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(no subject)

Who: Erik, Charles, Hank and Raven
Broadcast: nah
Action: the Blameless. warning for injury treatment, probably.
When: June 7th, shortly after this

[This is the second time in the span of seven days that Erik has had to pilot a shuttle while his vision isn't a hundred percent. It's almost a pattern, he thinks blearily to himself. Different causes, though. As the shuttle docks with the Blameless, he can't help but blow out a breath.

First step done. Now to get out.]

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I don't think I have the legs for it.

[ He shifts, trying to get comfortable and an pained hiss escapes his lips. He stops trying. ]

I made all the rules, didn't I?

You have the hair for it.

[ Raven reaches out, gently, and begins to move and adjust pillows. Her bedside manner might need some work, but she knows how to do this - and she's careful, not wanting to jostle or hurt him too much. ]

Most of your rules were very sensible. That's why I hated them.

Too sensible for my own good.

[ He flashes her a grateful smile. ] I'm surprised you haven't asked about the otter.

Just a little bit. But that's what I was there for.

[ She moves, shifting so that her back is against the wall beside him, more so she can see him than anything else. ]

I figured if you wanted me to know you'd tell me eventually.

Raven, I want you to know everything. I sincerely do, but I don't want it to come from me dismissing your problems with my own experiences.

[ He breaks off, looking at the ceiling. ] There was a game in the library long ago. Each of the teams were pitted against the others and the deal was to convince our . . . benevolent overlords that we deserved to live. Their minds . . . were black and sickening.

So one person from each team went up to make their cast. I went up to defend my team.

[ He stops. ] I went up to make our case. And I did so, knowing I was condemning other people to die. And they did die. Painfully. Slowly.

And this form was given to me as a gift. For winning.

Edited 2016-06-12 10:44 (UTC)

[ The first sentence is enough to make something inside of her shatter. Isn't that exactly what she had said to Erik? That she wanted to learn about Charles, but the only time she ever got the opportunity was when he was trying to empathise with her, but it just ended up feeling like a competition? The fact that he knows and understands it means something to her, especially after years of thinking that he was ignorant and blind to what she was feeling. ]

It's not much of a victory, is it.

[ Slowly, Raven lies down and she settles, careful not to nudge or push Charles too much. She needs to be close to him right now, and this - what she's going to talk about - isn't easy for her. Instead, she reaches out and brushes her fingers against his face, her thumb pressing into his eyebrow gently before she draws her hand back. ]

I went and talked to Erik. About this, the library and all the things that you've been through that I don't understand. I don't know details because I didn't want them, not from him, but... I know what I need to do, Charles. I know that if I want to understand, that if I want to come to terms with all these things I'm ignorant to then I'm going to have to ask and I'm going to have to listen. They're not really my strengths anymore, but I'm going to try.

[ Shifting, she touches her forehead to his shoulder, eyes closing. ]

I've been alone for a long time. I think I've forgotten how to be around the people I love.

[ He brushes her hair back, like he used to. The bruises on his knuckles and skin are dark and purple. Everything hurt, but having Raven close was too much for him. He couldn't turn away. ]

There's so much that it's difficult to pick one event. You do have to ask, Raven. Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to begin.

[ With the worst? The best? When they were all together as a fractured family, but still together? Charles wonders if she'll ask of Raven in Fawn, how bad it got that one time --

He'd have to, eventually. But that event still stops his breathing. ]

If it helps - I'm equally bad with the people I love.

[ His families, his broken, lost, distant families that he loved so strongly until he remembers how they were murdered by people who were family too. ]

But I don't think forgetting is the end of us.

I don't know what to ask, Charles. I don't know anything, and that's the problem. I'm walking in blind and trying to find the right words and it really doesn't work like that.

[ But she's quick to tsk him, to lean up and try and urge him to keep still even if she likes the attention. It's been a long time, after all, a very long time, but she relishes it. She relishes being with Charles and she basks in the comfort of her brother, especially now that she can take care of him; a gentle role reversal that makes all of this slightly easier to bear. ]

I'm still afraid. I spent so many years chasing down what happened to people I loved and it was all that mattered. Finding the truth about Azazel and Angel, knowing what happened to Sean, every single one of them... That's what I had to do. Now I don't have anything to do and it's driving me crazy.

[ Her head rests against him, and her eyes close tight, so tight it could hurt, enough to force her body into shifting scales over and over and over. ]

I miss them, Charles, and I missed you and Hank, but I'm trying. I wish it was faster, but... I don't know how to do that.

[ He exhales softly. ] Neither do I.

[ There was just so much. He could transfer it to her, using his powers but he recoils from that possibility. There was just so much brutality. Charles never had as many wounds as Erik. Everything that stuck with him was internal. Allies who turned on him, killed him, killed his family. His family who couldn't handle him, handle what he was. And all that while, he had to navigate the past with Erik, trying to decide whether it was worth being together.

It was. It always was. ]

I can try talking about it, little by little. [ He breathes out. His chest hurt. ] It shouldn't be too hard.

There are things I need to tell you, too.

[ Things that she's talked to Hank about, put herself on the line, and she moves, shifting her head up and resting, eyes closed. This is a moment, she thinks, one of those moments that can change everything, and she welcomes it because she's afraid not to. She's afraid of what it might mean for her not to accept it. ]

We can't do it now. You've got broken ribs and your mind is a mess, Charles. We need to wait until you're better.

[ Still, a little shock can't hurt and, so - ]

I could tell you about me and Azazel instead.

[ Does this bomb has to be dropped now? Though, Charles is vaguely aware of it and processes it quietly. ]

I think I might have a . . . vague idea about that.

Everyone has a vague idea about that.

[ Raven shakes her head, pursing her lips before she speaks. ]

Hank's already made sure I'm aware of... Things.

In my defense, Kurt looks a little too much like . . . him. I didn't make any other connection until he told me.

[ But . . . that's interesting. ] I'm sorry.

There are some things I don't want to remember. They hurt too much.

[ The idea of Kurt - that is one thing she would gladly forget, to give up on false hope. ]

You don't have to apologise.

[ He can understand that. He exhales softly. ]

I should anyway.

You haven't done anything wrong.

[ Not lately, anyway. ]

I'm sorry you lost someone, Raven.

[ That's all. Though Charles has always been flagrant in his apologies, always ready with one in case he's overstepped himself. His feelings remain strong. ]

Oh.

[ She's been alone for so long that things like people being sorry for her losses and her pain feels... Different, and strange. She blinks it back and shakes her head, leaning up to give Charles the softest of kisses against his skin. ]

Thank you.

[ Carefully, unsure. ] Should I not have . . . ? I didn't mean to overstep or take it upon myself.

Charles. I -

[ She shakes her head, reaching to touch his hand, not pushing incase she knocks a bruise. ]

Ten years. It's been almost ten years since I was around anyone I care about. I'm used to being alone, so... I'm relearning things as well. You're fine.