driftfleet | (no subject)

[he doesn't mind that she's nudging him out of his shell - it's something he knows he needs, after spending so much time building up its defenses. It's when it comes to the other things, the things that leave him grasping at words and unable to respond that the lingering guilt he has keeps him from being able to accept it. It isn't a matter of her not loving him; he knows she does, as much as he loves her. But does he deserve it? No matter how many times he's apologized or she's forgiven him, it's still there, just enough that it still makes him question everything.

He's working on it. He wants there to be a day where it isn't an issue. But until then, he hopes she'll be as patient with him as she has been all this time]

You should come along - I think he'd like to meet you. [he grins] I won't tell him it's your fault, though. Honestly, I want to see how he made it.

[because he's a giant nerd]

So - the usual things we've been picking up.

[ They're both carrying the burdens of things that they should and shouldn't have done, and it's something they're going to have to deal with - together. That's the important part, Raven thinks; whatever happens, from this point on, they're facing it together, as a couple. They could dance around and avoid things and just pretend they're not going to struggle with certain things every now and then, but it seems silly and foolish when it comes down to it. The truth is that they're stronger together, and that's important to remember.

It helps when she can look at Hank and see him smile and feel at ease and comfortable. ]

He's going to be just like Cisco, isn't he?

[ Not that all her boyfriend's friends are going to be nerdy, but...

Shaking her head, she grins, cupping his cheeks. ]

We won't know until we get there.

[it certainly won't be easy, not when he's so used to keeping things to himself. Because other people always came first, or because ten years of habit was still so hard to break. Most of the time, he didn't realize he was doing it anyway. And it isn't until he's at his breaking point that it even registers that yes, maybe he should talk about the things that are bothering him. Should.

But even then, Raven had seen that and knew exactly what to do. So maybe it would work out]

They're very alike. [all three of them are frighteningly similar] In a good way.

[honestly, they're the only two who he would consider "nerdy", somehow he's managed other friends outside of that.

How he's managed friends at all still sort of amazes him]

You should make a list of things you actually want to try to find. Though I don't mind picking up whatever catches our eye, either.

[ At least Raven knows, now, that she can watch him; she knows how Hank acts, how he behaves, and she knows when to check on him and make sure he's doing okay as well. She knows that, sometimes, it's hard, and that means he needs a gentle push - and while she's not used to being gentle, she could do it for him. Raven wants to be there for Hank, wants to support him, to cherish him, and love him, and that's what she intends to do. No one's going to take it away from her, and she's already decided on that.

It would work because she had decided it would have to. No other option. ]

I'm sure you all get along disgustingly. It's probably a good thing you've all found each other.

[ So they can talk and have fun together, of course, not for any other reason.

Humming absently, she shrugs a shoulder. ]

Can't I just put you on my list, since you catch my eye?

[it's just as Charles had said a few months ago, "She knows you". And she's proven it time and again, as though ten years hadn't kept them apart. While he hadn't changed that much it was still significant enough, and yet it seemed as though she'd discovered all of those changes and how to deal with them, and he had to be amazed by it. He still couldn't believe that she loved him, still loved him, despite everything.

what she says gives him pause. It's strange, having friends in general, but having ones who weren't mutants and were into the same things he was - it was new. It'd all happened so quickly he hadn't really thought much about it, and now here he was, with a number of good friends, just like that]

Yeah . . . yeah, I think so. We work well together.

[he stares at her for a moment, biting his lip in an effort not to laugh]

You can't pick me up.

[is his entirely serious answer]

[ Raven shifts forward, lifting her arms and wrapping her arms around Hank's neck, drawing him close again. He's warm and solid against her, and it's hard not to let her move closer, hard not to lean up and kiss him, and she feels lucky that she's allowed to do this. She's lucky that Hank loves her, that appreciates her, and she's lucky that she's able to settle in his arms like that, especially when she's teasing him, and she softens, tilting her head up to watch him.

