driftfleet | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: Everyone messed up by the dragon plot, and visitors
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Blue Fish's clinic!
When: All throughout the Solrius dragon plot and through the space flight to the next destination.

[So several RPG characters, a dragon, and two messianic figures walk into a planet.

Everything is suffering and tears, there's a lot of dead people, there's no punchline. But, hey, for the survivors, the Blue Fish's clinic is treating wounds and generally being a decent place to rest and recover and pray you don't see a dragon again. And for those who weren't involved, there's enough people bedridden here that there may just be someone you want to visit.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No problem.

[He motions for them to move towards Allen's office - or well, what's a broom closet turned office. Before they go in, he reaches into one of the drawers and pulls out a cold tray of paper cups. Wiggling apple jell-o are in each and every one of them.]

I'd meant to give you these like months ago, back when you said you couldn't have gels all the time, but... now seemed as good of a time as any.

[Takes one with murmured thanks, though he doesn't eat it yet. He's just. Nnngh.] Stefan, you said you had some things to tell me?

Right. [He sets the tray aside, leaning on the wall as he tries to find the proper words...] So back when I first became a vampire, I uh, I didn't have a great go of it. Without really going into details, I hurt one of my good friends pretty badly [okay, he fed on her to the point of her needing a blood transfusion], and if I hadn't had other people to pull me back...

[He takes a breath. Still weird to talk about, even if it's been over three years.]

What I'm trying to say is that you're not alone. I won't talk about it if you don't want to - and I really do appreciate all that you're doing - but I'm always here.

Ah. [Sorey fiddles with the cup in his hands, picking at the edges. He stares down at their knees before glancing back up.]

Stefan, you...you said you became a vampire around your twenty-second birthday, right? Was it- was it against your will?

Y-yeah. [He nods, fiddling with his daylight ring as if it's a security blanket. Even though he really doesn't want to talk about this, he manages to keep steady eye contact, because well - this is important.]

My friend Remi, she was a vampire, and uh - if you have a vampire's blood in your system when you die, you transition. Most of us - er, most vampires don't really ask to become one. It just happens.

['If' you have it 'when' you die. The implication being Stefan had died, whether by illness or accident or something more sinister.

Sorey's expression pinches and he leans forward, reaching out to rest a hand on Stefan's arm. It's clear that he's uncomfortable talking about it, but here he is anyway, pushing himself for Sorey's sake.]

Thank you for telling me, [Sorey squeezes his arm before letting go and leaning back, picking up the cup again to stare into it. He really should eat something, and Stefan went to all this trouble.] It must've been hard to experience.

[Twice, actually - and becoming a vampire all over again was even worse the second time around, because he didn't have the memories of the first round. There's a lot Stefan would've done differently, but hindsight is 20/20.

Sorey's sympathy (empathy?) helps. Stefan's expression's a little less pained now.]

You're welcome. [he means it too.] I can't ever say I wanted this life, but now that I'm stuck with it.... Better to make the most of it.

I guess there aren't a lot of options available to you after a thing like that. [Sorey squeezes the edges of the cup to knock the jello loose before tipping it into his mouth.]

...ah. It's good, Stefan. [It almost tastes like candy, all cold and sweet.

Sorey sniffs, pursing his lips together as the jello melts in his mouth and then sniffs again when his eyes prickle and his nose starts to run. Oh no. He'd just thought- the first time he'd tasted something like this was when-

Sorey ducks his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, hiding his eyes as they begin to well up.] S-sorry, [he chokes out,] sorry, I'm okay, I just- just a sec, I-...

[Shit.

That's right, the idea for apple flavored jello didn't come out of nowhere: Sorey said that Mikleo had... Mikleo had... Even now, it doesn't feel right thinking of the kid. It doesn't feel right invoking his name, even if the memory had prompted him to work on jello and whip up a fresh batch just for Sorey.

There's a moment of hesitation before he rushes over and places a hand on his friend's shoulder.]

It's okay. It's - [He doesn't care anymore if this is the wrong thing to do or if he should hold back, but he reaches out and squeezes Sorey's hand tightly. As softly as he can manage:] It brought back a memory, didn't it?

[The second Stefan's hand curls over his, Sorey turns his own to grip Stefan's fingers just as tight.]

It- Whenever I-I forgot to eat, Mikleo- [Sorey's voice breaks and he can go no further. He bows until his head knocks against Stefan's shoulder and sobs, unable even to apologize.]

[Stefan leans forward, resting his other arm around Sorey and gently holding onto him as long as he can. Y'Allah, why did this have to happen? Stefan's throat grows dry as he listens to those sobs - he wants to say something, anything that would make him feel better. Problem is, those magic words don't exist.]

Akhi... [His voice's no more than a murmur, but there's quiet strength behind each syllable.] You don't... you don't have to apologize with me.

[It doesn't feel right, finding comfort in another person after what he did, but Sorey can at least recognize those feelings for what they are and muscle past them. He needs this. And Stefan is worried, and offering him support; to refuse just for the sake of punishing himself would be the height of conceit.

