02 - video

[winn]

Who: Winn
Broadcast: Fleetwide video
Action: the Tourist
When: now!

[ last time he posted anything, he was a nervous wreck and kind of nauseous. the changes the past two months have left in him are impossible to miss; winn is smiling, upbeat, and almost comfortable. the nervous energy that is there has more to do with his addressing a bunch of strangers than the constant fear of death by space-stuff that overshadowed his first feed. ]

Hi, if we don't know each other - I'm Winn Schott. If we do know each other...I'm still Winn Schott - [ shaking his head, why hasn't he learned from the last time? prepare a script! ]

Anyway! I've been here for a couple months now, and it's been interesting - and I mean that in the original sense of the word. Think about it - not only are we in outer space [ there's only a slight wince at that, and even a lot of excitement. space is terrifying - but it's also really cool ] - but we have a once in a lifetime opportunity to reach across the multiverse and learn things that haven't even been dreamed up in our worlds yet. I've been learning - a ton from just casually talking to people, but there is a much better way to do this if we all cooperate, [ open source. it's the way of the future! ] and I know I'm not the only one out there who's interested!

So, I've got a suggestion for anyone who thinks that's really cool - and - pity for anyone who doesn't [ and by pity, he means judgment. he gestures excitedly with his hands as he introduces his brilliant concept ] - 2016: A Space-Time Odyssey - a series of free weekly lectures about anything and everything we've got here. Talks about different worlds, science, history, art lessons, concerts - I know we've got some musicians here - basically anything anyone signs up to talk about, teach, perform, or however you communicate things where you're from. Since we don't have a lecture hall we can broadcast the talks - give ourselves a fun routine....and if that doesn't work for someone, I can post the notes I'm so gonna take of all of these. Who's in? Who wants to go first?

Comments

[winn]

I was thinking about suggestions in locating the problem --

[ a part of him is tempted, to finally be rid of that fear. the rest of him is terrified of anyone touching his mind, terrified of what would happen to him without that fear? what if that fear is all that's standing between him and insanity? he's not taking that risk. ]

[axiomed]

Then that is what we can work on. If you're interested.

[winn]

I'm gonna -- have to ask you to be more specific here, cuz I'm getting the feeling we may not be on the sage page. We are talking figuring out how and what they're doing to us, here, right?

[ so they could neutralize it, go home...not mess with his messy mind? ]

[axiomed]

We can do that.

[ But he folds his hands on his lap. ] But I'm also concerned about how -- strong your feelings are.

[winn]

You mean most people are totally cool with being abducted and brain-surgeried without their consent?

[ are his feelings really that abnormally strong for their predicament? is it because he knows that if he doesn't fix this kitty could disappear at any time - go back to her home where nothing but death awaits her? because he knows how miserable kara is without alex, without james, without getting to be supergirl? or is it because there really is something wrong with him?

and is he being very abnormally obvious about it, or is this guy peeking into his head despite assuring him he won't?

he really should deal with his feelings. but he's been taught to view them as a bother to other people, not something valid he should face and get help for. people aren't lining up to offer emotional support to the murderer's family. ]

[axiomed]

[ Patiently. ]

Most people don't spiral into very loud and depressing scenarios where everything is terrible.

There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. But I'm worried because you seem to get a little . . . carried away.

[winn]

Very loud? As in --

[ gesturing to his head - is he yelling his paranoia in your head, charles? shit, yeah he's going to need to get that under control. ]

[axiomed]

I suppose it's a bit like standing next to the radio. I can control the volume but I can't filter out everything. My power doesn't have an off button, I can simply rein it in.

[winn]

[ ok. that would have been a nice caveat to hear along with the promise to stay out of his head without his permission. ]

Any other disclaimers? [ maybe he's pushing it with the trust. ]

[axiomed]

[ In his defense, he wasn't expecting this kind of neurosis. ]

I don't know. Perhaps you'd like to tell me?

[winn]

[ it is a very special and intense sort. sorry in advance if he's about to give you a headache right now, charles. if it's any consolation, he's giving it to himself, too.

he's getting a sort of freaked-out look now. does that mean he saw something? is there insanity, lurking in the back of his mind, waiting for the opportune moment to take over? ]

What's that supposed to mean?

[axiomed]

[ Charles sighs audibly. He'd have to apologize to Hank later. ]

I meant whether you have any other fears you wish me to allay, Mr. Schott.

[winn]

Right - [ you know what he just remembered? he has a drink. he's going to down the rest of it in one go now. maybe working on his paranoia isn't the worst of ideas.

he nods appreciatively. ]

Is - listening the only part you can't control? [ you're not going to accidentally manipulate his brain too, right? ]

[axiomed]

When you learn how to turn off your eardrums, do inform me and the scientific community.

As for my other abilities, they would require my direct and conscious involvement. I haven't lost control before.

[ At the most, during a traumatic event, Charles' empathy could bleed out, affecting people close by but even then he tamps down the worst of it. ]

[winn]

I'll put it on my list.

[ charles gets a faint smile at that. hey, he's working on so many impossible projects already, what's one more? ]

So it's only when I'm - [ waving his hand around, trying to find an appropriate word - losing it? ] spiraling? [ really just trying to understand now. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles hesitates before nodding. ]

Think of it as a frequency. As your thoughts get more frantic, the frequency gets louder.

[winn]

[ yes, talk science to him, science he can understand. ]

That make sense - [ he nods ] sorry that must've sounded like screaming. [ looking embarrassed now. how is he supposed to control his thoughts, though? he's been trying to do that his whole life, all he's managed to get is usually controlling his actions. ] Um. How much...did you get?

[axiomed]

Nothing too personal. Just a lot of fear and paranoia over the implant and certain . . . issues? Pertaining to yourself and the way you approach things.

[winn]

[ he rubs the back of his head uncomfortably. that's good. he's prepared for everyone finding out about his dad - he's had to deal with it twice in his life already - but he's not looking forward to it.

he does feel like he owes the man an explanation now, though. ]

There's a...history of mental illness in my family. I just don't like the thought of not being in control of my head.

[ it's not the whole truth, but it is the truth. ]

[axiomed]

Do you have a therapist back home?

[ Or has arriving in the Fleet compounded the issue? Charles wasn't sure. ]

[winn]

No, no, I'm fine. [ god he hopes he is. ] I just don't like the idea that someone else controls whether or not I stay that way.

[axiomed]

Well, no one is controlling you.

[ But Charles has doubts about Winn's control. Not that it's his business. ]

[winn]

That is always nice to know.

[ you and him both, charles, you and him both. maybe getting some therapy is the responsible thing to do, but it doesn't really occur to him. his problems are nothing, after all, especially compared with the things his friends in the fleet have had to deal with. ]

[axiomed]

I'm sure. Do you have any other questions for me?

[winn]

How long you got?

[ he smiles a little. look he's really interested in superpowers and science, and you know them both. ]