.oo1 / video + action

[heavenonearth]

Who: Castiel (the cool one),
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: The Marsiva
When: January 20th, late morning.

[ waking up confused isn't necessarily anything particularly new for castiel, but generally speaking in that case he's usually hungover, and when the fog clears he's in his bed, somewhere safe and familiar, not somewhere, well - like this. immediately he's alert and awake, feeling under his pillow for a knife that isn't there, sharp, instinctual panic burgeoning in his gut, but he controls it. you better bet he's got no idea he's being watched, too.

it's peaceful. this place reminds him of heaven, with its clean, sleek design and cool, quiet atmosphere, but he doesn't trust it any more than he trusts heaven. tense and wary, one hand flies immediately to his throat, then he's pulling it back to look at is as if he's expecting to see something there, but it's clean, and when he tugs up his shirt there's no blood there either, no bullet holes, no gaping wounds, only the same old scars. castiel stands, runs both hands through his unkempt hair, and eases in a steadying breath. he's a rangy looking thing, with a lean, hungry look about him, overgrown scruff and hair but hey - at least he's clean. cleaner than he's been in a long while. and someone did him the service of mending the long worn holes in his jeans and canvas jacket so that's.. nice. i guess.

all right, inventory first. his knife and handgun are both missing, naturally, but that doesn't mean he has to be happy about it. sitting again on the edge of his bunk, in his pockets he finds a mostly full pack of cigarettes with two joints stuffed in with them, a blue plastic bic lighter, a half bottle of pills, a two month old supply list, creased and folded, and a bottlecap. not too much of use when it comes to keeping yourself alive. exhaling in a puff of air, he stuffs it all back into his pockets, even the list and the bottlecap, and gets to his feet again. might as well pick around, right?

and by pick around i mean find the cafeteria almost instantly and gawp in awe at all of the food. ]

.. you're kidding me.

[ when you live in a world where things like toilet paper are scarce treasures, you really learn to appreciate food. there is zero hesitation before cas is all but diving at it like a man starved, picking at everything indiscriminately, eating and drinking and eating some more. he doesn't sit, only hovers near the counters like a buzzard over roadkill, and you'd better bet he's filling his pockets, too, with everything and anything he can fit.

all right, so maybe this isn't so bad. he should probably be wary of the food and all, but it's far too late for that. feel free to stumble across him/interrupt him at any point, he has no idea he's on candid camera. ]

Comments

[ofthursday]

[Even if they weren't the same person Castiel is good enough at reading expressions by this point that it isn't difficult to see Cas' shock in return, and he gives a small shrug of one shoulder--a gesture he picked up in Adstringendum--in response to the condolences.]

Thank you.

[He wants to say that it was his own fault anyway for being stupid, that he's screwed up so much, that he didn't listen to Naomi the one time she was actually telling the truth and didn't see through Metatron's act, but there's too much to go into there. And the sentiment is appreciated, regardless of whether it's deserved.

He does shake his head at the last comment though, then tilts it slightly to the side.]

You seem to have been through just as much.

[He's having a difficult time telling--without reaching out with his grace and prying, anyway--whether Cas' grace is gone or just incredibly dimmed, but whichever it is it can't be for a good reason that he's so human. Whatever story he has must not be pleasant either.

Castiel wonders, briefly, whether any version of himself--in any timeline--ever has things go well.]

[heavenonearth]

[ there's plenty left unsaid, he knows, much and more that castiel isn't telling him, and it sticks at his skin like needles pricking and pushing. it's impossible not to be curious, not to want to know every detail, every thing that castiel has seen, all things considered. it's that feeling when you've lost your train of thought and can't get it back - except these memories aren't really his at all to have lost in the first place. not really.

but he won't push. it's something they'll talk about at some point, he's sure, but right now castiel isn't offering it, so cas isn't going to pry, even if it's eating him up. when castiel shifts it right back, he can't help the breathless laugh, or the way he moves a hand back through his unkempt hair almost nervously. ]

Ah.. well. It hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows.

[ to put it mildly. cas's eyes drop, dark, quiet shame churning in his belly. how is he even supposed to admit to himself how terribly he's failed? ]

Guess it doesn't much matter, now, considering I'm here.

[ofthursday]

[Castiel is quiet at that response, but after a moment he nods once decidedly.]

It doesn't. In these places, what occurred before matters less.

[For better or for worse.]

When I left the last world I found myself in, it was by choice. I was able to choose where to travel to next, and that is likely possible here as well.

[Which means opportunities they might never otherwise have.]

[heavenonearth]

[ opportunities indeed. it's enough to have cas falling silent and thoughtful for a moment. he's got no idea whether or not castiel is trying to insinuate that he could find a better future than the past he'd come from, but that's where his mind is going anyway.

and that's.. well, that's complicated for several reasons that he's really not up for getting into right now. he shrugs, listlessly. ]

How long'd it take you to find your way out of there? From what I hear, some people were there for years. Might be we're in for a long stay here, too.

