driftfleet | ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ | you were strangely less in pain

Entry tags:

ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ | you were strangely less in pain

Who: Dezel and Sora
Broadcast: Nope!
Action: The planet, or else wherever Sora can be found.
When: Backdated slightly to July 25th

[action]

[Dezel has taken a little time to collect himself, to lick his wounds. Screaming at Zaveid while around other people was not the best decision he's made but that's how his anger is. It just... comes up. Dezel tries so hard to be cool and logical, but he's never been like that. There was a time when he was reckless and irresponsible and maybe a little bit like Sorey, but those years are gone, and he can barely remember them anyway. All that's left is the unending guilt and the hollow nagging of something that should be there.

But he can fill himself up with new memories. Zaveid had said as much and Dezel knows it to be true. He's made plenty of new memories with the Shepherd and his motley crew, and he's even made a few friends here, in the fleet, after he thought he would never be able to do so again. Part of him still thinks he should leave Sora be. If their friendship is toast, then maybe Sora can move on. Make better friends.

Except they're still on the same ship, and the planet won't be around forever, and it doesn't seem fair for Dezel to dump his pain on Sora and then exit his life entirely.

So Dezel returns to the planet not long after he said he would avoid it. He has no reason to, now; his problems with Zaveid have been resolved, and he's sure they'll leave the system soon. All the more reason to be free as a bird while he can. But he's not here for a short flight, he's here with a covered box full of tiramisu and he sure as fuck isn't leaving until he finds Sora.

It takes him a while. Dezel follows the wind around and around, used to its whims by now, until he can sense where the boy has been. That narrows it down, and within half an hour of noon, Dezel finds Sora. He doesn't approach immediately. He thinks he should probably think of what to say before barging in, but the words don't come-- they never do.

He walks slowly, deliberately, so that Sora can hear him coming.]

... Hey.

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[ Unsurprisingly, Sora can be found on the beach. A secluded strip of sand, plants and rocks that were away from any people. He's been sitting in the sand for awhile, staring out at the serene ocean in front of him as he tried to calm his own feelings.]

[From the splinter wood laying around in his vicinity and nearby plants seem to be bending towards the ground now, as if gravity itself increased? It can be surmise that it took some time to calm himself.]

[He hears Dezel approach, but he makes no movement in reaction. He'll speak when Dezel does though. He tries to make it joking, but he honestly sounds more tired and sad than anything else]

Hey, I thought you were gonna stay off-planet.

I got over it.

[Which isn't entirely untrue, but it sounds pretty nonchalant when Dezel delivers it so dryly. Like he died and got better.

Also true.

Dezel hates how sand gets everywhere, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't spend a lot of time at a beach similar to this one. There's something about the wind rolling off the wide open sea that begs for him to be there. The wind here is still wild and reeling after roughing up the waves; it's not the same after it's filtered through miles of trees and grasses.

Still holding the box, he looks down at Sora.]

... Sorry for upsetting you.

... Is it true?

[He'll slowly look up at Dezel through the bangs of his hair, still not moving from that spot]

What you said to that other guy. About being...

[Dezel meets his gaze as best he can. He sets the box down on a rock beside them, then plops down in the sand with one knee pulled close.]

Yeah. Every word.

[Sora should've never found out. And he wouldn't have, if Dezel had a filter on his goddamn mouth.]

I've made my peace with it. It was my fault, after all.

[Like before, Sora has trouble comprehending the words. How could Dezel be dead? He was sitting right there in front of him. That's not at all what happened when people died, outside of ghost stories you tell kids.]

[Yet here he was. Sitting next to him, insisting that he's really dead. Was it something Atroma did or...? But what about...]

So...when you leave, you'll...

[It's hard to say the words. Heck, how nonchalant Dezel is being about it makes it all the more difficult. I've made peace with it? What kind of talk was that?]

[He nods, and reaches up to tuck his hat down a little further. He doesn't want Sora to see his expression but his frown is visible anyway, and undeniable, and terrible.]

Now is all I have. [His voice grows a little softer. It's rough at the edges as if unaccustomed to such gentleness, but Sora knows better.] I didn't want you to find out. I figured you'd just stress out about it.

