[Video] [Public and Private]

[tallasaking]

To The Fleet

[Tyrion is looking a little ... frazzled today. He's as neat as always, but his expression sort of has the range of 'shit shit shit shit shit' on it. Still, he kept a very straight face and a pleasant tone as he speaks.] Just to let everyone know, Captain Furiosa appears to be ... missing. Altogether. I will be stepping up as First Mate with Captain duties until she returns.

[Please, please let her return soon. Tyrion was always leery of leadership positions. He preferred to be the voice behind the throne.]

So, any questions, problems, captain meetings that should be attended? Let me know.

[And end feed...]

Private to SS First Breath

Well. All right. I'm in charge. So ... keep doing what you were doing before. all right?

[He smiled tightly.] And we'll just keep on as always until she returns. Good. Status, ah, reports?

Comments

[tallasaking]

Well you aren't really a woman. [He paused for a moment, before he chuckled softly.] I mean, you're a woman but you're not a woman I can have so ... yes. Let's go ahead and change the subject, hm?

[passingthrough]

[She leans against the wall, not relaxing back on the bed or moving to leave completely.] Women aren't things to satisfy your urges. [Which comes out a little harsh. She actually does think better of Tyrion than that, but that's what her words felt like and why it made her uncomfortable. Or part of why at least.]

[tallasaking]

[He looks up at her, before he frowned deeply as he leans forward... nearly tipping off his chair.] Well, no. They are not. I would hope to bring urges to them as well. Mutual ... urging.

[A sigh, as he slumps back in a chair.] But I have a feeling you are talking about me settling down in some sort of monogamous relationship?

[passingthrough]

No. [Is it? No. It just felt dismissive of the woman to her.] If you both know and agree to... It's fine. [Getting full, clear thoughts out feels harder.]

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion gave her a long look, before he rubbed his hand with his face throughly. Everything was ... fuzzy, but this much was clear.]

Kitty, I know I'm an utter asshole, and my history with women? Not exactly the stuff that those epic poems should be written about. But ... I can assure you, after all I know, now, I will never force a woman to be with me, nor see her as anything but a ...a willing person who wants to bed a person like me.

[Marvelous. Apparently he was a morose sort of high person. Who babbled.]

[passingthrough]

[She sighs and sinks down to the floor where she was standing, back to the wall and looking up at him as she tries to gather her thoughts into something that makes sense. She feels torn between wanting to comfort him because she doesn't see him that way. He's a friend and a good one. A close one. She came here to comfort him for other things not give him new problems. And wanting to follow up on something he just said. She thinks back to their first time meeting in person where they basically exchanged life stories—the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was very open and honest and bonding. There was a story about Tysha. What had he said? He hurt her? He never said how did he? She knows she lived.]

After all you know now? You didn't before? ...Tysha?

[tallasaking]

[He shook his head a little, realizing that might not have been a great idea because his head was swimming.]

After Tysha. After I found the truth, after Shae had betrayed me for my father's bed ... [He sighed, heavily.] I do not want to be willfully ignorant again. Ever. Betrayal is ... hard to swallow when you realize you let yourself be betrayed.

[passingthrough]

But you never forced anyone? [She feels bad for even asking. It feels like a betrayal too. Her eyes don't meet his. The lids feel heavy as it is. But she feels like she needs to hear it clearly because nothing feels clear right now.]

[tallasaking]

Only once ... only on that day that my father had Tysha defiled -- he made me go last, if you recall.. [He is quiet then, before he spoke hoarsely, his eyes becoming wet. What was with this drug?] ... Never again. I swore it to myself. I only paid for it, after that, and I always made certain my women understood precisely what they were getting in turn. Until Shae and ... well. [His mouth twisted bitterly.] I never forced her either. I thought she loved me. I ... seem to always love the wrong people.

[passingthrough]

You...you weren't that specific. [Or if he was it was misunderstood at the time. She knew he was only thirteen and forced to hurt her though. It should have been easy enough to assume. But maybe thinking it could have been a beating instead was somehow enough to keep her from thinking too hard about it?

She curls her arms around her knees bringing them tighter to her chest. It feels like a long time passes before she manages words again.]

I don't know what to say.

[tallasaking]

[He frowned at her, his head bobbling a little, before his eyes widened. She ... hadn't known. Or at least, she had not understood his phrasing. He cursed the modern parlance once more, before he sighed and rubbed a hand across his face.]

You can call me whatever you like, Kitty. I can assure you that I have considered worse. Even moreso, after I learned the truth. I ... have considered ending my own life, in answer to my crime, but ... it's not enough. Only Tysha can decide my fate, when I find her again. It is the only just thing to do.

