003. text + action.

[astrobleme]

[network.]

[Shinji isn't mincing words today:]

This is totally outrageous.

I got a ticket from the local police for going 'too fast,' even though it was only - only!!! - by an infinitesimal amount. Literally a couple zeroes after the decimal point right here. I'm not a great pilot, I'll just say that, but there's no way I should be getting ticketed for this freaking crap. [Freaking crap. That's how you know he's really annoyed.]

So the other pilots should be aware that these so-called police are more interested in filling quotas for speeding tickets instead of actually protecting people. Whatever.


[action, aboard various ships in the Fleet.]

[Shinji and his bad mood can be found on the Red Fish, standing outside Asuka's room; on the Vanquish, in search of Kaworu; and on the Heron, his home ship, where he's trying to nurse a bruised ego with the coffee maker in the kitchen.]

Comments

[astrobleme]

Jealous? [Shinji repeats incredulously. He makes it sound like a dirty secret.] But I'm the last person... to be jealous of, right... [It doesn't take too long for him to realize what Asuka is getting at; his eyes widen, forcing more tears to fall. He can't say he's terribly surprised, though. Only a matter of time before someone in the Fleet decided to pursue Asuka, or Kaworu. So apparently this asshole from her ship has a thing for her and tried to take it out on him...

That doesn't make Shinji feel any better. Maybe this particular asshole is more deserving than he is, justifying the rude and hurtful treatment. Maybe, maybe... He looks down at Asuka's hand on his thigh, where it's straying too close to the line between comfort and intimacy. Don't worry about anything, Shinji. Not anything. That's what she's telling him. She shouldn't be coddling him, but that's what he wants most. He wants someone to tell him that everything will be okay and he doesn't have to do anything. Just being himself is enough of a chore. But Asuka apparently likes him that way--flaws, foibles, and all. As long as she likes him, maybe things aren't that bad.

They haven't touched like this in a few weeks now. Not since that night he spent crying on her shoulder about his true identity.

Slowly, like dawn spreading on the ocean they'll never see again, he leans in close enough to kiss her. Because he can. Because he wants to, really. (Because that asshole has no claim over her.) It isn't an earth-shattering kiss, but it's perfectly genuine.]

[interstices]

[Shinji's lack of self-esteem usually appalls and disgusts her, because it's a mirror of her own. Right now, it doesn't. Right now she's glad they're long off that planet, because the way she feels about him is unreal. Always tearing people down, herself most of all, she's never wanted to lift anyone up but Shinji. And, awfully, it's only been just lately that she's realized that.]

[She's about to respond when his mouth meets hers. It's warm and reassuring and it makes her feel almost whole. Like together, everything would be all right. Asuka doesn't believe in that sort of stuff, but as long as Shinji's with her, as long as Shinji's hers, she wants to. God, does she want to. She kisses him back harder, maybe even a little desperately, pulling back after only a few seconds as if they did need to breathe.] I'd be jealous, [and she starts to almost-grin in a fragile sort of way, summoning up some old bravado like a broken bottle of wine,] I'm the best-looking girl here.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji's horrible red eyes fall shut after that kiss. Every time, literally, he's surprised with how something so small can mean so much to him. He'll never take a kiss for granted. Never in a million years... His tears trickle down to nothing. He's warm, somehow cramped with warmth, somewhere in the center of his chest. He's thankful for Asuka's undeserved patience.

His hand overlaps her own, fingers curling in, delicate like fronds on a fern.] Mmm... [And his eyes open again, but only halfway. They're more like rose petals now. A flowery forest clearing.] I guess you're not wrong, [he says quietly, shyly. Asuka is a beautiful girl. Asuka has always lingered at the back of his mind: the color of her hair, the sound of her voice. There's no escaping someone like her. She left footprints in the podzol of his heart.]

Does that mean... you choose me?

[A stupid question, he knows. But he has to be sure.]

[interstices]

[He's stopped crying. That's worth everything in this world. She doesn't mind confirming for him-- he should know already, but she doesn't mind at all. It's the kind of reassurance she needs sometimes, too, but almost always refuses.]

Yeah. I chose you a long time ago.

[His hand feels like it's meant to be against hers, like they fit together. It's always been that way, even when she was at her worst, most acrid. She only hesitates slightly before adding in an unasked for confession.] When we were kids. That's when I decided I wanted you.