driftfleet | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Everyone messed up by the dragon plot, and visitors
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Blue Fish's clinic!
When: All throughout the Solrius dragon plot and through the space flight to the next destination.

[So several RPG characters, a dragon, and two messianic figures walk into a planet.

Everything is suffering and tears, there's a lot of dead people, there's no punchline. But, hey, for the survivors, the Blue Fish's clinic is treating wounds and generally being a decent place to rest and recover and pray you don't see a dragon again. And for those who weren't involved, there's enough people bedridden here that there may just be someone you want to visit.]

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[Sorey is so sweet and so guilty. Dezel almost can't stand it. That said, he did miss the little box that Sorey gave him to tide him over between planets, so he's happy to reach out and take it.]

You didn't have to.

[He could be brusque and the usual, but Sorey doesn't need that right now. He's lost his other half. Dezel still hasn't processed it yet. He can't imagine Mikleo not being there-- can't imagine Sorey without the water seraph at his side. Sorey is going to need... a lot of help, and Dezel thinks he's the worst choice for that, but Sorey needs him still. He's gonna need all of them.

He sets the box on the bedside table and looks at Sorey seriously.]

I'm not mad; you don't have to make it up to me. [He lowers his voice so only Sorey can hear, and reaches out to set a hand on the former Shepherd's shoulder.]

Listen. I'm not going to coddle you, Sorey. I'm not going to tell you that you had no part in this because you don't need lies and empty reassurances. They'll only make you feel worse. [His silver eyes are visible from this angle, and they're surprisingly gentle, considering all the scratches and such around them.] But I will tell you this: you're alive. As long as you're alive, you're still able to do something. You can make sure this never happens again-- to you. To anyone else.

[Finally, his hand shifts to Sorey's hair, and he musses it up. Gently, though.]

Just something to think about.

[Mikleo always scoffed at the romance literature Sorey liked. Said the things were 'unrealistic' and 'had no perception of what life is actually like.' But all Sorey can remember from them now is one novel where a hunter had lost her lover and she likened the feeling to missing a vital limb.

That's what it feels like. Trying to stand without your legs.

Dezel giving it to him straight is actually more appreciated than he knows. Sorey treasures all the support he's received, but when you know you're to blame and you can't stand the thought of accepting one more word of kindness, having someone lay it out for you like that is...a comfort. A solid, real comfort.

Dezel's hand slips through his hair and Sorey bows his head into it, lacing his hands between his knees tightly. The advice feels too big. He's still trying to remember how to breathe without Mikleo reminding him to; the idea of grasping something so large, something like I'll never let this happen again (and wasn't that what he hold himself when Mason died, when Dezel died?) is just preposterous.]

...I'll think about it.

[He has so much to think about. Too much. He'll never manage to keep it all inside of his head.

Sorey gropes for a book.] I don't know if you have enough wind here to read...I brought some books but if you can't make them out, I don't mind reading them to you. [Please let me.]

Do it later. Right now, it's still too hard to process anything. [He tilts his head in a subtle, fond manner.] I know.

[He's been through this. Sorey isn't going down the path of revenge, but Dezel wonders if he'd be in the same spot had he remembered that Lafarga and Brad dying were his fault. He certainly had that reaction when the memories came back. It's my fault. I can't do this alone. I can't do anything. Sometimes he still struggles with those thoughts, but he doesn't want to worry Sorey with that.

Sora told Dezel to help him, so he's going to.

Sorey fumbles for a book and Dezel finally realizes what his intent is. He pauses, surprised enough to pull his hand away from Sorey's messy hair.]

You brought these for me?

[Oh, Sorey.]

I can't read these. It's a little easier if there's pictures, but... [He shifts on the bed, trying to prop himself up on his elbows. It hurts to do, but he wants to sit up for Sorey's sake-- to make him feel less like he turned Dezel into an invalid.]

Is there one you like?

[Dezel look you are wounded in the hospital so it's actually ok if you can't do some stuff for yourself, in this situation. Reading notwithstanding.

Unfortunately, most of Sorey's books are academic texts or romance novels, so. Boring. And usually lacking pictures, except there's....]

I haven't read this one, [Sorey confesses, which probably says a lot considering how he'll voraciously devour books the second he lays his grubby hands on them.] A Comparative History Between Sapient and Sub-Sapient Species Within the Bereginus System. Long title. I think the author was some kind of professor, so that explains that. [Professors always use long titles. But as for the reason why he hasn't read it...] It- it was in Mikleo's library. We usually share books but he must not-

[Stops and presses a hand to the cover.] We just didn't end up having time to look at everything. I think this is one he bought on the station. [Which means it must be full of really interesting comparisons, or he wouldn't have bothered going to the trouble of purchasing it without having Sorey do it for him to make the transaction easier.] I don't know if it'll bore you, but it'll be new to both of us at least.

[Dezel doesn't actually mind if it's boring. He's never been particularly academic, but even a blind man can see that it's more about the bonding than the reading material. His expression softens just slightly when Sorey mentions it belonged to Mikleo; the kid is obviously, understandably still having difficulty, and the reminder of their growing distance probably doesn't help things either.

He relaxes back against the bed and rests his hands over his stomach.]