Sorey grips Stefan's shirt with his free hand and let's his sobs taper off on their own. Stefan's already forgiven him. He should stop apologizing and accept his feelings already.]

What- uhm, [Sorey draws back and sniffs hard, pulling his shirt collar up to wipe at his face.] What does akhi mean...?

Oh, um... [Stefan can feel his cheeks growing red. At some point, he knew he'd have to acknowledge the weight of the nickname, but he hadn't expected it to happen now.] In my native language, it means "brother."

[His shoulders droop, as he braces himself for the worst. Only one other person was his akhi, and honestly, thinking of his actual brother makes Stefan that much more homesick. Maybe it was wrong to blatantly refer to Sorey as such, but Stefan was running on instinct.

As far as he's concerned, Sorey is a kid brother in all but blood.]

If you're uh, if you're not okay with that, I can figure something else out.

Edited (poking at dialogue, sorry ;;) 2016-10-19 04:21 (UTC)

[what the heck man he JUST stopped crying]

No, no- It. [Sorey sniffs again and grabs Stefan's hand squeezing just as much for Stefan as for himself. He doesn't know what else to say, how he can convey what that kind of support means to him; he has no words that fit, even with an entire library of ancient words in his head. All he can do is clutch Stefan's hand tight.] Thank you.

[Stefan lets out a small huff of relief as he feels Sorey's touch. Sometimes, an action can convey more than a thousand words. This, to Stefan, feels like one of them.]

You're welcome.

[He pauses for a couple of seconds, because honestly, he's a little afraid Sorey'll cry again and he doesn't think his shirt can handle another round (note to Allen: tissues would be nice).]

You've always been there for me. It... it just seemed fitting.

Ahaha, [just uses his shirt collar to wipe his eyes nbd,] if hanging out with you because I like your company is always being there for you, then you definitely went above and beyond that for me.

[Now Stefan's dangerously close to crying - but of happiness this time.]

Well, yeah. It's been a while since someone's accepted me. All of me.

Oh, Stefan. [Sorey sniffs again, hard, and this time when he leans forward he opens his arms to pull Stefan into them, resting his chin on Stefan's shoulder.] Who in the world could refuse to accept you?

[He accepts, finally allowing himself those tears. Dangit, he was supposed to be the one comforting Sorey here...]

Plenty of people. Stupid people, [he clarifies, as if that makes a difference] but look, they don't matter.

It's hard to change the hearts of the unwilling, [Sorey agrees, rubbing Stefan's back. He can hear Stefan's voice thickening with tears so he clutches him a little harder, sure he can absolutely handle it.] Don't worry. I don't think many people here would have a single unkind word to say about you.

Thanks. You know the same goes for you, right?

[Stefan takes another breath, pulling back so he can look at Sorey. God, his eyes are so bloodshot by now, but he had intended to comfort his akhi and he was gonna stick to that.]

You can't change what you've done, but you can move forward and I promise, as long as I'm here? You've got me too.

[Sorey rubs at his nose, still clinging a little to Stefan's sleeve.] ...I know. I'm- I'm not worried about what other people may say so much as I'm worried about...my thoughts.

Malevolence comes in part from a denial of the self, so if I can't come to terms with- with what I- [Mikleo, Mikleo, Mikleo...

Sorey clutches harder.] I don't want to lose the others. I-I can't be responsible for any more of- I was supposed to be their safe harbor, Stefan.

[Oh. Oh, this is hitting way too close to home.]

You still are. But part of being a safe harbor is knowing when to switch on the lighthouse. Let your friends know where dangerous waters are. [He bites on his lip, because he wants to sigh and he - he can't, he can't talk about this like he's experienced it, because it'll make his denial that much more real.] We've all done things we're not proud of.

I've done so much crap I'm not proud of. That's normal, and I can't say it'll ever go away, but... if you reach out, and let others share your thoughts, it gets easier.

I-I know. [That's at least the good part, that Sorey knows his silence and efforts to hide it were what caused a huge part of this. And while he's not sure how he'll ever overcome the shame of it, he at least knows what he has to do to keep it from happening again. He does now, anyway. He just has to remember it.

Sorey squeezes Stefan's arm again before finally letting go and drawing back to himself.] ...thank you. Really, I mean it. I don't...I don't feel like I deserve your support or understanding right now, but I think in the future I might feel differently. And- and thank you, for. [His cheeks go a little red.] I'm sorry. I don't have something to call you in return that means as much.

[At least he knows now. It'll be easier to remember with time, hopefully - and honestly, Stefan should be taking his own advice to heart.]

You're welcome. You don't have to call me anything, either - if you find something that works, you will, and if you don't? Well, you could always call me akhi too.

[If it's not too hard for the kid to pronounce. Stefan half wonders if he should've gone with the Italian form or maybe even asked what brother means in some of those ancient languages they've uncovered. As much as he adores his native tongue, he knows that it can be a mouthful..]