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driftfleet2016-05-17 01:22 am
child_of_bhaal) wrote in driftfleet2016-05-17 01:22 am
Entry tags:
Mirtul 18 1370 dr
Who: Syeira and YOU
Broadcast: Nope
Action: Varric's bar on the Iskaulit mostly
When: Directly after the shuffle.
She has been checking on the roster listing nearly compulsively lately. Things have just been rough for her. Losses upon losses. Regaining Anders, only for her friend to not know her. It piles up on top of everything else.
Everything else being Sam falling into a sleep only to wake and nearly do something horrible to Cas. And she got to take a lovely swim in Sam's blood for that, a delightful bonus to her kill deprived self. And then Sam is hurt, again, on her watch. Cas fell into a sleep immediately after. She's been ill from the planet nearly all the time. Coil had a melt down. Arthur turned into a tiny teenager. And of course, Robin revealed to her she not only had a Calibration, but when he was in it, he saw her murder her own mother.
She had asked Robin not to shut her out again. That was the mistake. She'd admitted her fragility out loud where Atroma could over hear it. She'd told him she couldn't stand to lose any more friends. And now he's just gone. Removed, like so many others. And she quite simply cannot take one more bit of horrible without doing something about it. But there's nothing to fight. She's not going to trash her room. The thing that's left is rather obvious.
She goes to the Iskaulit, to the tavern that feels like one from home. She has a small pouch full of credits. She managed to pull out enough that the pouch weighs at least five pound. There's a hefty amount of money in it. This she takes directly to whoever is tending the bar, places it purposefully down on the counter, and gives them a dead serious, almost empty look.
"I would like to drink, until I physically cannot anymore, or the money runs out. Whichever comes first." And by the look of things, the money won't be what runs out first. "If it's the former, please feel free to keep whatever is left over for your troubles." Because she imagines it will be annoying to shove her out into the hall when she's fall down drunk.
And with that, she will start drinking. There's dedication in it, because she wants to obliterate everything in her head. Blot it all out until all that's left is alcohol poisoning.
[ooc: Feel free to tag her at any time during this. And please note, she did not notice Zhas has returned to the fleet, and I request that no one tells her. Thank you!]
Broadcast: Nope
Action: Varric's bar on the Iskaulit mostly
When: Directly after the shuffle.
She has been checking on the roster listing nearly compulsively lately. Things have just been rough for her. Losses upon losses. Regaining Anders, only for her friend to not know her. It piles up on top of everything else.
Everything else being Sam falling into a sleep only to wake and nearly do something horrible to Cas. And she got to take a lovely swim in Sam's blood for that, a delightful bonus to her kill deprived self. And then Sam is hurt, again, on her watch. Cas fell into a sleep immediately after. She's been ill from the planet nearly all the time. Coil had a melt down. Arthur turned into a tiny teenager. And of course, Robin revealed to her she not only had a Calibration, but when he was in it, he saw her murder her own mother.
She had asked Robin not to shut her out again. That was the mistake. She'd admitted her fragility out loud where Atroma could over hear it. She'd told him she couldn't stand to lose any more friends. And now he's just gone. Removed, like so many others. And she quite simply cannot take one more bit of horrible without doing something about it. But there's nothing to fight. She's not going to trash her room. The thing that's left is rather obvious.
She goes to the Iskaulit, to the tavern that feels like one from home. She has a small pouch full of credits. She managed to pull out enough that the pouch weighs at least five pound. There's a hefty amount of money in it. This she takes directly to whoever is tending the bar, places it purposefully down on the counter, and gives them a dead serious, almost empty look.
"I would like to drink, until I physically cannot anymore, or the money runs out. Whichever comes first." And by the look of things, the money won't be what runs out first. "If it's the former, please feel free to keep whatever is left over for your troubles." Because she imagines it will be annoying to shove her out into the hall when she's fall down drunk.
And with that, she will start drinking. There's dedication in it, because she wants to obliterate everything in her head. Blot it all out until all that's left is alcohol poisoning.
[ooc: Feel free to tag her at any time during this. And please note, she did not notice Zhas has returned to the fleet, and I request that no one tells her. Thank you!]
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He blinks in surprise at the slap to his chest. He looks down, just away from her. Because it may not be his fault in reality but he hates to let people down. He doesn't abandon people. But he doesn't want to make her upset, so he's silent as they walk.
