he's probably fine.

[nerdeology]

Who: Mikleo
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: On the Huntress!
When: Now, basically

[You know what's great about being a seraph? Never getting sick. You know what's not great about being a seraph? Having zero frame of reference for what being sick is like when you experience it for the first time. And after a month of quietly enduring and/or ignoring it, despite being a water elemental trapped on a planet full of poisonous water, it's finally caught up to him.

It doesn't help that this realization comes hand in hand with the fact that he's been upgraded to captain, apparently, which is as nonsensical a decision as he's ever heard from the Atroma. The one perk - besides the sudden lack of malevolence on the Huntress due to Greed's departure - means that he now has a big bed to curl up and be miserable in.]

I have a few questions.

is there some sort of guide for captain's duties? for those who lack experience.

also:

how do you tell whether you are dying or just sick

[...Those questions should probably have had a completely different priority, but whatever. He's too sick to be bothered.

He makes an attempt at sending this out as an anonymous communication, but he's a bit too light-headed and bleary-eyed to pull it off, so it probably doesn't work too well. He still doesn't show up on camera, so there is that.]

Comments

[nerdeology]

[Mikleo doesn't put up much of a fight, slumping back against the bed and closing his eyes. For a long set of moments he just focuses on the cold water on his skin, letting it ease some of the heat he'd been feeling for too long already. It can't fix what's wrong with him, but he hadn't realized how much he'd needed this small comfort until now.]

I... don't blame you. Maybe I should have told you sooner, too, but... I think a part of me was hoping you wouldn't notice, either. I've never felt like this before.

[He sighs wearily. If he's allowed to be annoyed with Sorey for not being honest, he'd better stop dancing around his own issues.]

I remember what Lailah said, once... to deny ourselves, to resist what we know as reality- it's what lets in the malevolence. That's why I was so passionate about it. I had to do something, I had to try, so I wouldn't...

[--Become a hellion. And he can't say the words, because saying it aloud used to be so much easier when it wasn't about himself.

I was scared.]

[monolike]

[That, at least, Sorey can pick up on with no need for translation. He rests a hand on Mikleo's chest and leans over him, brow scrunched.]

I won't let that happen. I promise. You'll never be a hellion Mikleo, I swear.

[nerdeology]

[With anyone else, such a promise would be just empty words. After all, no one can guarantee the future. Stronger and wiser seraphim than he have become hellions, those who know how to rein in all the awful feelings that nurture malevolence. They lived for hundreds, thousands of years and still fell into darkness in the wrong situation. And a human, someone who'll live a hundred years if they're lucky, can't guarantee never to an immortal. It's ludicrous. Unbelievable, really.

Sorey, though... Sorey could make him believe pretty much anything. There's nothing empty about that sort of conviction, or the trust they share.

Mikleo doesn't respond outright, but he does nod slightly, offering up his forearm, his hand shifting to a more relaxed fist this time. For all the difficulties they've had lately, they haven't lost each other. The rest doesn't matter.]

[monolike]

[Sorey taps his arm to Mikleo's.

It's not like he's unaware, or that he's optimistic to the point of idiocy. It's not that he's denying his own reality; that as a human being, Mikleo's lifespan will far outstrip his own. That as a mortal, he's just as susceptible to the corruption of malevolence as anybody else. He knows it, and Mikleo knows it to. As friends, there's never a thing that they couldn't share with each other. That's why their armatization always fits a little bit better, why learning alongside Mikleo has always been a much smoother process. As partners, they're unstoppable because of the strength of their bonds.

If it was only that simple, maybe this wouldn't be so hard.]

I understand how important this is to you now, Mikleo. [To make this about him, about his insecurities- it would be selfish. All Mikleo's ever done is support him. It's about time he gave a little more back.] Let me be your strength this time. We can try again- I won't hide anything from you. We can try as many times as you need, and maybe with the armatization, you won't get sick.

[nerdeology]

[Mikleo frowns a little at that, quiet for a moment longer before he opens his eyes again, glancing over at Sorey. The offer is kind, and not surprising, considering the source of it. But time and distance have at least given him a few clues at what he should be doing, here.]

I want to say yes... and I'm not really saying no, I guess, but... it won't help. We'd just be wasting our energy and adding to our frustration. Whatever is going on here, our kind of purification isn't the answer, even with something as powerful as armitization. We need to look deeper.

