Mirtul 18 1370 dr

[child_of_bhaal]

Who: Syeira and YOU
Broadcast: Nope
Action: Varric's bar on the Iskaulit mostly
When: Directly after the shuffle.



She has been checking on the roster listing nearly compulsively lately. Things have just been rough for her. Losses upon losses. Regaining Anders, only for her friend to not know her. It piles up on top of everything else.

Everything else being Sam falling into a sleep only to wake and nearly do something horrible to Cas. And she got to take a lovely swim in Sam's blood for that, a delightful bonus to her kill deprived self. And then Sam is hurt, again, on her watch. Cas fell into a sleep immediately after. She's been ill from the planet nearly all the time. Coil had a melt down. Arthur turned into a tiny teenager. And of course, Robin revealed to her she not only had a Calibration, but when he was in it, he saw her murder her own mother.

She had asked Robin not to shut her out again. That was the mistake. She'd admitted her fragility out loud where Atroma could over hear it. She'd told him she couldn't stand to lose any more friends. And now he's just gone. Removed, like so many others. And she quite simply cannot take one more bit of horrible without doing something about it. But there's nothing to fight. She's not going to trash her room. The thing that's left is rather obvious.

She goes to the Iskaulit, to the tavern that feels like one from home. She has a small pouch full of credits. She managed to pull out enough that the pouch weighs at least five pound. There's a hefty amount of money in it. This she takes directly to whoever is tending the bar, places it purposefully down on the counter, and gives them a dead serious, almost empty look.

"I would like to drink, until I physically cannot anymore, or the money runs out. Whichever comes first." And by the look of things, the money won't be what runs out first. "If it's the former, please feel free to keep whatever is left over for your troubles." Because she imagines it will be annoying to shove her out into the hall when she's fall down drunk.

And with that, she will start drinking. There's dedication in it, because she wants to obliterate everything in her head. Blot it all out until all that's left is alcohol poisoning.

[ooc: Feel free to tag her at any time during this. And please note, she did not notice Zhas has returned to the fleet, and I request that no one tells her. Thank you!]

Comments

Action this is late, but I don't care

[faithfulwisdom]

[It's not terribly long before Syeira has company. Finrod sits down beside her, setting his own drink on the table, and gives her a concerned look.]

It is better not to drink alone, my friend.

You're never late to my posts

[child_of_bhaal]

"What if alone is how you feel?" It's blunt, for Finrod. He knows her truth, even if he doesn't have the details of her latest reveal. Here's one of the safest people she has. So he gets bluntness.

[faithfulwisdom]

"All the more reason to seek out company. To let those who care for you alleviate that, if they can."

[child_of_bhaal]

Ah the price she pays for telling someone about her life. Especially someone so like herself. She can't even be annoyed, because if their positions were reversed, she'd be doing this exact thing. She lets out a long sigh, staring into her cup.

"You know my story, Finrod. There's nothing to be done." There's more to it than that, more than he knows. But it all circles back around to this basic problem. She's her father's daughter. "I appreciate the thought, even if my mood seems otherwise."

[faithfulwisdom]

"Ah, but there is. At the very least, I can sit here and make sure that there is someone to see you safely home at the end of the evening, if you are still determined to drink yourself senseless."

He settles back in the chair, making it quite plain that he's not going anywhere. "And I like to think I can be a fair distraction when one is needed. If you will not let me offer you comfort, perhaps you will let me take your mind elsewhere for a time? We could speak of anything you wish."

[child_of_bhaal]

"I am so determined." She couldn't send him away anyhow. Unhappy and self-pitying as she is right now, she is glad, inwardly, that he cares enough to want to keep her company.

"As distractions go, you're the fairest one I can think of, certainly." Oh. She said that out loud. She looks at her cup accusingly a moment and then moves on. She's too much in her mood to be embarrassed by that slip of the tongue."We could try small talk. The weather, your favorite color, that sort of thing seems safe."

[faithfulwisdom]

He will just pretend not to have heard that little comment. Really, it's nothing he finds terribly surprising or unusual and it doesn't trouble him in the least. The vain part of him might even be a little flattered. But it's something she clearly intended to keep to herself, and so he will act as if she did.

"I am rather fond of greens, personally- especially deep, rich, emerald greens." He gives a wry little smile. "Likely it does have something to do with emeralds. I will admit to the typical Noldorin love of beautiful gems. It is something of a cultural preoccupation."

[child_of_bhaal]

"Green is my favorite too." She sounds whistful, almost sad, about it. "Like trees and grass in summer. Live growing things."