[Dezel wasn't wrong in that, at least.]

I made a mess of things, as usual.

You...

[Okay, this is a lot to unpack emotionally. There's sadness at the idea that Dezel would...die, if he leaves this place. That just like people disappeared from the crew sometimes, Dezel could disappear and be gone forever. He didn't want that, it hurt just thinking about it.]

[But then comes the part where Dezel said he didn't want him to find out. That he was planning on leaving Sora in the dark about it all. That he could leave, and Sora would have no idea what happened to someone he considered a dear friend.]

[Maybe Dezel had meant well, but to a kid who has spent the past year and a half being in the dark about his friends and family? It really doesn't come off well.]

[And let's face it, anger has always been an emotion easier to deal with right off the bat, so he'll let that rise in him.]

You...you...!

[Sora raises up a hand and hits him in the shoulder in an angry fashion. Luckily, the kid can't exactly hit that hard]

Were you just gonna lie to me this whole time?!

[Dezel feels the anger before Sora gives voice to it. It calls to him on the wind, and he braces himself, expecting something else to blow up. But it doesn't come. Instead he's being beat up, which is actually a great way for him to listen. Sora, who never raised his voice against anyone-- let alone a fist-- is hitting him.

Maybe it doesn't hurt like getting punched by Zaveid did, but it hurts for another reason entirely. His own irritation rises. Maybe coming out here was a bad idea.]

Why not? You're obviously upset! And now you're looking at me like everyone else, like--

[Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.

He touches his hat again, trying to draw some measure of strength from it. When he speaks again, his voice almost, almost quivers at the edges.]

... I don't need you feeling sad for me, all right? I can't do that. I can't handle it.

Too bad, Dezel! People feel sad when someone they knows dies! That's just part of having a heart!

[Sure, it'd be nice if his own feelings didn't often result in things...exploding, but Charles made it very clear that refusing himself to have feelings was not the way to go about controlling that]

But you can't just lie to me so everything stays nice! That just makes things worse!

[He swallows a little and looks away. His tone sounds less angry now, and more sad.] If you had left, I...wouldn't have known what happened to you. And...I already feel that about too many people as it is.

[Somehow, he's not expecting Sora of all people to scream TOO BAD at his face. That... takes a lot of guts. Beneath everything-- the confusion, the irritation, the worry-- there is a little bit of familial affection, and it grows. He stares openly at Sora for what feels like a minute, which is really very impressive because he's making zero eye contact, but the sentiment is the same.

Dezel screwed up, not by hiding this from Sora in the first place, but because Sora's been through this before.]

... Ah.

[He's so stupid. So damned stupid. He never should've made friends at all. He never should have... but it's too late now, and he likes the kid, and he can't just turn his back on a friend. That's not the way Dezel is. Gods know he already did that once and he's paying for it.

Even when he tries not to hurt anyone, Dezel can't help but bring pain everywhere he goes.]

... You're right. I should have told you. I got close, but... [He chickened out at the last second.] I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Edited 2016-07-29 07:40 (UTC)

Yeah, you should've.

[He's not gonna deny that one for you Dezel, but there's less bite in his words as the anger is starting to burn it's course. Sora wasn't an angry person at heart, after all, it was hard to keep the blaze going for very long- especially when his own heart felt so heavy with other feelings.]

[He wipes his own eyes with the back of his hand, still trying not to look at Dezel. He half mutters to himself]

At least my powers aren't going off anymore.

[Dezel notices then that Sora is crying, or it sounds like it, and trying to hide it. He considers, then takes off his hat and plunks it down on Sora's mess of hair. If Sora looks, Dezel is also pointedly not making eye contact.]

... Listen. I'm not... the kind of person you should hang around. I never said I was. So if you think that I'm not worth the trouble, you're right. You can leave and never look back if that's what you want.

[He swallows thickly.]

But if you think you can stick around a little longer... I want to try something.

I want to be the kind of friend you've been to me.

