driftfleet | .01 where have you gone my feather-light heart?

Entry tags:

.01 where have you gone my feather-light heart?

Who: Susan Pevensie
Broadcast: Video
Action: Marsiva
When: March 25th

Action/Accidental broadcast
[Susan wakes up, and that is the first thing that's wrong. She isn't supposed to be waking up; she's supposed to be stepping through space and time and returning to the place where she now knows she belongs. Her brothers and sister are supposed to have come with her, and that is the second thing which is wrong: a quick glance to either side of her under the strange light (the third thing which is wrong) shows that though there are other beds, she is quite alone. She quickly sits up, feet swinging to the floor with a swish of long skirts (a forth thing that is wrong), and glances around her. Her voice is tart, anger and irritation (something has gone very, very wrong) disguising a gnawing fear.] What is going on here?

Susan glances around for any clue, but this place is foreign; far more so than Narnia had been. The sterility reminds her of a hospital in better days, the days before the War, and there is a strange, canned smell to the air. There's strength in her step as she strides to the window, strength more than Susan from London and she realizes that the Narnian air hasn't left her completely, and it is a very good thing indeed as standing at the window she suddenly finds it very hard to breathe. Hesitating, she places a hand flat on the cool glass as she stares and stares into a night sky.

She is in a night sky. Impossible was a meaningless word, but it was still the first thing she thought. Since impossible was a meaningless word, and Susan was, at her heart, a very practical person, the first thing she did was turn away from the window. The second thing she did was take a deep breath, gaze darting everywhere for any sign of her family, any hint of a weapon (she'd left her bow back in Narnia, given her horn to Caspian - Caspian - and there was no hint anywhere of the sunshine which followed Lucy, the warmth that was Peter, or the perception that was Edmund, making a joyous raucous in such a sterile, sterile place. She would look for them anyway. Surely she wouldn't have been the one sent off on an adventure on her own. They had to be here.)

After finding someone on the ship to help her, the video purposefully flickers on. The camera is initially too close, and picks up part of a conversation--]

[Deliberate Video]
--like this? [A muffled answer, a shot of light, intent eyes, and then the camera pulls back to frame only Susan's face. She is doing what she can to not reveal the dress.]

I've been given to understand that this device communicates with those assembled here against their will. I am sure this is not an unusual request, but any further information about the nature of this place or how we all came to be here [Is it Magic? It doesn't feel like Magic.] would be greatly appreciated.

...and if anyone has heard of my brothers, Peter and Edmund, or my sister Lucy, I would appreciate you contacting me. [She adds, as if this was not a driving force behind her finding out how to make such a post in the first place.] Thank you.

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It would probably help [her tone is far more controlled, and though the iron is still there it is not sharpened to cut] if you didn't assume you knew.

[They hadn't talked about Narnia in the year they'd been between, not really. Hadn't spoken of friends they'd left behind, responsibilities left undone. There had been no going back. At least, that was what she had thought; she'd been wrong. Now, though, she knew for certain.

It was that certainty, that she would never be going back, that she was supposed to be going home which had her continue to extend enough trust to try and sort this out with a stranger. A stranger who knew Narnia.] I was supposed to be going home. [She said instead, not the whole story but enough, she thought, to keep to the knot of the problem.] We all were.

[Where are they? If they're not here, did they make it home? Or are they in a place equally as strange and alone? Or - worse?]

[ Assuming is not the right word for it, but he'll let her decide what assumptions they are. She doesn't know his powers and that's best left for another day. Still . . . she is so young. It was hard to look at her. ]

Then we come to the crossroads. What do you know and what do you believe? I know, but is there a point if I cannot be believed?

[Belief was a bit of a hard word for Su after being the last of her brothers and sister, the very last, to see Aslan. It hadn't been like for all those years they had reigned, although Lucy always shared a special connection with the Lion, Susan too had been at the table, she too had been there when he had roared and defeated winter. But she had to be practical - this was not about her, after all. Leto had made his question personal, and while she wasn't exactly sure she saw the connection, Susan gives his question due consideration.]

I suppose that depends.

Very well.

[ It's not about him anyway. And this was one of the few times he could answer on the workings of time. ]

I believe you were taken during your journey. Your siblings would have arrived back in Engla -- Britain. It is hard to say whether time will move forward on that point. They might notice or time may move too slow for them to notice your disappearance. The Atroma has a fine control on these events.

[It depends on what you choose to do, on if action or inaction was dependent upon being believed, and on what, exactly, was at risk. Apparently, he chose to risk her disbelief, since she had been mistaken and it was about what she had said after all.]

[A little faintly:] England is fine. [Off screen, her free hand curls into a loose fist, catching the elegant skirts. She wishes quite desperately that she had something to do.

It is hard for her to believe that she could have been snatched out of one sort of magic by another -- but then, maybe it was the magic that made her more vulnerable? What did she know?

Time - noticed or unnoticed. Frozen or not frozen. She'd been caused to abandon her country, her people, her responsibilities once before due to tricks of time, but at least her family was with her. Now, would it be the same? Would hundreds of years pass at home leaving her only a breath of memory, losing all she loved, or would it only be an instant, as it had been once before?

He was unsure, and how could he be otherwise?

Aware that she had been caught in her thoughts for longer than was strictly polite, Susan remembered herself and glanced back at the communicator, her gaze shaded.] Thank you.