She hates the endless nothing of space. The darkness, the cold, the sense of imprisonment.

"I grew up looking at trees, and wondering what they would feel like. I guess I've never stopped being enamored."

[faithfulwisdom]

"Nor should you. Even Lady Yavanna, She who loves and nurtures all things green and growing, has a special affection for trees. Or so the tales say."

There's a twinkle in his eye as speaks. He knows exactly what he's doing- tempting her with just the barest hint of a story and hoping she takes the bait.

[child_of_bhaal]

She sees what you're doing there, Finrod. It doesn't mean she won't take the bait.

"Your Lady Yavanna sounds like Rillifane Rallathil." Oh right. He won't know who that is. "He's theLeaf Lord, the elven deity of nature."

[faithfulwisdom]

"The resemblance is not without reason, then," he says, grinning, "But though the Valar are mighty, they are not truly gods in their own right. Rather, they were born from the mind of Eru, the One, in the beginning. They are the Ainur- the Holy Ones- who so loved Arda that they entered the world to shape it and give it order. In so doing, they and their powers were bound within Arda. That is why we speak of them simply as 'the Valar'- 'the Powers.'"

It's also why the Syeria's tale about the gods being sent to her world and the chaos it caused seemed very strange to Finrod. The idea of gods being nearer at hand and less powerful was absolutely counter-intuitive.

[child_of_bhaal]

"Sounds like gods, to me. What's the distinction?" It's actual curiosity, though dampened by her drinking. But it's clearly a prompt for him to go on.

[faithfulwisdom]

He gives a thoughtful little hum. "The chief difference, we would say- and, indeed, they themselves say- is that because they were each born of an aspect of Eru's mind, are each, in a way, a part of him, they are each limited in their knowledge and their vision.

They see much and know much- but they do not and cannot know all."

[child_of_bhaal]

"Hmmph." Is the response he gets for that explanation. It's the most polite thing she can say, since all she has aside from that is a rebuttal. But it's enough to let him know that she still doesn't see the difference, just not why she doesn't.

[faithfulwisdom]

He shrugs. "You do not see the difference, I know. You are far from alone in that. Even those of us who do not think of them as gods, hold them in a certain reverence. But I lived among them in my youth and I knew them also as teachers and as mentors."

[child_of_bhaal]

She shrugs a shoulder, and mulls over her thoughts on this a moment. When she speaks, it's looking at her cup and the liquid in it, and not at him.

"I should probably not talk about gods or the like with people. My views tend to be upsetting, and I'd rather not offend you." She knows she used to offend Adrasteius, even if he said she didn't, when she'd talk to him about faith, gods, religion in general. He was so sure about what he knew to be true, and she couldn't come close to seeing things from his perspective. Finrod wasn't as explosively passionate about the topic, but still could be offended if she kept on nay saying at him.

"I am very selfish in my desire to stay in all of your good graces." She means more than just about her opinions on divinity, and he knows more about her than most. He could probably infer that the statement goes deeper.

[faithfulwisdom]

"Is that so terribly selfish? It certainly doesn't seem such a great sin."

He shakes his head. "You should not worry so about offending me. It is more difficult than you seem to think, I assure you. And you are certainly not the first of my friends to have beliefs other than my own."

He leans back in his chair. "You must never hesitate to tell me that you think that I am wrong. I have learned much from such discussions."

[child_of_bhaal]

"What if you're not willing to sacrifice good opinion for the safety of others? I would think that a grievous sin."

She turns her head towards him, but didn't meet his gaze. "Isn't it wrong to omit vital information, when it could have rippling effects on everyone around you? Things unsaid could mean the difference between life and death, and is it not selfish to keep those secrets?"

[faithfulwisdom]

He traces the lip of his cup with his fingers, actually thinking. She may or may not remember this discussion in the morning, but either way, he isn't going to give her an easy, meaningless answer. He cares too much for that.

"Perhaps. I would think the degree of the offense dependent on a variety of factors. You say the safety of others may be at risk. How immediate is the danger?"

[child_of_bhaal]

"I don't know." She sighs, runs a hand through her hair. "Some days it feels closer than others."

[faithfulwisdom]

"To warn those at greatest risk would, I think, be the most honorable course of action." He answers slowly and thoughtfully. "And if that is what you choose to do, I will help you in any way I can. If it is not-" He shrugs. "- it is a fault, but there are few of us who may claim to be free of those. It will take a great deal more for you to lose my regard."