driftfleet | 003 ;;

Entry tags:

003 ;;

Who: Winter & You
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: The Iskaulit
When: 3/20

[ Text ]

How does everyone deal with loss? How much of an impact is it meant to have?

Similar. Unrelated. Is anyone familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? I would like to know more.

[ Action >> Iskaulit ]

[ If you happen to be on the Iskaulit at any time in the wee hours of the morning, between two and six, you may run into Winter utilizing the gym. There aren't really posted hours, and that's usually when no one else is around.

The poor sandbags that he helped Jim hang all those months ago are getting a beating. Winter's focus is zeroed in on the same worn spot, but apparently something gives. Winter reels his left arm back, a high metallic whine the only warning before he lands a blow. It's enough force that not only does it knock the sandbag from its hook, but it goes flying across the room like it's nothing.

Emotional? Who's emotional? Nobody here. Mind your business! ]

[ Action >> Heron ]

[ Winter may have been restless before, but without Jim, this is something new entirely. Crew have been coming and going regularly over the past few months, but this is different. The Atroma decided that he should be captain? Over someone who would probably be more capable at it. He sees what you did there. You just couldn't pass up the chance to not have to change names in the roster, huh?

He's trying to wrap his head around it. Sure, he led teams on missions as the Winter Soldier, but that was different. He wasn't really calling the shots. Being Captain is new and scary and leaves room for so much to go wrong.

If anyone wants to bother him, or happens to be visiting, he is more than likely roaming the halls trying to burn off the nervous energy. He's comfortable with the ship, but now he wants to know it inside and out. ~~As if he hadn't already done that.~~ Honestly, he is distraught without Jim and doesn't know how to handle it. It's not as if he can talk to Natasha about it, either. Or Steve.

The message is more than clear- don't get attached. ]

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[Kitty is restless and when that happens it's not surprising to find her training or missing out on sleep for that matter. She manages to step inside just time for a sandbag to fly right through her. Yes, through. It's good to be intangible.] Good morning to you too.

[She looks over to the sandbag killer, and isn't sure what to make of him. Orion's arm and James' face? The confusion shows.]

How people deal with loss differs for everyone. There isn't one right way to deal with it. How much it impact a person...well, that depends on a lot of things. The nature of the loss, when it happens, how close you were to who was lost...

As for PTSD, I'm afraid I only know the textbook medical definitions. [He's a medic, not a therapist]

[in a few days, sara will have been here a month.

she's not too happy about that. she's not too happy about being out in open space, either; it feels so much more like being trapped than the station had. the blameless has practically become claustrophobic where she was fine with it before, and, also important, she's managed to keep the truth about herself from her crew. avoiding displaying her ability to fight (to kill) while they were at the station was one thing; but now they're sharing a cramped ship, and she refuses to lose her edge because she doesn't want to train in front of anyone.

so visiting the iskaulit seemed like a good idea. and visiting it at odd, late night hours? even better. the gym isn't empty, as it turns out, but she slips in quietly while winter beats on those sandbags, sitting down for some preliminary stretches.

she glances up, raises her eyebrows when he sends the sandbag flying.]

It won't be forgetting who's boss anytime soon.

[Haha. Hahaha. Dealing with loss. Let's skip that part...]

What do you want to know about PTSD?

If you go searching for a meaning in loss you can drive yourself insane. Sometimes things happen without fate driving them. With that said, you can give it a meaning on your own by trying to learn something from it.

I don't know anything about that disorder, though.

[ At least beyond what he's come across in books here. There haven't been detailed descriptions. ]

Loss differs between people, and how connected you feel the one lost. There's no right answer for how to deal with it, it's just something you will likely have to figure out for yourself. But I know that talking about it can help.

As for the other - I think you should seek a professional psychiatrist for that, as well as a medical doctor. It has physical and mental effects, or at the least consult a medical textbook.

I think the way you deal with loss is different for everyone. So is the impact.

Don't know much about post-traumatic stress disorder, sorry.

[ Nova slips into the gym, hoping to get some workouts in before it gets busy ]

What'd they ever do to you?

[Al had been unable to sleep, so he'd gone over to the Iskaulit to work out. His body could still wear out easily sometimes, and he knew how important it was to keep up with the strength training exercises he'd been given.

However, all thoughts of working out were gone when he saw Winter, and a broken-looking sandbag. Wordlessly, when the man stopped to take a breath, Al clapped his hands and reshaped the sandbag with alchemy so that it looked like new.]

