/takes the huntress out back and buries it (jan mingle pt. II)

[scrubscrub]

Who: Anyone on the SS Huntress! Crew and visitors.
Broadcast: N/A
Action: SS Huntress
When: More of January! We got three new crew mates and it will be messy.

IT'S ANOTHER MINGLE FOR OUR EVER-EXPANDING SHIP.

Also, we need an update on how well Koala is doing at pinball.

God, help this ship.

Comments

[beardstrokes]

[ Hm. He strokes his beard. ]

That depends on how much time I have. I would ask the Council for their input, but if time is short, I would act on my own terms.

[eyeforaneye]

... do you have any regrets?

[beardstrokes]

At times. But I try not to hold onto them.

[ To hold onto regrets is not the Jedi way. It's easier said than done, but Obi-Wan has managed so far. ]

[eyeforaneye]

How incredibly convenient, you can duck around blame all you like with that kind of philosophy. [ A pause. ]

But that's a way of thinking that focuses on the self. If you see yourself as a tool or part of a collective whole then you don't have the time for unproductive guilt, I suppose.

[ Sasuke has time for his guilt, always, but he's also trying to move towards an existence that focuses on utility instead of feeling. It's a hard line to walk. ]

[beardstrokes]

You're confusing guilt for responsibility. I take the responsibility, but the guilt means that I'm thinking about myself, not on the situation. It's a cheap way of self-flagellation.

When people get hurt or die and I spend that time feeling guilty for myself, I reduce those people into nothing more than pawns for my feelings.

People deserve better than that.

[eyeforaneye]

I agree, but avoiding any internal expression of remorse has a similar effect.

You're reducing human lives to a chance to sweep back your emotions and in doing so there's a lack of touch with humanity itself. If you can't respect that emotions are also part of being human, how can you respect the humans that have been hurt as a result of your actions? You aren't above them.

Don't you think you deserve to suffer?

[beardstrokes]

[ Firmly. ]

Remorse is not guilt. Sadness is not guilt.

[ If he blamed himself for what happened to Qui-Gon, Adi, Satine . . . those many important people who died because they supported him, believed in him, he would take away who those people were. And they were important in their own right. Obi-Wan did not lose them, though the loss is there. They deserve better than a pedestal in Obi-Wan's remorse. ]

What I deserve is not for me or anyone else to say. It is important to feel, but it is also important to let go.

You speak of reducing human lives, but you're only thinking of yourself so far. Your guilt, your actions, your self-esteem. You have not spoken of a single other person.

[eyeforaneye]

They aren't the same, no, because one includes blame on the head of a person that actually committed the action. I agree that there are times when any of them can be unproductive, but it feels wrong to entirely strike one from consideration.

As for speaking about myself... My goal right now is to understand my own path. It necessitates self-reflection even if I'd prefer that it didn't.

[beardstrokes]

You won't get very far by simply focusing on yourself. Especially when listening to other people could offer the views you need to find your own path. Isn't that why you're questioning me to begin with?

Perhaps. But as a Jedi, it is not something I am meant to do.

[ Whether it is a luxury or wrong, Obi-Wan isn't willing to say. And if Sasuke thinks he's inhuman, well . . . he's not the first. ]

[eyeforaneye]

Yes, that's why.

[ They've certainly come far enough in this conversation that he can be honest about that, anyway. ]

I want to benefit my world, but first I want to ensure that my actions are the correct ones. It's too easy to get lost in self-approval just because you're moving forward without taking the time to be sure that that direction is the right one.

It involves answering difficult questions, so I wanted to see how you did at it.

[beardstrokes]

[ He chuckles, though his heart is not into it. ]

I have ample experience in that area. If it's information, I can provide it. Guidance, support . . . it is what we do. But we do not choose for others. Self-determination is key.

[eyeforaneye]

So your advice is for me to question myself and individually determine my own path, but not to focus on myself?

[ Solid advice, but confusing as hell. ]

[beardstrokes]

Well. Too much focus leads to self-doubt, guilt . . . some of the problems you're already aware of.

Your path will always intersect with the paths of others. Use that to your advantage and the answers you want will come to you.

[eyeforaneye]

[ ugggh but I hate people, damn it, Obi-Wan ]

... is this normally how your first conversations with people go?

[beardstrokes]

[ Grow up. ]

I can assure you, this is not even the oddest first conversation I have ever had. But it does come close.

[eyeforaneye]

[ Check back in ten years. ]

What a consolation. I'll think your advice over.

[beardstrokes]

Of course. Take your time.

[ You'll probably need it. ]

[eyeforaneye]

[ One positive step per four hundred chapters, that's my motto.

All the same it'll be easier after he's actually finally gotten some sleep, something that seems to be eluding him here, and he raises that knife again just as a gesture of acknowledgement -- a wordless thank you? -- before he's heading back out of the room. ]

[beardstrokes]

[ He nods lightly, in acknowledgement. ]