Edited 2016-03-31 03:16 (UTC)

[ He bows lightly. He would do anything for her, but that's not a reason that needs to be known. Best left forgotten, he decides. ]

If it helps, I do not think much time will pass you by before you are reunited. Nothing like the length of time you spent in Narnia as compared to your own world.

[Incongruously enough, his comment sparks a light of wry amusement, driving the shadows deeper (not away, but deeper, hidden).]

That's exactly what I was thinking about. It's a little disorienting, [she could end there, and may have, but instead decided to hazard a bit of trust in his direction with some frank honesty], how much you know about what was, to me, something that took place only hours ago.

[It's very strange to be forced to share a confidence when these things are secret - but he knows them already, so are they secret anymore at all?]

It is part of my abilities.

[ He hesitates. Talking about his powers is always the ultimate test. No one likes them, no one understands them. It is always looked upon as a breach of privacy and he agrees, if he could control it. At the most, he can ignore the visions but they are always there, dancing on the outskirts of his eyes.

She could destroy him. He's always left weapons in the hands of the people he has loved. ]

I can perceive time. What was, what is and what could be.

[Susan blinks.] Oh.

[And for a moment, that is all as she grapples with what that means. She is not exactly a physicist. What was...

What is...

What could be...

She thinks about that for a moment longer, and the concept is slippery but clear. For a moment, she wonders if that relates to his eyes. She has not known many humans with abilities, and Leto certainly looks human enough, but that didn't mean that was all he was, and as she focuses simply on him, and on why he's telling her what she is, Susan can't help but think: how lonely. It had been hard enough to be in and out of time, to gain and lose fifteen years, but to know it all and see it all--

She didn't think he'd want her somewhat horrified compassion, he didn't carry himself as if he were looking for reassurances and so the very next thing that came out was something she'd be embarrassed about asking a moment later. Her tone is curious, as if she was trying to put pieces together still, still warm and as open as she'd allowed herself to be:]

How do you tell them apart?

Who says I can? I usually work with the most probable guess and go from there.

[ Visions overlap constantly. It's not as confusing as it sounds when the outcomes narrow themselves down. ]

Oh. [Yeah, that sounds terribly confusing. And terrible. And she still held by her initial opinion - unless, of course, everyone in his world could do that? That would be... something.]

So you're guessing now?

To some extent, yes. I usually get it right, but not always. Living in the moment has a, ah, different connotation for me.

[ The more accurate word would be moments. ]

[At this point, Susan has forgotten that she is being incredibly invasive with her questions and that this is not as private a conversation as she would like if she were he. Susan is just trying to understand.

...and it wouldn't even matter that another version of me had told him it before, that could very well be now for him...]

Yes, I can see that it would be. [She flickers the smallest hint of a smile at him, rallying and trying to find her footing.] So I must get used to being disquieted, then.

[In other words, yeah, not freaked out too badly at all, even though she thinks she understands. She won't have to hide, anyway. There's a certain amount of relief in that.]

Edited 2016-04-01 02:05 (UTC)

[ His expression flickers. ]

Do you? You could walk away.

[ It would be easier. Simpler. ]

I could. But I'm not very good at walking away.

[And that was true, and would have remained true regardless of the fact that she saw absolutely no reason to ignore someone who had contacted her and shown her kindness. Someone knowing her was uncomfortable, and held her to a certain account, but it also wasn't something she could comfortably walk away from. The time thing? That was just one new thing on top of another, she didn't feel any more exposed by it than she did knowing that he knew of Narnia, knew of another her entirely.]

Even when it might be more comfortable.

[ His lips twitch, a little knowing. What else would he have expected from Susan Pevensie? ]

There is a certain strength in staying.

[A shrug. (An ache. Sometimes, staying was not an option, no matter how much she wished it was.) This wasn't about strength, it was about choices - loyalty, maybe, or something like it.

For a moment, though, she feels awkwardly tongue-tied. She is no longer accustomed to such compliments, to such a seeing of herself. So she distances herself from it a little, gives a wry smile.]

I suppose that depends on how long and for what purpose. [A breath, a glance at the window - space is dizzying and Su returns her attention to the communicator.] Thank you anyway. For telling me.

[ He doesn't say anything, looking over her carefully. Then he bows politely, the face of etiquette. ]

You're welcome.

[Susan doesn't flinch from his observation, though it is not a comfortable moment.

Nothing about this entire thing is comfortable.

She feels pressed, again, with the need to get up and look for her brothers and sister, regardless of what she found the last few times she'd inspected the ship. She resists the urge for a moment, just to return the etiquette and say a proper farewell. She inclines her head in response to his bow.]

I hope to speak with you again. [And she found that it was true, even if he was quite right: it would be easier not to. She pauses and almost - almost the sort of humor she'd give her siblings, but even though he knows her, she doesn't know him. So she maintains formality instead.] For now, please excuse me.

[No excuses given, no lies told.]

[ Softly, not loud enough to be heard. ] May the sands part at your crossing.

[ He closes the connection with a sigh. What was he doing? He knew what he was. Entertaining false hopes, of a time long past. He chose to leave, he chose to give it up.

He was the God Emperor now. He wasn't Dune anymore. Even Leto felt like a blissful lie to tell to children in their sleep. ]

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.01 where have you gone my feather-light heart?

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