[passingthrough]

[She looks up this time, listening to the sincerity in his voice. Her eyes aren't full of judgment. They are just searching. Looking for a way back to her best friend. It's a dangerous sort of hunt. It's the kind of thing that kept her with Piotr even after he'd become someone dangerous even to her. It kept her returning to Tyki when she's heard the warnings. But she's been the girl with no one and nothing left, hunted, and scared. So she always clings a little closer now. Distrustful and attached.

But bad experiences don't mean that everyone will hurt her. She doesn't want to live in that reality either, never letting anyone get close. Never being able to forgive.]

What would he have done to you if you hadn't?

I am going to have to theorize on this one

[tallasaking]

[For a long moment, it is Tyrion who is silent. It is Tyrion who is making himself go back to that moment, that horrible moment after his father made him watch Tysha be raped before him. Reaching up to touch the back of his neck, he could almost feel the old fear of his father rising up ...

But Tywin Lannister was dead. That boy died that day, though...]

..He said he would have me beaten - have me beaten by every guardsmen there. Then he would go last, as I would go. 'Lannisters are always worth more' - he kept on saying that ... Bronn was right, I should have killed him then. I shouldn't have waited fifteen years.

[passingthrough]

[There is a part of her that wishes it had been more. That he thought it would save Tysha's life or even his own. But whose to say it wasn't likely the same. Beaten as he was at thirteen in a place without technologically advanced medical practices might have been the same thing. And ultimately anything she thinks here and now is going to be easier than anything he was going through in the moment. He was clearly raised by a monster and he's not one. He's a good man, tortured by this and she's asking him to bring it up to soothe her mind and he is without question or hesitation.]

Tyrion...

I'm sorry. [She draws a deep breath. Feeling like she should explain but the words hang thickly in her mind and difficult to reach.] What you said made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't expect it to get here. [Where he was hurting more than when she arrived.]

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion would have, if Kitty had been a spiteful sort of person to bring that it should have been worse, stated that these men wore gauntlets, that they would have used clubs, that he would have been crippled worse than he already was or would have died. That he had to be watched to make sure that he dropped his pants, that he did the deed ... that he had been limp the entire time. That he sobbed in his room, over the lie that she never loved him and over the truth of his crime.

Kitty wasn't spiteful, and Tyrion wasn't going to spit all the vitrol he had for his father over on her. So he shook his head.

You wanted to make sure I wasn't a monster. Now you know I am one, and what a sad little monster I am. [He looked at her, straight on, his expression grim.] What I have fought against to become, for fifteen years, because the bigger monster was always my father.

[passingthrough]

[She scoots over to him because at the moment it makes more sense to her than standing and walking the few steps to where he sits. When she reaches him she leans the side of her head against his knee.] You're not a monster.

[tallasaking]

[He sighs, for a moment, before he put his hand on the side of her hair.] No, perhaps I am worse. Perhaps I was a coward for too many years.

[passingthrough]

[She closes her eyes, staying put for now.] Because you didn't stop your father sooner?

[tallasaking]

[He nods his head grimly.] I should have killed him when I was thirteen. Even if I wasn't so damned weak.

[passingthrough]

[She opens her heavy-feeling eyes and looks up at him.] Hey. [She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, wanting to get this right.] You were a kid. He was your father. You did it when you were ready. Don't be mad at yourself for giving life a chance even if it didn't end well.

[tallasaking]

[He looks down at her, and then pats her head awkwardly but with affection.] Can I have regret, or is that something I have to hold out on as well?

[passingthrough]

...You can feel anything you feel. Even things I told you that you shouldn't feel. [She tucks her chin on his knee.]

[tallasaking]

...Now that, Kitty, covers an entire category of sins that I do not want to get near. [It isn't much, but he is smiling a little bit. He's fuzzy, no lie, but he's not going to walk down this road. Even as he strokes her cheek gently.]

[passingthrough]

[She jerks back at that touch. It feels a little too intimate and she's not sure if it bothers her more that it happened or that it took her a moment to realize it shouldn't.] Umm... I'm hungry. We should get snacks. [Getting to her feet. What he said and did probably didn't mean what she thought they might mean anyway, right? It's not like she's entirely clear here right now. Getting a snack and a walk is just a good idea and if it means not being alone with him in his room that's just an extra.]

[tallasaking]

[He leaned back as she jerked back, and then cleared his throat.] Yes, yes, I think that would be the best idea.