mk.02 (video)

[paraclete]

Who: Kaworu Nagisa, and anyone else.
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: In the laundry facilities of the Heron.
When: The evening of 2/13.

[When Kaworu's video feed flips on, it looks like it's got a slight vibration to it. If you look closely, you might be able to tell why: he's sitting on top of a washing machine. He looks pretty content with things right now; the washer must be a comfortable perch, and he a pleasant bird, or a kid on a particularly shitty carousel. He's wearing one of the provided utility jumpers, in beige. The color frankly looks terrible with his natural palette, but he's content with that, too.]

Hi. [With that alongside his smile, he's off to a great start!] I initially arrived on the Marsiva a few weeks ago. It was an unexpected thing, but I've been thinking it must have been for the best. But, while I've been here with this fleet, I've also been able to talk to some of you. It's nice. Now, though, I have some questions of my own. I hope you'll answer, and we can get to know each other. [God, but he's earnest, huh? He doesn't really seem like the type of person to feel shame or social anxiety. Or, really, any sort of anxiety at all. That's not exactly true, but his composure is the stuff of legends.]

So, I'd heard that Valentine's Day is almost upon us. I'd explain for those who are still unaware, but I'm really one of the uninitiated myself. The holiday was an observable part of several cultures in the world I came from, but I hadn't had any experience with it personally. What I do know about it is that it's a day intended to celebrate love. [If he was pleased before, he's outright glad right now, perking up even further.] I really like that. That's mostly what I wanted to ask about: I'd be happy if someone could tell me more about the day and what all it entails. Love, I think, is one of the most wonderful things to be celebrated, and from what I understand, an individual is also meant to revel in the person they love on this day. I want to know what's expected of me for the person who is closest to my heart.

But I understand that there are those of you who don't celebrate the holiday, or who have never even encountered it. In that case, I'd like to know about your customs, as well. I want to learn about other days dedicated to the pursuit of love, and the actions a person may take in order to ensure that their lover knows they are loved. What's your favorite way to convey your love? What's your favorite way to relish in the feeling? Will you tell me?

[He's got the face of a teenager, so maybe he's just hormone-addled or something like that, but with his tepid voice and the calm of his eyes, it could be... that he's really... really serious about all this. Maybe a little too serious. Finally, he says,] Thanks for your time. [He means that just as much.]


[And, Heron, he's playing hooky from the Vanquish again. If you find him sitting atop the little washing machine, please don't be too angry at him for hogging it; he's doing laundry for two. At any rate, he's still treating the Heron like it's his home away from home. You've probably seen him around a little too much. He doesn't crowd the Heron's bunks, at least — he can never be found sleeping. He's just ever-present.]

Comments

[paraclete]

[In this moment, despite their heated bites at each other before, Kaworu pities her. Or it could be that he sympathizes with her. Just from that glimpse of her face, he can tell that Shinji probably said something to her, too. It's a pretty bad feeling. So he takes mercy on her, and switches to voice himself. He wouldn't want to see himself, either.]

You don't have to talk to me right now. But it's going to need to happen at some point, if we're both going to stay with him. It's not for your sake or for my sake. I don't care about either of those things. It's...

You know what it's for.

[interstices]

You don't care about anything but him.

[Flatly. Dully. She clears her throat several times in succession. She feels like a wretched animal that hasn't even gotten the dignity of licking its wounds in private. No, the victor has to gloat.]

[Except Nagisa isn't gloating, and she knows it.]

That's why he's all over you. You can have him, all right? Go away.

private.

[paraclete]

Shikinami-san... [He says her name so tenderly, like a mother cradling her child in a frightening night. There, there. It's going to be all right.

Then he sets the function of their conversation to private. All that sweetness drops out of his voice like frost killing flowers.]

If you abandon him for your own comfort, you're the lowest of the low. But you already know that, don't you?

Do what you want. I'll do what I have to.

[interstices]

[There's several crashing sounds in succession. Asuka's picked up a chair, slamming it into the floor over and over again until it breaks in her hands. For a second, she considers even breaking the communication device, but no. That would prove he'd won.]

The hell do you care?! You want him all to yourself! Just so you can be the only one protecting him! Just so you can feel superior!

[paraclete]

[Shinji said, You're giving her exactly what she wants.]

Do you want to be the victim here that badly?

[He's perfectly calm, yes. He doesn't raise his voice or fluster. In fact, he hardly seems bothered at all, as though he just doesn't care enough to get worked up about her.]

[interstices]

Shut up!

[This is really him. It's got to be. None of that nicey-nice, polite, pillow-carrying teenage boy. No, this is the kind of creature she's really been up against, someone that could hurt her every bit as badly as she hurt him. Shinji, damn him, has never been able to see past a friendly facade. He's just that pathetic. But she knows better. Without even a shudder, Asuka breaks a splintered chair leg over a counter, the sound jarring and totally unsatisfactory to her own ears.]

