driftfleet | /takes the huntress out back and buries it (jan mingle pt. II)

[ the fire in his palm flickers, with the sudden surge of uncertainty and relief, and zuko dissipates with it by closing his fist, smoke escaping through his fingers. ]

So?

[ finally, as calm as can be. ]

What color is it?

[ There's a pause following Sasuke's own words that he accepts as Zuko's need for self-reflection, a silence that's both weighty and comfortable on sets of shoulders that are accustomed to heavy burdens and minds generally kept in a state of constant self-assessment. His eyes lower, then, briefly back to red as he watches a jolt of carefully generated electricity arc over his own palm.

He's too used to using his left, but it doesn't make a difference in the color of his own chakra and the nature it carries with it, fist closing immediately to extinguish that little spark when Zuko speaks. He looks up, brow momentarily furrowed like he didn't at first register the question before he repeats the sounds in his own mind. ]

[ He doesn't even seem to notice that their actions have mirrored one another's. ]

Slate blue, but it doesn't appear cold. It's got a brightness to it that shows it's rooted in something strong. Something tempered. [ The visual impact of it is impossible to miss, though he's not as skilled as a sensor type in picking out the subtleties. ]

[ there's a silence as he considers that -- rooted in something strong, tempered, all good things, all things zuko has fought tooth and nail to achieve. but the color throws him off.

bright blue.

zuko stares a bit blankly before a short laugh escapes -- it's sudden, and he doesn't necessarily expect it himself, and it has no real mirth in it. just a surprise exhalation of laughter, and zuko settles himself a bit more fully against the wall, resting his head back against it. ]

Figures.

[ it's said underneath his breath, but he looks a lot more at ease, now.

even in another universe, azula still chases at his heels. ]

[ That's twice now that he's heard him laugh but this one is nothing like the first, ignorant of any possible significance that just a color could have for him. Someone'll always be at your heels if you think about them enough to find connections anywhere you can. ]

Everyone has their own unique kind of energy, but it can change through strong events or prolonged emotions.

Just wanting to do good isn't enough to see that kind of change. [ The implication there being that Zuko's actually taken enough steps down the correct path that it's shown itself. ]

[ it's a massive relief, and comfort, even if zuko already knew, deep down, he was good. or, at least, on the way there. there's no way to atone for all of his crimes so quickly, but the support and strength of his friends helps.

when zuko arrived here, and was put on a different ship, they had immediately told him to transfer. no questions asked, no option granted. and that feeling of security, that strength, allows him to build upon a new foundation. so of course there's a change -- zuko has allowed light and love into his life, instead of darkness and anger.

there are still bad days, of course, and zuko is certain there always will be. but overall, he's fairly happy. ]

... I lost my abilities, once.

[ he says, and he allows his ball of fire to return, though he tosses it to the other hand. kind of like a baseball, and lets it hover there for a moment. ]

I had allowed myself to get so lost that I forgot why I fought, and once I removed that anger from my life, my abilities left with it. I had to fight to get them back, and relearn how to live without it.

[ it's times like these that zuko misses aang, terribly. it's like a hole that's not quite filled. ]

So I'm glad to hear that it's... better. I don't think I would still be able to firebend if I hadn't changed.

[ anger is fleeting, unpredictable, messy. azula and ozai can bend in hatred because their hatred is focused, pure, unabashed. but all anger is unpredictable, in the end. and it has weaknesses. ]

[ Sasuke's never had the same problem with his anger, never feeling it weaken because it's rooted in the core of his being like a deep-set disease. (When your family legacy is literally a curse of hatred that's hard to get around.) His problem has always been where to direct it, and when Zuko says he 'forgot why he fought' Sasuke has to fight a visible reaction.

He empathizes with it so strongly, having lost sight of his goal not just once but at at least three or four major junctions in his life. Each time had been agonizing and one in particular had left him weak and apathetic, essentially stripped of his own 'fire'.

His mouth opens like he wants to speak and share the experience, but he doesn't manage any words. Not yet. He's probably said too much as it is, and his own form of 'therapy' has always consisted of a heavy reliance on himself and no one else. ]

What became your new source?

{ it requires some thought, and zuko rests his head against the wall, considering it carefully. it's a deeply personal question, but sasuke has already apparently deduced that he's made great strides by examining his life blood. he may as well keep going. ]

My new family. My own expectations.

[ pretty simple stuff, but all things he hadn't had until very recently. ]

[ 'New family'. It adds a tension to his body language but he doesn't address it. ]

Expectations for yourself or expectations for your world? [ He imagines it's both; expecting more from the world leads to enacting change. ]

[ that, zuko notices. he's trained to watch how people move, how people react. firebending is so much movement and control and precision that a sudden tension is easy to pick up.

but he doesn't comment on it, instead shrugging. ]

The expectations for my world can't be completed without me.

[ so. both. ]

As leader of a nation that's probably expected. [ He tries to imagine Zuko in an authoritative position, giving speeches and inspiring confidence.

It isn't working. Then again, he doesn't know him too well yet. ]

[ it's okay zuko doesn't have a lot of faith in himself either ]

Our world needs structure.