Then you can read that one. [A pause.] Besides, it's about animals. We could both stand to learn something.

It's weird to think that you have a lot to learn about animals... [But he'll crack it open anyway, skip the preface when he'd usually enjoy reading all the background info on the research and gets right into the meat of the book.

Because he knows it's not just so Dezel isn't bored. It's not just because he wants to feel like he's assisting with Dezel's recovery when it's his fault he's so hurt in the first place. It's two people, two friends sitting together, seeking comfort in each other's company as they both miss terribly the most important people in their lives.]

[He snorts at that.] How the hell am I supposed to know anything about animals from another galaxy?

[He quiets down when Sorey cracks open the book, though. For all his bluster, Dezel really does like spending time with the kid. Even if said kid clawed the shit out of his face once. Dezel knows how hellions are; he knows it wasn't really him, just some fascimile of Sorey twisted beyond recognition.

It could have been any of them. Dezel knows how precarious his personal situation is.

He's a good patient now that Sorey's here, mostly... though sometimes Dezel sends the slightest breeze to ruffle his hair, especially if Sorey hesitates at parts.]

[Dezel being kind in that prickly sort of way of his is something of a group secret. Nobody points it out because it makes him distant at best, angry at worst, but they all know. Sorey still remembers the secretive smiles they'd shoot at each other whenever Dezel pointed something out to them, or indulged Lailah in her fortune-telling or showed Mikleo a new technique. He likes to pretend he's too damaged or too consumed with his past to care about other people, but it's pretty obvious to everyone around him that whatever his wounds, he uses the pain of them as fuel to better the lives of the people around him.

Cursed? Yeah right. Being in pain isn't the same as being cursed. And if Sorey started falling because of that, well, that's his own damn fault for overestimating himself. He knew he shouldn't have delved too deep, and Lailah would've scolded him for it. Hell, Mikleo would've gotten on his case, if he'd known. Sorey should've told him...

The third time he stops on a sentence (Mikleo would've thought that was so interesting) and a breeze tickles his hair again, Sorey sneaks a glance up at Dezel's face.]

...you don't have to be so worried about me. I'll...I'll be all right. Mikleo said I would be, and he knows [knew] me best, so...

[It's true that Dezel is a being in pain, but that doesn't mean he isn't cursed. His blessing truly is a terrible thing; whether it's because it works too well or because it twists everything he wants into some horrible malevolent wave, his blessing has certainly brought misfortune down on people.

These past few days have only proven his point, but there is some blame to be shared if everyone is right. It isn't just Dezel's curse that did this. It was a multitude of things. Taking all the blame on himself isn't fair, apparently, so he won't let Sorey take it all on himself either. To that end, he's going to be here for as long as possible, as long as Atroma will let him. Sorey needs friends right now-- especially ones who won't sugarcoat things.

Dezel's eyes are closed as he listens, though there's a twitch of his lip as Sorey calls him out on worrying.]

I'm not worried. [He totally is.] You're strong.

[Sorey stares down at the pages, not really seeing the words so much as the ink and the paper. He rubs a thumb against the page as he thinks and maybe it's because he knows Dezel won't be gentle with him, not like Lailah is, not like even Zaveid is sometimes, that he feels okay talking about this.]

I think...I was too arrogant. [Which sounds silly to say, but arrogance comes in so many flavors. It's not always bluff and bluster, it's not always bending a world to your will or entitlement. Arrogance is an inherently human trait, that almost always leads to downfall. Arrogance is nothing like the pride born of humility.] I overestimated myself. I'm- I'm a human. I'm just as capable of malevolent acts as any other human.

Yeah, I can see that.

[It's a mild remark. Sorey seems like the last kind of person to be arrogant, but Dezel can see exactly where they all went wrong. They've talked about it, a little.]

You never thought it could happen to you. It wasn't a conscious thing. You're harder on yourself than you are everyone else, so you forgot that you're a human with human problems. [His lips pull down around sharky teeth.] So while you were sending me off to talk to Mikleo about seraph problems, what you really should've been doing was talking to a human about human ones.

We're all guilty of it, Sorey. We thought it couldn't happen either, so we left you alone despite the signs.

Well. [Sorey shrugs a shoulder. He can't really blame them for leaving him alone when he purposefully isolated himself to be left alone. It's like cursing the rain for falling. To say that he'd forgotten he was human is an understatement; sometimes he wonders if humanity is something you inherit or something you develop. More often than not his ideals, his morals, his goals feel more seraph than human, but after this...] ...I have a lot of thinking to do.

And I'm s- [Stops, traces a few lines in the book with his fingers before clearing his throat.] -thank you. For listening.

Yeah. We all do.

[Sorey doesn't need to be coddled. He knows full well what happens when he's coddled-- they all do. So instead, Dezel just gives him acceptance, acknowledgment, forgiveness. Maybe some advice, if he wants it. Sorey isn't the only one whose selfishness caused someone to die.

Dezel's mouth curls into something suspiciously like a smile.]

I'm blind, not deaf.

I'm trying to be more grateful than guilty, [Sorey admits, though it's pretty obvious by his tone that he doesn't believe it yet. It's a hard transition to make, especially so soon. He obviously got lectured by someone.]

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