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Who: Tyrion Lannister
Broadcast: The whole Fleet
Action: Accidental video
When: Today

[If anyone ever had a doubt that Tyrion Lannister likes to keep himself occupied, today would be the day that he put all doubts to rest. His fingers flick against the side of his camera as he is reaching for a book. Which is good, because he's got three open now. He frowns at one paragraph, then pushes off with his chair - with wheels, fascinating things these.

Then he was picking up a screwdriver, turning to a tank that looked a great deal like the displays at the Green Museum, twisting a brace into place, eying it, then rolling back across the floor to check on the panels for the engine. He picked up a clipboard, put down the screwdriver and exchanged it for pencil while he marked off a few things on a list, then pushed himself off to roll back to his desk, where he flipped a page on his second book, muttering quietly to himself.]

'This means that the center of mass of the arrow–where gravity acts–is further forward than the center of pressure–where aerodynamic forces act. This results in the aerodynamic forces helping to stabilize the flight of the arrow.'

[He tapped the page, then pushed off again to his work-table, where a variety of weapons were lying on the surface, and plucked up the bow.] Yes, all right, that means I just need to change the density of the string and curve the bow a little more for the right amount of pressure per inch... good, good.

[He hummed as he put the bow back down, and reached underneath for his toolbox, singing softly to himself as he went through the varying strings he had gathered for said bow.]

I'm malicious, mean and scary
My sneer could curdle dairy
And violence-wise, my hands are not the cleanest
But despite my evil look
And my temper and my hook
I've always yearned to be a concert pianist
Can't you see me on the stage performin' Mozart
Ticklin' the ivories 'til they gleam?
Yep, I'd rather be called deadly
For my killer show tune medley
Thank you, 'cause way down deep inside I've got a dream

[Clearly, Tyrion is something of a workaholic, when he gets himself going.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ He'll probably hold up for about as long as it takes for his failed loyalty to the Starks to be mentioned. Which is to say, likely not long at all. ]

You've not seen yourself recently, have you? I would avoid the mirror as well if I were you. By speaking to you this way, I don't have to suffer your face. Which, though it may shock you to learn, looks like an ass's ass.

I look at myself quite frequently, Greyjoy. Mostly because I can stand to look myself in the eye without wincing. Can you say the same?

Oh, yes, and ass's ass? Was that supposed to be clever wordplay? I believe you need to rethink your own personal faults. Clever is not something I would ever associate with you.

Or good looking, come to think of it. Did your father fuck a squid himself to give you that googly-eyed look? Of course I wouldn't be surprised if it was all inbreeding with squids ...poor squids, they really did move down on the food chain with that unfortunate family relationship.

[ There it is, the first successful hit at him. When it doubt, aim for the self loathing. Gets him every time. ]

Oh, I can say better. I've a face that's actually worth looking at. I would be envious as well.

[ Which is clearly a lie he tells himself to sleep better at night. His tone has hardly changed, but there's a barely noticeable hint of uncertainty that wasn't there before. ]

You may want to keep the inbreeding japes to yourself, imp. My ears are not deaf to the rumors about certain Lannister children.

[There are plenty more where that came from.]

I shall now add delusional onto your list of defects ... gracious this is becoming a long list.

[One corner of his mouth twists - oh, Theon - as if he cares about Jaime or Cersei any longer. Joffrey was clearly a mistake of that union. However, Tommen and Myrcella ... well. Now he has just earned everything he gets.]

[So with a purr.] Careful, Greyjoy. You've already betrayed one King you have sworn fealty to. I am not sure what will happen to you if you slander another. You are running out of skirt and shields to hide behind.

[ Already, he's growing frustrated. Tyrion's jab is a good, painful twist of the knife and Theon really should have known better than to play this game again. He's just too stubborn to stay away until he's won.

He will never win. So he changes the subject instead, doing his best to keep the anger out of his voice. ]

I would be happy to test that bow out on you, dwarf. What harm can it do? You seem so intent on digging your own grave already.

[And now you will get the kind of laugh that should make you shiver, Theon. Just for you.]

You know, the last man who doubted my martial prowess with an archery weapon ended up dead, shit running down his legs. Are you so eager to join him, Greyjoy?

[He killed his father and didn't even shed a tear, Theon.]

[ And it does. It also makes him hate Tyrion even more. No one should be able to irritate him so easily, but Tyrion sure knows what he's doing. Still, Theon forces a laugh, determined not to be bested even though his armor is wearing thin. ]

The last man who doubted mine wound up dead with an arrow in his chest. [ An act he still feels he should have been praised for and not belittled as he had been. Thanks very much, Robb. ] The shit makes no difference, does it? It's the shot that matters, and I could put an arrow in your eye socket before you can even react.

[ It's probably the one thing he's really good at. ]

[He knows the tone of a forced laugh, Theon, and he knows he has you.]

Yes, but here's the difference between you and I, Greyjoy. The moment that you would kill me, is the moment all of my friends would descend upon you like a pack of - what is that animal - oh yes, direwolves.. While, if I killed you ... [And he lets it linger there, because Tyrion the Silvertongue knows how to grab a phrase.] You would lie in a pool of your own blood and feces, for days, before someone bothered to see what happened to you. Then they would just shrug, and drop your body out of an airlock.

[He dropped his voice to a whisper.] Your skill as an archer withstanding, I would not try anything you will inevitably regret.

[ Well, that's stings. Theon hates knowing that someone can so thoroughly dissect him and pick apart everything that hurts him deepest. Still, he laughs again, just as forced, as he continues to dig his grave even deeper. ]

If you killed me? You act as if you actually could. You may want to join the ranks of the others who believe the same.

[ Theon, stop. Just stop. ]

[He pressed his fingertips again, tipping his head to the side.]

People keep telling me that I cannot do things. Catelyn Stark told me I could not talk my way out of the Eyrie. My sister told me I could not hold the Blackwater against Stannis Baratheon. My nephew stated I would not survive his reign. My father told me I could not shoot him.

[And now, properly pitch his words, once more.]

I could kill you without batting an eyelash, or shedding a tear.

[ And that's where the laughter dies off. The Iron Islands frown upon kinslaying just as much as the rest of the North. It's one of the few things they can agree on. ]

You're a kinslayer as well as a dwarf, then. What do the rest of your family have to say about that?

[ Sounds like you've mucked up just as badly as Theon has, Tyrion. ]

[Kinslaying, ah, just as bad as kingslaying. Such a pity that Tyrion doesn't give a damn about either title.]

Oh, they want my head on a pike, of course. Imagine my grief. I'm heartbroken.

[Only if you define 'mucking up' as killing off the person who ruined your entire life -- which honestly, by Tyrion's expression, he did not.]

Now, as a mercy, I am willing to let you bow out of the rest of this conversation. You will not win. [You are never going to win, Theon. You can't hurt Tyrion.] And all you will accomplish is looking further the fool.

[And there it is, that razor sharp, dangerous smile.] Not to mention annoying the man who killed Tywin Lannister, and who really wants to be on the bad side of that particular madman, hm?

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