[ and a bunch of kids have to be the ones to guide it ]

So if I don't fulfill my expectations for myself, I can't fulfill my expectations for my country, or my world. The Fire Nation can't rebuild itself on the back of a leader that doesn't know his or her own strengths and weaknesses.

[ he shrugs slightly ]

So I had to figure it out.

[ the hard way. but. he's fine, now. mostly. ]

I don't disagree. [ But in his mind it's a struggle that belongs firmly behind closed doors; Naruto's the kind of person who wants to lead openly and honestly, with a lot of his faults on display to give him a greater sense of closeness to the villagers whose trust he's earned.

Sasuke's ready to count the days until that starts to become impractical, much more personally aware of how many secrets the hokage had really kept. ]

After a great conflict that's truer than ever. You'll have an extremely hard test ahead of you, especially if you have those who associate you with your father and loyalists who think you betrayed his agenda. [ Reminders of how hard your life sucks, delivered by Captain Sensitivity. ]

[ gee thanks sasuke he loves you too bruh ]

I don't think anyone will associate me with him.

[ ozai had made it pretty clear, repeatedly and publicly, how much he hated his son. ]

But there will probably be people who wanted him to stay.

[ citizens who felt safe, underneath ozai. who don't trust the avatar. who bought the lie ozai was selling. ]

You'll have to decide on your own policy in dealing with them, then, whether you want to be merciful and accommodating or... [ Or do what Sasuke would do and try to root out potential for rebellion before it can flourish. No wonder no one took his bid for hokage seriously. ]

Well, I'm sure you've thought about it.

I'm not killing people for having a different opinion.

[ flatly. that was what ozai did, and that is exactly why ozai is no longer the fire lord. he put everything out of balance, and the avatar defeated him.

zuko may have been the only person in the royal family (outside of iroh, of course) to see what the fire nation was for what it truly was, but he has no intention of falling back on old habits. ]

I'm not going to rule out of fear. The kingdom would fall apart.

I'm not advocating murder. [ His tone breaches on testy but he pulls it back, again absently toying with an electric charge down his arm and over his hand. ]

I was just interested in what your style of ruling would be. There's a difference between firm and cruel.

[ his eyes flicker to watch the electricity (expression flickering briefly between wary and almost a little envious) before refocusing his attention on sasuke's words. ]

People need to trust in my leadership, and in the Avatar.

[ but that won't come so easily. ]

The war lasted for a hundred years, and the Fire Nation is used to comfort at the expense of pain. But the people were afraid of my father, and his crimes are finally out in the open for the world to see. There'll be some who won't believe in the new vision, but most already do.

I won't use my new power to squash out other opinions, but I won't tolerate people harming other people. Firebending isn't supposed to be used for destruction, and I won't allow it to be used that way just because people are unhappy with a regime change.

[ though, zuko expects most of these people will be coming for his head, and he's confident in his ability to stay alive thusfar. ]

[ He looks back up suddenly, eyes meeting Zuko's. They're back to their normally dark shade, but that doesn't make the stare any less penetrating. ]

They're good thoughts.

I'm not saying any of this because I'm trying to make you question yourself. It's more that a difficult situation like that one will make it easy to slip backwards if you haven't drawn a firm line for yourself, whether you have the help of others or not. Solid theories don't always translate well into reality.

The only alternative is becoming my father.

[ he stares back, unflinching. ]

If I cross that line, I may as well just give the throne back.

[ ozai is much better at being a monster than he is. but zuko is much more stubborn than ozai. he won. ozai lost. zuko has no intention of returning back to how it was before. ]

You're right. [ Which is exactly why he's saying it. Whether it's just him projecting or not, he has some strange desire to ensure that that won't be Zuko's path, and reminding him of the stakes and seeing his reaction makes him feel more and more that it won't be. ]

Then you'd have accomplished nothing and your existence would've been nothing if not a detriment.

I know I'm right; that's why I said it.

[ tartly.

zuko has a permanent reminder of how much of a psychopath his father is. he has absolutely no intention of becoming that person, or harming his (potential?) children the way that ozai ruined him. and azula. ]

We can't maintain a conversation if I don't offer my opinion on your words, unless you want me to ignore the topic and pick a new one.

If I derailed from something important to you so suddenly then you'd probably internalize it a little, find it offensive that I was dismissive after dragging you into an honest conversation, and then think about it later. I was sparing you that. [ Yeah. They're similar. ]

[ well when you put it that way ]

[ . . . sigh. ]

My father took the throne from his older brother, my uncle. He's responsible for the disappearance of my mother, and my sister is locked away because she's not safe left to her own devices. He tried to strip me from my birthright for speaking out of turn at a meeting, because I didn't want to send our soldiers to certain death as a diversion during a battle.

[ which is, clearly, what happened to his face. ]

I have no intention of becoming as much of a coward as someone who decides to challenge a thirteen year old to a fight to the death, because of injured pride and a need to prove himself. That isn't who I am, and that isn't the legacy I'm going to leave my family with. I'll abdicate the throne to someone else before I allow that to happen.

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eyeforaneye - 2016-01-21 05:47 (UTC) - Expand

/takes the huntress out back and buries it (jan mingle pt. II)

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