Erik Lehnsherr (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
exothermia) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-11-04 07:57 pm
exothermia) wrote in driftfleet2016-11-04 07:57 pm
Entry tags:
[Closed]
Who: Erik, Charles and Raven
Broadcast: N/A
Action: a birthday on the Iskaulit
When: November 3rd
It was some time in the early morning, between fits of sleep, that Erik realised he was fifty-three. He had known it was coming for days, in the back of his mind, but it strikes him suddenly when he wakes from another unremembered dream and knows it must be nearly morning. The knowledge sinks into him like a stone, having broken the surface just as suddenly. It doesn't take long for the grief and loneliness to seize his heart again, always waiting for a moment to strike. He curls up under his blanket in the dark and wills himself to be silent, unseen.
His last birthday had been a happier affair. They were never grand or exuberant, but he didn't need or want them to be. Having a family to celebrate with was gift enough to Erik's mind. He vividly remembers the paper party hats Nina had made for the three of them to wear, the breakfast Magda had served up before he had to go to work. It was shocking to think he'd almost become used to it, after those initial few years where he hadn't been the most receptive to Magda's insistence that they do something. Even just a dinner.
Now he was to have his birthday in outer space, far from Earth and where his family lay beneath it. It was hardly worth acknowledging... just like all the years before they'd entered his life. His broken heart begs to differ, though, so he has to give it its due.
After a while, he wipes his face and gets up. Charles wants to spend time with him today, so he sets about having an early shower and shave (down to faint stubble, at the least). Another couple of hours listening to the terrible music the communicators have on offer, in the company of his fluff slug, was enough to settle his turbulent feelings into something manageable.
By the time Charles knocks on his door and they head to the Iskaulit, he's put himself back together.
Broadcast: N/A
Action: a birthday on the Iskaulit
When: November 3rd
It was some time in the early morning, between fits of sleep, that Erik realised he was fifty-three. He had known it was coming for days, in the back of his mind, but it strikes him suddenly when he wakes from another unremembered dream and knows it must be nearly morning. The knowledge sinks into him like a stone, having broken the surface just as suddenly. It doesn't take long for the grief and loneliness to seize his heart again, always waiting for a moment to strike. He curls up under his blanket in the dark and wills himself to be silent, unseen.
His last birthday had been a happier affair. They were never grand or exuberant, but he didn't need or want them to be. Having a family to celebrate with was gift enough to Erik's mind. He vividly remembers the paper party hats Nina had made for the three of them to wear, the breakfast Magda had served up before he had to go to work. It was shocking to think he'd almost become used to it, after those initial few years where he hadn't been the most receptive to Magda's insistence that they do something. Even just a dinner.
Now he was to have his birthday in outer space, far from Earth and where his family lay beneath it. It was hardly worth acknowledging... just like all the years before they'd entered his life. His broken heart begs to differ, though, so he has to give it its due.
After a while, he wipes his face and gets up. Charles wants to spend time with him today, so he sets about having an early shower and shave (down to faint stubble, at the least). Another couple of hours listening to the terrible music the communicators have on offer, in the company of his fluff slug, was enough to settle his turbulent feelings into something manageable.
By the time Charles knocks on his door and they head to the Iskaulit, he's put himself back together.
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Great. I might even win this time.
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I look forward to a real challenge then.
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[He knows it's strange no matter which day it is, but in this moment it feels especially surreal. To be in space, with friends, and have it acknowledged despite all the things going on around them. He wouldn't have expected it a few months ago. Then again, his expectations have never tallied with reality.]
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It shouldn't be.
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[Because Charles had had one here as well, months (and years) ago.]
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[ But his tone is gentle. ]
Is that the part you found strange?
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It's part of it. But I've never been used to them.
[It's a slight exaggeration. He knows that once upon a time, when he was a boy, birthdays wouldn't have struck him as out of the ordinary. But he doesn't remember those days very well, when he remembers them at all. The years with Magda and Nina are fresher, yet carried the same sense of strangeness every time they came out to wish him a happy birthday. It all served to hold a mirror up to what he considered the usual way of things - no acknowledgement, from himself or anyone else.]
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Every once in a while, it's good to celebrate the day of birth.
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[A huge chunk of his life had been empty of affection or relationships. Even if he marked the day himself, it had been quietly, on his own. He hadn't even rightly known how many birthdays he had while he was in the Pentagon cell until he saw a newspaper upon coming out. It had never struck him as particularly lamentable until Magda demanded, after a year of knowing him, to know when the date was.]
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Once in a while then. Just to remember.
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[He's not blind to the good times; it what makes the rest of it all the more painful. It hasn't gone unnoticed that this is the first time he's even been in a position to celebrate a birthday with Charles and Raven. Of course, Raven had been with him in the Brotherhood in November 1962, when he turned thirty-one. But he had said nothing then, to any of them, more focused on the fight they took to the world every day.
For all that he demanded the world's attention once upon a time, he's never been good at having it on him when it comes to times like this.]
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That's true, you did.
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Not now, though. Right now there's greenery, and cake, and someone dear to him.]
It's strange. But it's not bad.
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"Not bad" is a high marker of approval.
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So he doesn't. But just for a moment, he reaches out with his free hand and squeezes Charles's shoulder, physicality having to stand in for words.]
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I'll bring the chess kit to the gardens sometime. It'll be a nicer location than my room.
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Sounds good.