[ofthursday]

It did take years. However, there were many forces working against us.

[It hadn't been an easy process in the slightest, and he isn't about to assume it would be easy here either. But it's possible, and that's the important thing.]

And there are far worse places we could be, for however long it takes.

[He's sure Cas knows that.]

[heavenonearth]

[ he knows that, for sure. this place - he's sure it has its secrets, that all this nice cushy living doesn't come without its price, but it's a hell of a lot better than where he came from, and it's not as if he's able to go back, either, so.

space it is. ]

Fair enough. [ cas inhales deep, releasing it in a heavy sigh, both arms crossing loosely over his abdomen. ] You and me, we're going to have to have a sit down soon enough, I think. Hash a few things out.

[ because you'd better bet he's got questions. tons of them. and castiel, he's sure, has plenty of his own. but right now? maybe right now isn't the time. he cocks a brow, anyway. ]

But, uh, congrats on the upgrade. [ you fancy seraph you. ] You must've really impressed Him, huh.

[ofthursday]

Yes. Once we are more certain of our situation.

[Then they can trade stories, as long and difficult as they might be to tell. But this isn't the time yet, as where they are and why are more pressing problems.

His thoughts are already shifting back toward that issue when Cas makes his comment, and it gives Castiel pause for a moment before he figures out what it's in regards to. He's silent, then, for several more seconds.]

I'm not certain I would draw the same conclusion now, although I did at the time.

[His 'upgrade' had definitely made him feel like their Father had been at least supportive of him, but considering how badly things had gone afterward Castiel isn't anywhere near as sure. He still feels being brought back might be a punishment rather than a reward.]

But regardless of the reason for it, it is useful.

[The extra power definitely hasn't hurt, especially when he is disconnected from Heaven.]

[heavenonearth]

[ cas cocks a brow thoughtfully, though he doesn't argue. he's the last angel around, except maybe, you know, lucifer, who would hop up to defend god, after all. god didn't do jack for him. cas gave everything, sacrificed everything, to follow his heart and protect humanity, god's favorites, and what did he do?

he abandoned them. abandoned him, and all the billions of humans who have suffered, who have died, all the families torn apart, all the pain.. he didn't lift a damn finger. so sure. he'll definitely buy into the whole punishment thing. ]

.. yeah, and fair enough.

[ to keep from feeling too bitter about the entire thing, cas forces on an easy grin, and reaches to clap castiel's shoulder amicably. he's, uh, picked up a few habits from dean. ]

Anyway, that extra juice will come in handy, yeah. Too bad you can't share the wealth, but uh, I'll do what I can.

[ even if it's, you know, not nearly so much as castiel can do. shutup, he's not feeling inferior at all. ]

We'll figure it out.

[ or we'll all die, or something. ]

[ofthursday]

[Castiel is a bit more used to physical contact and affection by this point, so while the pat on the shoulder is unexpected it's not unwelcome. He doesn't offer a gesture of his own in return, but does give a faint smile.]

We will.

[And there's a brief pause before he decides to add something.]

Power is not ultimately of most import. We can accomplish a great deal without it.

[He had been human for almost two years, all together. It was a hard lesson to learn--to not feel useless because he was without his grace--but it was incredibly important. That said...]

Although it does make some things easier.

[heavenonearth]

[ well, castiel isn't wrong. cas has a great deal of respect for human beings, after all, and sam and dean have always managed amazing things without any sort of power or grace or anything of the sort.

but not having his grace - it's not really all about the power. sure, it's damned handy, and every time he hurts himself and can't heal it, every time he's bone weary and has to sleep when there's work to be done, it's a hell of a pain in the ass. but that grace, being an angel, it's who he is. it's his identity. being without it feels like losing a limb, or losing a sense. he can manage, but it's always going to feel like an injury, like he's missing a part of himself forever.

complaining about it isn't going to get him anywhere, though, so he doesn't need to give voice to any of that. besides, it's not like castiel wouldn't likely understand it anyway, without him having to say as much. so he just rakes a hand through his unruly hair, rubbing at the back of his neck. ]

Sure does. But hey, you know where to find me if you need me. I'll keep my eyes and ears open.

[ofthursday]

Yes. We should keep in contact as we discover more about this place and situation.

[Two Castiels are better than one, if not more easily distracted. But if they can work together they can surely get a good handle on what's going on and how to proceed, likely more successfully and quickly than if either of them were alone.]

I have to message Sam, but I will be here on the Marsiva until we are transferred to other ships.

[So he'll be around.]

[heavenonearth]

[ it's a good enough dismissal for him. there'll be more time, better time later to.. talk about everything they no doubt want to discuss, but right now they've got more than enough to digest with all this fleet nonsense going on, and - well, everything cas has to think about on his own. ]

You got it.

[ an easy clap on the shoulder, and he's brushing past castiel, back toward the main body of the hospitality deck. ]

Keep in touch. Don't get into any trouble.