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And being drunk doesn't change it, ha. It just makes her less likely to filter anything.
"Don't be pouty. It's my night to be pouty. You can have your turn tomorrow. Where are we going?" Because she has forgotten, or he didn't tell her. She can't recall which it is just now.
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He leads her toward the shuttles, since he brought one here. It certainly was her turn, and he wants to hear about it. He helps her in and makes sure she's seated before he slides in the pilot's seat.
"I know you've been sad lately. What happened?"
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"Anything. Everything. Imagine something, it's probably happened to me." She drops her head on his rshoulde. "You ever wish you'd never been born?"
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She rolls her head so her forehead is propped on the bone of his shoulder."I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm unhappy and not thinking. I should have stayed in my room."
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He settles back to the controls and shakes his head. "You're allowed to be unhappy. Now stop feeling guilty and tell me everything that's lead to this point."
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"My whole life has led to this. Every single moment." Ugh, no. The tears are trying to come back. "I'm not a person, I'm a tool. I pretended to be real, but what's the use?"
No, no, no. Tears stay back. She breathes through her mouth, fighting them off again.
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And then he hears the second part. He neatly parks the shuttle at their ship, powers the shuttle off, then immediately stands and gathers her up in a soft hug, no warning, just them cramped together in their tiny shuttle.
"No. You're real, a real person who deserves every kind thing in the world. You're important and you deserve something for yourself, especially your health and well-being. I'll say it as many times as I have to for you to believe it."
It all comes out in kind of a soft blurt, because this doesn't come easy to Arthur. But it's true, and the least he can do for her.
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But she doesn't let herself cry. She lets herself be hugged, holds onto his shirt with loose fists, but doesn't give herself over to it. "How can I believe it, when everything else says different?"
cw: mention of suicide
"Sometimes, the world just puts a lot on your shoulders. It's not because you're good or bad. It just happens. It's not fair or right, but that's how it is. I remember being at my wit's end, when Mal killed herself, so... I'm not telling you to man up or anything ridiculous like that. I'm just... I'm trying to tell you it's not your fault."
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"I'm sorry about your friend." It's a safe place to go, because she actually believes the bad things that happen around her are her fault. That's what the prophecy kinda implies.
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"You would've liked her. She had guts. And she was smart as a whip."
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She gives him her hand, because she's not that stubborn. Falling on her face would not be a good time. So she leans against his side, once they're both out.
"Is she why you've been so preoccupied lately?" Syeira has eyes. She's not missed his questions about death and loss.
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The question makes him tense around her. It's not something he likes to talk about. "I suppose so." He knows it is. But avoidance is good, right? He heads toward the bunks, still holding on to her. "I thought it was your day to be upset."
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"Where you there?"
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"Stubborn."
But okay, he guesses she deserves to know since he brought it up.
"No. And Cobb didn't tell me much about it, but I think I know what happened."
He sighs, helping her down onto her bed. "Have I told you about inception?"
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"No, what's that?"
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So I'm guessing he planted an idea in her head. 'Your world isn't real.' And when they woke, the idea stuck. The only way to escape a dream is to kill herself, so..." That's why he thinks she killed herself. "It's just not fair he didn't tell me about it. He never told me. These are just all assumptions."
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"I haven't told most people about my heritage because I'm afraid they'll be scared of me. I don't want people to be afraid of me."
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He touches her arm. "I'm not afraid."
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"You should be."
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"But I'm not. Not sure there's anything you could do that would make me afraid of you."
Okay, the laces are undone on that foot. He pops off the boot and sets it down.
"Lie back on the bed and put your other foot in my lap."
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"You think so? What if I turned into a monster?"
She flops back on the bed, arms flung out. She lifts her still booted foot into his lap, as ordered.
"People think there's nothing that can turn them away from someone. They think if they care enough, there's nothing that would push them back. But it's not true. I've seen people who care about me, trust me, with their very lives, look at me with fear. They tried to hide it, but they saw the monster and they were afraid."
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His eyes travel back down to the boot, and he starts to unlace it.
"It sounds like you don't have any reason to believe me. But some things you just know."
He pops off the other boot and sets it down before kicking off his own shoes.
"Now, you should feel honored. I haven't shared a bed with anyone since the last time I had sex. Which was far too long ago, don't ask. And if you throw up on me, I'll shove all the coffee out of an airlock."
And then he's grinning and shooing her to the other side of the bed.
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