driftfleet | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Heron crew + visitors
Broadcast: no
Action: the SS Heron
When: November

[Those spooky scary skeletons are back in the cupboard for another year, but the ship cruises onward. Whether the crew is taking a break from the planetary mystery and waystations, or just generally hanging around the ship mingling, the Heron is here for you.]

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[ Charles blinks, his hand almost going up to his forehead before he drops it awkwardly. ]

I . . . was afraid that everything changed. That it had been on me for believing that it wouldn't.

[Erik knows that kind of feeling intimately. He still hates himself for believing things would be all right in Poland, with his family. For hoping. "Don't worry. Everything will be all right," he'd told Magda, arm around her shoulders as they watched Nina playing in the yard with her 'friends'. Foolishness.

He's quiet when he replies, though he stays standing next to Charles rather than sit back down.]

You had no reason to believe otherwise, back then. ...Neither of us did. [It's the Fleet he means, because they both know what happened without those memories in 1973.] The things that did change were... significant.

[Even if feelings like love remained the same, the prism around them had altered, changing the view of it. Other things took over, became bigger priorities. Like a kaleidoscope, the truth of the thing distorted, turning into another picture.]

Ten years before, we went through something similar.

[ After all, back then, it had only been Cuba looming over their heads. Similar vows. They had overcome it then. ]

The changes are significant. But I don't want to change - change this.

[They had forgotten then too. Those memories from the library evaporated like steam, leaving them only with mysterious scars that should have prompted more questions. But those memories had been given back, along with others. To have it happen yet again is twisted in the extreme.

Erik turns the rings on his fingers, expending some fretful energy.]

I don't either. But it's... not easy for me to think about. [Even now it caught him mostly unawares, and he's had only furtive thoughts before then, quickly chased away by guilt and other dark feelings. He looks up again.] I remembered the dream, though. That nightmare.

[ Charles shakes his head. He wouldn't - and didn't expect Erik to think about it. Not this soon. It was Charles' hill to climb and he thought he had made steps to rectify that. Or perhaps it's not something he can fully reconcile on his own, no matter what he tells himself.

He had asked Erik that question because everything that they had been . . . was cast in doubt. Some of those had faded, though Charles will wait and see how long it lasts. I never left he had yelled at Erik, the hysteria colouring his voice. He never leaves. Maybe it's time that he did that. Or at least made some decisions instead of waiting and hoping. ]

No. And it wouldn't be. But I also meant what I said. That there are things I want and . . . I'll try my best to get them on my own terms. This isn't an ultimatum - or an ending.

But I want to wake up in the morning and know someone's there instead of hoping they will be.

[He smiles a bit, a crooked turn of the lips.]

You deserve that.

[The smile fades, and he shakes his head slightly.]

I want to be a part of your life, your home. Whatever that may be.

You are.

[ But Charles isn't going to wait for more. For things to change. ]

[And ultimately, it isn't Erik's right to expect that. He wouldn't, and he doesn't. He places his hand on top of Charles's lightly.]

And you're part of mine.

[ Charles blinks the film from his eyes as he smiles. ]

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