driftfleet | voice. a quick sad post.

Who: Sam Winchester
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: Red Fish
When: after a sad shuffle :C

[Sam's very much subdued the day that Dean vanishes. If he reacts more viscerally to it, to knowing that this Dean was returning to his inevitable death at Sam and satan's own hands, nobody'd know it — he closes himself up in his room, keeps himself distant for a little while. It helps, because it also gets him away from those damned echoes that have begun to snowball. He's tried his best to ignore them, and with Dean suddenly gone... he doesn't trust himself to be anything but stressed at the sight.

Anyway. Um. Best to move forward, right...? Get back into things. Working at the bar keeps his mind busy, as does helping with the garden, and there's also helping with the weird messages from the planet, and — dammit, Sam, get back into things. Fake it 'til you make it. This too shall pass, if you pretend hard enough that you're fine. So he breathes in deep, breathes out, and addresses the fleet.]

My brother, Dean, um. Dean Winchester's left the fleet. I wasn't sure how many people knew him, but...

[A pause.]

Anyone want to talk? I could use something to keep me occupied. Your choice of topic, just shoot. I can be a pretty good listener, too.

[Help me get out of this funk, huh.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Yeah. I can't disagree with you there.

[Random information works for him, kiddo, by all means...!]

.... You think he was being literal when he called them Immortal?

[PRIORITIES.]

I don't believe he could have known exactly how immortal his love would be—it hasn't perished with him. But that's the way love is supposed to be, don't you think?

[His voice is like honey and milk; maybe he just started talking to Sam about the first thing that came to mind, but it's clear from his warm tone that he enjoys the topic.

Uh, however...]

The actual Beloved, though? I think even being loved so much couldn't keep that person's body alive forever. Just the memory and mystery.

I think so, yeah.

[He grins.]

But I mean... humans aren't immortal, but maybe she was something else. A vamp? An angel? Some kind of immortal sea siren, even? The possibilities are probably endless, when you think about it, but one thing I know — most supernatural creatures are more than capable of loving someone.

[Cas loved them, and they loved Cas, right? Garth was a werewolf, but he had a family he loved deeply. Benny was willing to give up so much for Dean, now in retrospect... Amy sacrificed her mother because she didn't want Sam to die. And whatever Meg felt for Cas, it wasn't demonic in the end.

It's all — complicated. He's learned that, even with his nurture-born prejudices.]

[For the long stretch of a moment after Sam's suggestions, Kaworu gives quiet pause, and then finally breathes out a considerate hum: Hmm. He's taking this quite seriously, of course.]

Most people wouldn't fall in love with an Angel, [he says, sounding stronger than he feels,] and I have never known the other creatures to be anything more than Lilin fairy tales.

[He smiles a bit.]

Hey, I have an angel friend who would be easy to love.

[Sam you're sounding very romantic about your friend, okay. But it's true; someone falling in love with Cas or vice versa wouldn't be shocking.]

But I guess our worlds are probably way different. I've met too many kinds of people out there to say either way. I've, um. I've loved people who aren't... strictly human, myself.

[Madison, Ruby, Amy... It's really just unfair, his weird life. Madison and Amy had hurt, but he hadn't been madly in love — for Amy, it was... a childhood fondness, a debt and a kiss. Madison had been a bad one. Just after Jessica, and she was gone so quickly, after so much hope she'd be okay. And Ruby... Well. Ruby. He had loved her a hell of a lot. Her betrayal was crushing.

These are all things he rarely ever brings up; with Dean, it's not really a good topic of conversation. For a number of reasons.]

I think Angels are very easy to love, [in a fashion, and despite his participation in the genocide of them... anyway,] but in general, Lilin is frightened of them. That's the only sort of Angel I know. One that frightens Men.

[It's easier to say than it is to feel in the heart, but Kaworu's usually good at sounding pleasant. But he takes a breath, almost like a concession.

...]

The heart is astounding. A man can tell you what you shouldn't love, but even if you relay that message to your heart, it won't listen to you. It's fierce that way.

Angels can be pretty frightening, it's true.

[He was tortured for many decades by two of the most powerful ones, anyway. He knows by all accounts he should shrink away at even the thought, not even putting into mind what happened between him and Gadreel. Or others, like Zachariah.]

... But a lot of them can be good.

That's one good thing about this place, though. Different species, walks of life, all of that. Back home, a lot of non-human entities are... not so good. Not so easy to get along with. But here... I've learned a while back I can't go by my home's rules, not exactly.

Yes, they can be good. Or they try very hard to be. At least in the case of those I have known. [He's quiet when he says this, and he sounds tender; and there's no strain in his voice to indicate the great restraint he's placing upon himself. Kaworu is way too good at smothering his actual feelings with placidity and pleasantries. So nothing seems amiss when he murmurs,] I would never have thought to speak with a person who holds your opinion of Angels. Although we come from very different circumstances, as you say.

[He smiles, a bit wistful. He misses Cas a lot.]

Well, it took some time. The angels in my world didn't like me, when I first met them. They've... done some pretty terrible things. Even the ones who ended up my friends. But, um. It's always possible to become something better than your past, I think.

[Kaworu sighs like half of a faint laugh. It's more from pure pleasure than anything like amusement. Gently:] You are very wise, and you have a very beautiful heart. The way your feelings come across—I am touched.

[He's totally unashamed in making declarations like that, of course. Anyway...]

Things do take some time, of course. But that isn't bad. During that time, growth happens. Although I feel certain there is some sort of Angel who would like you from the start.

[Lucky him this is a voice feed, or he'd probably be blushing.

Any kind of genuine and positive comment towards his person is difficult for him. He huffs a laugh.]

Maybe. There was one I think about sometimes... He was a really good guy. Really great. He stayed with a human family — took the place of a father and a husband for them, when the last guy was terrible to them.

[It's a sad story.

Sam's terrified of checking in on that family. Terrified to see what became of them after that angel had been killed for nothing.]

Then it sounds as though he loved them, and his love fed that goodness. [...] Do you think...

[Kaworu isn't sure how obvious he's being or is about to be, but... at least in this instance, it's not important. To be vague and cryptic is his specialty, and he generally clams up about his family and his endeavors, but—he wants to become something better than his past, as well. That's what he's been trying to do for a very long time. And growth doesn't happen without knowledge, or without hope.]

An Angel who might really love humans—do you think they could coexist? In your experience, must it be one or the other?

[Sam's had a few suspicions, Mr. Kaworu. You don't coexist with angels and other supernatural beings for as long as he has without a little intuition. He may not be the best choice of someone who sits alongside all supernatural creatures — he's a hunter, after all, and he keeps people safe above all else — but he knows a thing or two about feeling unable to mesh with humanity, even as a human himself.]

It's sappy, but — honestly?

If you love humans... If an Angel loves humans, anything's possible.

I mean, there's that fear, that something won't love you back... but if there's one thing I know about humanity, it's that we're pretty creative in who we're willing to love and stand beside.

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