[The hat lands on his hair with a "plop" and slides down his head until the spikes stop it. It catches him by enough surprise that he looks up, sniffing as he adjusts the hat with one hand so it's not covering his eyes]

Huh...?

The kind of friend I've been to you?

Yeah.

[Dezel pulls his other leg close and dusts the sand off his knee.]

You've always helped me, even when you didn't understand what was going on. You talked to me, you checked on me. You never questioned me once.

[The wind kicks up around them, and he takes in a deep breath. He knows he's empty, but he wants to fill himself up with something besides hate. That's what he's decided. He needs to do that if he wants to return-- if he wants to answer for all the things he did.]

You deserve better, Sora.

[When the wind picks up, he holds onto the brim of the hat before it flies off his head. He looks over at Dezel, pausing before he speaks]

I...question a few times.

[He definitely did that a few times. But he can see what Dezel is getting at.]

I don't know about what I deserve, but you did that stuff too, Dezel. In your own way. It's just what friends do.

[Sure, Sora asked why but he never outright refused him. It's something Dezel has always taken in stride. Calling him out on being a friend, though-- that's a good way to get him to clear his throat and look away again.]

Sora...

[So predictable. And the way Dezel wants to apologize? Also predictable.]

I'm sorry.

[So predictable. There's another pause, before he reaches up and puts a hand on Dezel's shoulder.]

Hey, c'mon.

[Apologies are nice, but it's pretty clear that Dezel is beating himself up more than Sora actually thinks is necessary. The guy clearly didn't have that great of an opinion of himself.]

Look. I dunno if it's the same with Seraphim, maybe it is, but when a human gets really bad news? Sometimes they need some time to...just be sad. Or maybe even mad. It's just how we are.

But it doesn't mean it won't get better. And I know it doesn't mean we're gonna stop being friends. Or that you don't deserve my friendship because you messed up. Real friendship's much stronger than that.

Edited 2016-08-01 00:14 (UTC)

[He blinks openly as Sora places a hand on his shoulder, not expecting the contact at all. He doesn't shrug it off, though.]

Then you're not going to leave?

[... Of course Sora wouldn't give up on him. He's just a little too much like Sorey and his pals to do that.

He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and he bows his head.]

I really am an idiot.

[I don't have the slightest notion how you could see similarities between Sorey and Sora they are completely different gosh]

No, of course I'm not. We're friends.

[He gives Dezel a pat on the back of the shoulder before he pulls his hand away]

Did you really think I would?

[Dezel doesn't say anything for a long moment. He feels that question almost doesn't deserve an answer. He's embarrassed, and yeah, he's hopeless.]

I wouldn't have blamed you.

[The next part is quieter, a little more vulnerable.]

People around me always get hurt. It's... some power I have.

Edited 2016-08-01 05:58 (UTC)

[Some...power? Sora's not real sure what he means by that. If anything, in his time that he's known Dezel, it's been Sora's powers that've caused more trouble if anything. This beach was proof of that]

Hmmm...

[He moves to start digging through his short pockets. A moment later, he pulls out what seems to be some sort of charm. Five seashells from this world's beaches, tied together by string into the shape of the star. He holds out the charm to Dezel.]

Here, take this.

[Dezel hesitates. He's not sure what he's being handed, and the wind isn't being very useful. Some kind of... charm? He takes it in his hands carefully, delicately, and realizes it has the same power behind it as an offering. He can feel it.]

... Did you make this?

Uh, yeah. Back home, sailors would make lucky charms outta Thalassa shells to ensure a safe voyage. I thought since traveling through space is kinda like a voyage at sea...

[He reaches up and adjusts the hat on his head again, slightly nervously]

I couldn't find Thalassa shells exactly, so I had to make do. And Kairi was always way better at making these things than I ever was so I dunno if it'll be that lucky, but...

...Well, even just a little extra luck can't hurt, right?

Edited 2016-08-01 06:48 (UTC)

[Sora goes on about the legend involved with making charms, and Dezel is distracted by how nervous he is. Like Dezel is going to reject it or something. Never. This is an offering, all of the second one he's ever had (if one counts the little pinwheel in the faith center), and it's precious.