[It's not the same as giving up, even if it feels like it. More of a reality check.

They're going to need some help with this one.]

[monolike]

[He's right, of course. Not everything here can be solved just by him being the Shepard and Mikleo and Dezel being seraphim. In fact, it seems like very very little can be solved with just that. It's the opposite of home, where he had to pick and choose which problems to tackle. Here, it seems like every issue that crops up not only doesn't have a use for them, but will actually get worse with their interference.

They'll have to approach this the Mikleo and Sorey way, rather than the seraphim and Shepard way.] It seems like a lot of people on the Fleet are already pretty concerned about this. I'm sure we can find someone who needs our help; and you can read the water, so your detection skills will probably be really useful. We should ask around.

[nerdeology]

It's my understanding that it all comes down to the machines they used to change the planet. Those... terraformers. Once we get access to them, we'll get a clearer picture, I think. They'll probably need engineers.

[He smiles faintly. He, too, can recognize the parallels.]

Like opening up a door to deeper ruins. We've got way more experience with this.

[monolike]

Well when you put it like that, it actually sounds kind of fun. [not that sorey thinks he'll be too helpful on the engineering front, but there's definitely something exciting about discovering clues to solving a mystery. especially with mikleo at his side.]

[nerdeology]

...You're not allowed to get distracted.

[He won't deny that the sentiment is both appealing and mutual, however.

Well, okay, he might deny, but he'll still feel it.]

[monolike]

I won't! Besides, the job itself would be to discover more about those terraformers, right? Can't get distracted by the thing we're already going to be doing. [what if they find RUINS underground hoshit]

[nerdeology]

[He can already think of a dozen ways this will go wrong...]

Fair enough. But I'm definitely coming along, just in case.

[monolike]

Oh ho, just to keep an eye on me? Not to have a look around for yourself? [Sorey fetches the cloth and rewets it. He's supposed to be looking after Mikleo, after all.]

[nerdeology]

...Hmph.

[The downside of growing up with someone: they know you too well.]

As long as I'm there, I might as well see what's what. I can't let you take the lead when it comes to discoveries.

[monolike]

Are you sure you should wander so far? You're the Captain now, don't you have a duty to the ship? [mops mikleo's brow] I don't mind taking the lead.

[nerdeology]

[Uuugh, right. He should be annoyed by that, but actually, it reminds him-]

Well then, you won't mind taking on the first mate position, as well as half the work.

[monolike]

Definitely don't mind. I'd be honored, actually. [It'd be neat, to be the one supporting Mikleo for a change.]

[nerdeology]

[....]

Idiot. At least give it some thought, first.

[It's not surprising, though. Sorey's tendency to do something reckless because it'll help others is what set them off on their journey right from the get-go.]

[monolike]

What's there to think about? [hit the nail on the head, mickey] You're always supporting me. I'm happy to have the opportunity to do the same for you.

[nerdeology]

[Wait, he actually thinks like that?]

What are you talking about? We've always supported each other. You're not keeping score, are you?

[monolike]

No, no! Of course not. [kinda] But you have to admit, since all this Shepard business started, it's been a little one-sided...

[nerdeology]

[That's pretty much admitting that he's right, Sorey.]

I told you already- I chose this for myself as much as for you.

[monolike]

No, I know. I'm not saying you've been forced into anything, or you feel obligated or anything like that. But even if this is your choice, it's still supporting me. [Sorey drags a hand through his hair.] If our roles were reversed, how would you feel?

[nerdeology]

I like to think that I wouldn't be so dense that I'd feel the need to even out some nonexistent friendship scale.

[This is dumb and you're being dumb, stop that.]

If you want to do this, then do it. Just don't do it out of some feeling of obligation.

[monolike]

It's not obligation, [Sorey murmurs, wringing out the cloth maybe a little harder than he needs to.] We don't have to share a goal for us to want to support each other. It's not like I feel I owe you, or anything like that. I just want- I want to do something for you that isn't tied directly into something we both want.

[nerdeology]

[Mikleo glances over to scrutinize Sorey's expression, his gaze dropping to the hand holding the cloth, and after a moment he reaches out to grasp that hand lightly, shaking his head.]

Sorey.

[Easy.

It still feels wrong, for Sorey to be worrying so much about something Mikleo thinks about so little, but if he's this bothered by it, it should be taken seriously.]

It's fine. I accept your offer.