You'd like me to abandon him! You'd like him to have no one else but you! You don't want him to grow up at all!

[paraclete]

[It's shameful how angry this makes him. She's barely a woman, too stuck in her youth, and she's flailing in a tantrum, trying her best to dig into him like a nail through the wrist. Unfortunately, it's working, nails and all. He feels close to crucified. How dare she accuse him of wanting anything but the best for Shinji.]

Don't you get tired of not knowing what it is you're saying?

[interstices]

I know exactly what I'm saying!

[And it's hurting him, isn't it? Maybe he won't ever devolve into screaming back at her, but as long as she's causing him injury, that's all right. Another chair leg gets pounded against the counter before she finally stops, disgusted to find the whole effort's taken almost no energy out of her.]

You're jealous, too! You're jealous that anyone else could care about him!

[paraclete]

[The pause Kaworu gives here is of a great length. He listens to her thrashing and her fury and her loud defense mechanisms, this time without interjecting cruelly. Yeah, it's hurting him. But if things continue this way, there's going to be a more important casualty than either of them. And besides...]

Do you really think I want him to end up like you and me? [he asks quietly.]

[interstices]

[Asuka's head snaps up unseen. The tantrum might not be over yet, but the collateral damage probably is. She's only slightly less loud than before when she replies.]

What are you talking about?

[paraclete]

You're saying that I don't want him to grow up. That I want him to be needy. You make it sound like I want to encourage his agony for my own benefit.

[That should sound at least a little familiar. Kaworu isn't exactly gentle, but his words boast fewer icicles. In fact, his inflection really is soft when he says,] I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[interstices]

No. I want him to get better. You don't. You enable him all the time.

[A pause, hesitant, not quite as angry as before.]

Look. When he first got on the Marsiva, I had to feed him. He couldn't hold the spoon. He was that bad. I don't want that to ever happen again.

[paraclete]

[Kaworu's tired. He's really beyond tired when he says,] I was trying to help. With Unit 13, I — was just trying to help him make things right.

[interstices]

[There's an eeriness to actually discussing this at any length, even briefly. Asuka sounds incredulous, and then just pissed in response.] You almost destroyed everything! What the hell made you think that would do a damn thing?

[paraclete]

[Quietly, and even responsibly: ] I was mistaken. [He'll at least be humble in this. He fucked up. It's nobody's fault but his own.]

[interstices]

[Mistaken doesn't even begin to cover it. Nor do Asuka's next hissed words.] You were an idiot.

[paraclete]

[This is definitely the kind of abuse he's willing to sit and take. It's warranted, he feels, and it's all true anyway. There's no point in putting up a fight against something that's so real.]

I know. It was my own shortcoming.

That's why I want to make things better for him. Shikinami-san, I'm not trying to oppose his growth or his friendship with you. I want him to do whatever he needs to in order to be well. If you project your fears onto me, of course it will seem as though I embody them. But I really don't.

[interstices]

[Asuka's quiet for a brief period, staring at the wrecked remains of the chair. She'll have to dispose of it somehow, later, when she's feeling a little closer to calm.

How am I projecting anything? [Attempting, for however long, to talk like something resembling an adult is nearly impossible. She's so much more accustomed to snaps and barks.] You-- you were a bad influence on him. Katsuragi told him not to pilot Eva anymore, and you got him to. You nearly demolished what's left of the planet. And then after that, he lost it. How am I supposed to think you're not screwing everything up here?

[paraclete]

Here, there's no sign of my greatest adversary. He's not in this place. Therefore, I think that I can create plans on my own, and learn more techniques, and... [For a moment he sounds excited— but after realizing himself, he stops, and recedes.]

I didn't think I was a bad influence. What he wanted most was to fix the world, so that was what I said we'd do. And I also didn't think... [Kaworu hesitates here, as though he's not sure how to navigate this part of the conversation. He's a boat in Antarctic ruins. One wrong angle, and his hull is done for.] ...I didn't think... that my death would have that effect on him.

[interstices]

Greatest adversary, my ass. You were working for Gendo. [That's one point at least that Nagisa can't argue with, not with any hope of success. Asuka takes a breath.]

What kind of effect did you think it would have? Did you really think he was going to be fine?

[paraclete]

We worked with each other. That doesn't mean we weren't also working against each other.

[But it doesn't seem like Kaworu's got much fight in him, right now. He's pretty muted, especially when he says,] I told him we would meet again. [And it was just him, anyway. Shouldn't have been an important loss.] I thought...

[interstices]

[Asuka sounds exasperated. Whatever. He's just going to keep defending the indefensible for however long it takes to soothe his ego. She taps her fingers impatiently against the counter before rattling out a response.]

Meeting again in the afterlife won't make anyone feel better.

[paraclete]

[Glumly, but still vague as hell,] I was a little more determined than that.