She's happy, she thinks, that he has friends. She's working on that herself, bonding with people, even if it's a little awkward at first, and she knows that it's good for Hank. They were both alone for the last ten years, sure, but Hank had been alone with a Charles that was sad, and Raven thinks he should have this, be allowed to be out with friends. ]

You could take over the world if you wanted to.

[ But then she grins, lifting her hand and touching his cheek. ]

Is that a challenge?

[honestly, having friends in general is still a somewhat new concept to him. Normal friends, friends who weren't caught up in the same mess as he was, or friends who weren't on different teams in Kyriakos - he certainly didn't have those back home. He had Charles and, even now, that was more than he'd ever thought he would have. It was almost overwhelming in a way, to have more people in his life to care about.

Overwhelming and terrifying sometimes, because the more people he cared about, the more it would hurt when they would eventually leave.

He huffs a noise and grins, though, shaking his head at what she says]

I don't know about that.

[he tilts into her hand, nose wrinkling]

Absolutely not.

[ Admittedly, that is one of the reasons Raven has been a touch more reserved than the others have been when it comes to making friends and branching out; she's struggled enough with losing her family and regaining it and the idea of making friends here and losing them all completely is something that she can't quite cope with. She's lost so many people already that having them ripped from here again would shatter her, and even though she would have Hank and Charles and Erik to help her pick up the pieces... It would still hurt, would still break her heart all over again.

It's easier to focus on the good things, on the man in front of her, on teasing him and seeing his grin, on how he lights up when she talks to him. It's simple things but it makes her feel so much better and so much happier, at peace for the first time in a long time. ]

With your knowledge and the things you could build? Maybe.

[ But her expression is soft when she looks at him, despite the back and forth of their banter. ]

I'll save it for next time we spar.

[he wanted to be reserved about it, and hiding at first had been a part of that. But as always his plans never work as he wants them to, and here he was, a step away from losing someone or losing everyone if he was the one who went home. He didn't think about it too much, but with him and Winn trying to find ways to jump worlds and confirm or deny theories, it was on his mind more often than not lately.

That he's able to separate it into more logical thinking does help, but still - he's never been the best at keeping his feelings and his work separate. The serum was a great example of that.

He shakes his head at what she says, sombering just a little]

I'm not interested. I hear it doesn't go well for other versions of me.

[the Dark Beast, for one. If there was anything that would scare him out of trying, it was that knowledge that an evil version of him existed]

Next time, hm? You want to spar again?

[ It's quite strange, Raven thinks, to see how far they've come together. She can think back to the strangely innocent youths they'd been when they'd first met and when she compares them to the people they are now... It's different. It's a little harder to deal with, all that hindsight and nostalgia, but she thinks she manages, her heart in her throat even as she shoves it back down. She doesn't want to be that pure, innocent Raven anymore, but she doesn't want to give it up entirely. It's as if she's torn between her identities, and that's a ridiculous notion.

Instead, she focusses on her boyfriend, nodding her head - pensive before she speaks. ]

We'll stick to printing out photos for your girlfriend, then.

[ She doesn't want to think about what she's learned about herself either, and this makes it much easier for her. Tilting her head up, she softens, nodding. ]

Only if you think you can handle me.

[he feels the same way she does, though he's more than happy to give up what remains of who he used to be. There's some things that'll never change, he knows - but the things he's worked to change, to make himself a better person, a person who can handle the cruelties of their world without toppling underneath them. He knows that he's still trapped in the past at times, and he knows it'll still be a while before he can finally move on from everything, but - he's trying. But he knows not everything goes as he wants it to, and he falls back more on old habits far more often than he realizes.

He leans down to kiss her forehead at the pensive look]

That much I can do, I think.

[in the long run, it doesn't matter - they'll never become those people, so knowing as much as they do only serves to separate them further. Rather than Beast and Mystique, they were Hank and Raven]

I thought I proved I could handle you last time.