driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Katie and anyone!
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Vanquish
When: Today!

[So ever since a couple of weeks ago when she spent a couple nights off ship (for reasons she still hasn't explained), Katie has remained basically shut up in the personnel office instead of getting underfoot or sticking her nose out of the ship and making faces at the moon, a quieter shadow of herself. She's hiding. She also feels guilty for hiding, because she wasn't raised to hide, but she's at a complete loss of what to do about what, to her, is a critical and terrifying problem. What she'd really like to do is just tell an adult about what she saw, because that would be the simplest and wisest thing for any other child. There's something terrible. Make it go away. But with how much honesty would have to be involved she'd be a wreck on the floor within minutes.

There's a brief few days in there where her mind shies around the idea that she may have to kill someone on the Fleet. Which makes her shut down on multiple levels, because she's just a kid and kids shouldn't have to think about that, and it's a horrible act, and nobody would understand at all why she did it, and on a very base level she doesn't want to, she's not made that way. But not going through with it just means she's letting the problem roam free and he's hurting people just by existing. Any older fae would have dealt with this by now. Ignoring the problem is equally a terrible option.

So there's a third choice. She's just terrified of making that one, too. It's never ended well for anyone. Sam and her mother are testament to that.

In short, Katie is hiding because she can't make a choice and getting more and more frazzled and withdrawn because in not taking action she's letting things get worse and this suuucks--

Sometimes it might be nice just to be, in fact, a little girl.]

---------

[By the second week she starts making dolls. Simplistic blue yarn dolls at the base. It's just something to do with her hands and mind at first. Then she makes one in which her blue wool is dipped sporadically into black ink as she makes it, so the doll looks rather like it got thrown in a tar puddle when she's done. She attaches five or six pieces of loose, spattered wool to its shoulders, closes her eyes, and blows gently on its darkened face.

Don't ask why she does creepy things.

Then she stares at her little collection, swallows... and goes to watch Princess Bride instead. It's video courage! (Which small children have to make do with instead of liquid courage.) Which leads to this post on the network twenty minutes in, very grumpily:]

[Video]

If we're in space and everything's so very future and all, why don't we even have television? [Petulant, pale child alert. Please ignore the spattered bits of ink on her chin.] Aren't we allowed to watch alien TV?

...I don't suppose anyone can make a TV with magic, can they? I don't think you should have to watch movies on this thing. [She taps the screen and accidentally turns it off. OH WELL. Question stands.

...but now that it's off, after a few minutes there comes an addition in text:]

[Text]

If it would make everything better, would you do something terrible so that nobody else had to?

[Hopefully, that part's anonymous. Right?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

they thought me a witch, a demon, an unnatural creature.
many use blood in my realm, but i use it beyond what others might. i do not fear the consequences.
i do as is necessary.

there's nothing wrong with being a witch, even if you aren't one

[You sound kinda witchy. Though Katie doesn't mind, especially as this is now distracting her from her other thoughts.]

unless you're the kind of witch with a gingerbread house that eats children but stories are mean to witches I think the people who make them just don't like that people can do things they can't does it hurt a lot?

i did not say there was. only what people thought of me.

i do not eat children, nor do i listen to stories.

it only hurts as much as you allow it to.
how much you use it.

are you from my world?

[After a moment, she clarifies because gj Katie--]

earth?

no.
i am from alvanja.

that's a pretty name I suppose people are afraid of their own shadows no matter where you're from

people are afraid of many things.
it is overcoming that fear that makes someone strong.

[...]

So if I want to be strong I shouldn't be afraid?

if you want to be strong then know your fears.
if you know what you are afraid of then no one can use it to harm you.

that doesn't make sense if I'm scared of spiders I know I'm scared of spiders it won't stop people throwing them at me

knowing you are afraid of the spiders means that you can learn not to be.
you can control your own fear.
you can be your own master.

[Oh....

...hmm.]

How do you do it? Not be afraid of something so important

you remember that you are stronger than all other things.
nothing can harm you if you remember that you will overcome all obstacles.

[That's... pretty encouraging, actually.

If it gets right down to it, Katie's more afraid of not being understood. If she can play tag with the devil for six days straight, she can manage this. The difference is choice.]

Thank you. I'll remember.

[ Lauralae isn't particularly prone to being supportive, but at least her brutal honesty can come in useful at times. ]

good.
it is a useful thing to keep at hand.