes the paint marks on him now... ]

Are you done painting? You should wash up...

[killedwithlove]

[Cole makes a face. He didn't want to break confidences. He didn't know how to explain.]

I'm sorry. That I'm not normal, like you, or Jove.

[princessia]

Huh?

[ She feels like she upset him. She pulls the blanket over her head more, shrinking back inside in it. ]

I don't understand why you're apologizing.

[killedwithlove]

[That hurts him, that she draws away from him.]

Because... I'm not normal. I know that. And you deserve that family, that lives in your heart, burns, bursts, brightly guides. But I don't know family, not good family, I can't be the sort of person your heart wants, deserves, because I'm not a person like other people.

[The words don't make sense, don't say what he wants.

Solas would've made it make sense. Solas is gone and so is Dorian and so is Cullen. Varric doesn't know him, didn't press Bianca's heavy weight into his hands and show him how to fire her.]

I can't explain things. I don't know how. I can't explain how to breathe either.

[princessia]

But I want you to be family too.

[ Despite his reasoning. The words are blurted out, her voice going near into a whine. Being with Cullen helped shaped her understanding of what a "good family" should be like. She's not going to reject Cole for not knowing the same. ]

You... don't have to be like us. It's fine if you can't explain everything either.

[killedwithlove]

[He doesn't know how to be family. As a son, he killed his father. As a brother, he killed his sister. As his mother's child, he hadn't saved her.]

Cole killed his family. And spirits don't have family, not really.

[Did a sleeping wolf ever watch over him? He doesn't know. He'll never get a chance to ask.]

I want... better. For you. I think.

[He starts picking at the paint drying on his hands.]

[princessia]

He... what?

[ She says in a whisper, then shakes her head. She knew they died, but hearing that Cole killed his family comes to her as a brief shock. Yet she has grown far too attached to this Cole, she quickly brushes the unnerving thoughts aside. She doesn't want to dwell on it. ]

No. This... this is good. I want you with me.

[ The only way she thinks it can be better, is if she can have Cullen back in her life. His disappearance is still far too recent and she hasn't been able to stop thinking about how much she wants her father back. ]

[killedwithlove]

He killed them. He didn't mean to kill Bunny. He did mean to kill his father.

[The baby sister he mistook Elize for.

He looks at her, a spark of hope in his gaze.]

You... do?

[princessia]

[ A quiet nod in response. She does.

The other Cole killed his family, in the past. This one once called her Bunny by mistake, but she doesn't think it was intentional. This one is different. She firmly believes he wouldn't hurt her, so she isn't scared.

This Cole spent time with her, drew with her, and made sure she stayed out of trouble. She was upset being unable to accompany him on the desert planet, but he protected her. He told her about spirits of virtue, the animals, the Inquisition, Rhys, Evangeline, Wynne... a lot about Thedas. It's true some of his words were difficult to understand at times, but the bits and pieces that she can understand and remember, she loved hearing about it. Sometimes she would parrot the information to Cullen and other people to show off what she learned.

She would hate for him to leave her too.

Elize crawls a short ways across the bunk to sit closer to him, with the hood she made from the blanket slipping off her head to let out her fluffy hair. She doesn't mind the paint. ]

[killedwithlove]

[If Cole knows what goes through her head, he doesn't show it. He sits and waits while she thinks and sorts out how she feels, especially about what he's just said.

And then she's crawling over to him. He blinks but shuffles back to give her space to crawl into his lap, blanket and all. He even helps by half pulling her there, but she can always draw away, Cole is never rough.]

[princessia]

[ Elize doesn't draw away. She allows him to help her sit in his lap, all bundled up in her blanket. Sitting here makes her feel like an even younger child, but she honestly feels comfort sitting close to him like this.

She would hate for him to leave her, but she knows in this place, he'll go away someday too. Or maybe it will be her first. ]

...I'll never forget you, Cole.

[killedwithlove]

[She will. Everyone forgets him, eventually, if not because of his innate ability, because time will soften the memory and another Cole, Jove's Cole, will be the one she knows.

But he hugs her anyway, firmly. Leans his chin on her head.]

I won't forget you, either.

[princessia]

[ Elize doesn't say anything else, trying to relax and doze off in the comfort of his hug. From under her blanket, she slips a hand out to place it on one of the arms around her. She's quiet now, but still thinking.

I'll miss you. ]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole starts up a slow rocking motion and hums a soft tune under his breath, like he has with her before.

He'll sit there all night if she needs him to. There's nothing else more important than Elize.]