I believe that a loss is "meant" to have as much impact as you assign it. The same event may not bring individuals to feel equally. But your worth doesn't diminish just because you feel more or less than what your neighbor does.

That said, it's your own circumstances and experiences which will assign that impact to any loss. The concept of "loss" is uniquely tailored to every individual. That's what I've found to be true.

Personally, when I lose, I make the decision to try a different approach to the same situation. The premise behind this persistence is that eventually, I will gain.

-- Will you be taking over the captain's quarters?

[ calmly asked. peggy seems to appear from around a corner, and suddenly she's here. how long has she been aboard the heron? maybe only a few minutes. maybe an hour. but she doesn't do him the disservice of small-talk.

their grief is twinned. shared. she can't believe anything different, or she risks feeling so damnably alone. so peggy stands in the corridor with her hands on her hips. she can't quite meet his eyes. ]

[ guess who. ]

I'd wager half the Fleet has it. You probably won't be lacking in answers.

[ sooo helpful. ]

[ Well, that's something he's not seen before. This must mean some crazy Charles Dickens shenanigans are about to happen.

...Or. You know. The Atroma decide to bring girls who can phase through things. That's an option, too. Winter looks from the sandbag to Kitty, that frown not leaving his face. ]

Usually no one's in here.

[ Clearly it is your fault for stepping in front of the bag, gosh. ]

[Well, if she was movieverse Kitty she might be able to do something with time travel ghost shenanigans for you as it is we'll have to stick with girls who phase.]

Kind of figured. I didn't think it was an attack. [You can tell by the lack of a counter attack.] I'm Kitty. You look...familiarish.

I wasn't close to anyone else. Like missing a limb.

[ Maybe a bad metaphor, but that's exactly what it feels like. An extension of himself is just... gone. ]

I wasn't told much about it in the first place.

Anything you can share. My knowledge is limited.

[ He whips around, spotting her immediately. The walls that he'd let down to vent the hopelessness and aggravation slam back into place, his scowl prominent. Mostly, he's angry at himself for not noticing her entrance. Sloppy. If she meant harm, she could have easily stuck a knife between his ribs.

His fist clenches, the plates sliding back into place. The thought of saying nothing and ignoring her presence briefly crosses his mind, but the notion goes away with a minute shake of his head. ]

That wasn't the problem.

I don't think fate exists in this place.

Thanks anyway.

[her eyes light on the arm, linger for a moment. she's never seen anything like it before. in a way, it's sort of reassuring; her first thought at that display of strength and aggression had been roy, then slade. but an arm like that could break a punching bag without the assistance of any mirakuru, any drugs imparting superhuman strength. but it's not lost on her what other damage an arm like that could do, attached to man who was so inclined.]

It never is, [she says, standing. she couldn't blame him for wanting to take anger out in training; that's exactly what she's here to do.] But I'd guess if you wanted to talk about it, you wouldn't be here.

[you know, alone in the gym in the middle of the night.]

Have you lost someone close to you, then? Difficult, when the person I would speak to about it is gone.

Pass.

[ Just an outright 'no' for that one, Jimbo. He doesn't trust anyone he doesn't know, and no one that he's met doesn't constitute as a professional. Do they? Who knows. He's done just fine on his own so far. No one's been murdered or maimed. ]

What about you personally?

Thanks anyway.

You would think that, but it's the opposite so far.

Lying, probably. Not that I blame them.

Yes. About a year ago - he was a mentor, as close to a father as I've ever come. And some close friends about a two years ago.

_{[ It surprised him to write that down - not only the time, but simply how many had been lost in the course of two years. There were other incidents, many years before, but that wasn't necessarily from death, and he made a point of not mentioning it. ]}

Just a suggestion. You don't have to, but I'm sure they can help.

[ Winter doesn't jump at her sudden presence, though it does get his blood pumping. The fight-or-flight kicks in immediately, though it dies down just as quickly. Peggy doesn't typically make him nervous, but he's unsettled at the thought that she's been lingering and he wasn't aware. He's losing focus. It's a dangerous thing to lose without ~~Jim~~ an ally close by. He doesn't move closer to her, instead standing almost at attention where he's stopped. ]

Not sure if I can.

[ Technically, they're his quarters now, though it doesn't feel like it. He doesn't feel like the captain; there's nothing but dread sitting in his stomach at the thought of it.

Peggy showing up should make him relieved, shouldn't it? She's the only one left he feels he can tell things to. How can he burden her with his problems when she's still dealing with her own? ]

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