Dezel smiles, really smiles, and it feels like the sun basking on his shoulders, like his heart is a little lighter for doing it.]

I'll take good care of it.

[A pause, and he reaches to the box he set aside. The charm goes right into his jacket.]

Actually, I brought you something.

[Okay wow...Dezel is actually really smiling. That is a rare sight indeed, and even if Sora still feels down? It still makes him smile a little in return.]

Good! It took me awhile to find enough shells.

[He's got no doubt Dezel will look after it. If the hat was any indication? Dezel treasures the things he has]

You did?

[Dezel gently unlatches the box, revealing some kind of tiramisu dusted with cocoa powder and smelling heavenly.]

I had some stuff laying around.

[So casually.]

It's tiramisu. I don't know if you've had it before.

[Holy shit Dezel. That casual remark gets a snort]

Yeah, sure you did.

[Maybe if you lived in the Sugar Rush game he'd believe you but nah]

I haven't. Looks good! What is it?

[DON'T CALL HIM OUT ON BEING NICE!!!! THEN YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING.

Regardless, Dezel launches into an explanation easily.]

It's a special kind of cake made by soaking sponge cake in coffee, then layering it with chocolate and cream. [He hands Sora the box.] ... Don't eat it all at once.

[He'll take the box and grins]

Hey, I won't! I'm not a pig! [Okay he might've done it if Dezel hadn't said otherwise, but still!]

But...thanks. I'll eat it when I can't get sand on it. [Since sand from the beach getting in the food would probably be gross]

[knowingly:] It can be tempting if you've never had it before.

[Sand doesn't taste good, it's true. He reaches over to take his hat back, but he makes sure to ruffle Sora's hair afterward.]

You might see Zaveid around-- the guy I was yelling at. Don't rip his head off, all right? The whole thing is my fault.

[The hair immediately poofs and spikes back up as Dezel ruffles it. So much for Sora ever having normal looking hair man]

[And right. Zaveid. That guy] Okay. Are you guys still fighting?

[It's okay, Dezel's is forever flat as a pancake.]

No. [He can't help a sigh.] I think we-- used to be friends. But I forgot him, along with everything else.

[Not like that'll hit home for Sora or anything!!!!]

[It's okay, his canon point is about 3 days off from finding out that sucky truth bomb]

You...forgot?

Like...everything?

[Oh, good. Phew. We can continue without another round of things exploding.

Dezel's voice grows quiet, and he actually seems uncomfortable. He keeps fidgeting with his gloves.]

Just about. If the memories were irrelevant to my goal, I forgot them. That's how I've lived for the past five years.

...Yikes.

No wonder you're so grouchy.

[Dezel twitches, and if you look closely, he appears to be embarrassed by this.]

T-that's got nothing to do with it!

How would you know?

[YOU DON'T REMEMBER BEYOTCH. But he pats him on the shoulder]

But that's okay. Just means we can either try to get those memories back, or form new ones!

[He huffs but he doesn't argue. It's true that he's grouchier than he used to be, but it's because he lost everything dear to him. And it's true that memories are a part of it, but he never regretted losing them until recently.]

I know they're still there. I just... [There's a feeling of trepidation when he tries to remember, followed by a massive headache.] ... have to be patient, I guess. [Ugh. Not his strong suit.]

I'm fine with the memories I've made. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Edited 2016-08-08 03:00 (UTC)

Yeah...maybe they'll come to you when you're not thinking about 'em! Sometimes remembering things work like that.

[Like remembering where you put your wallet! ]

Well that's good. I like the memories I've made with you too.

[-- It's a little more complicated than that, Sora.]

Maybe.

[Dezel isn't sure how to respond to being called out on liking people, so he just changes the subject.]

... I should get going.

Edited 2016-08-08 03:42 (UTC)

[Look he's a simple kid, ok. You go to him for simple answers.]

Uh...okay.

[Maybe he needs to go tsun somewhere...]

I'll head back to the ship in a bit.

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ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ | you were strangely less in pain

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SCREAMS OH GOD DEZEL DON'T SMILE ITS SCARY

dezel is the sequel to jaws 6 that no one ever wanted

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