sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ✮ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ ᴀᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
uprightness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2017-01-01 06:41 pm
uprightness) wrote in driftfleet2017-01-01 06:41 pm
ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )
Who: steve rogers circa civil war + you, yes you
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january
[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.
it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.
Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.
And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.
He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.
It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january
[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.
it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.
Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.
And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.
He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.
It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]
no subject
Somehow the fact he knows too now doesn't lighten her burden.]
In that case... [She catches his wrist and pulls his hand to her gently, inspecting the back of his hand.] I could buy you a drink.
no subject
[ he reminds her but it's said with a wayward smile of a sort. Only two days ago he did indeed get drunk on the lab-induced alcohol Winn got him. It was an easy sort of feeling. A new year, good friends, a kiss at midnight.
he turns his hand, entwines his fingers in hers. ]
Hey.
[ he feels as if he's seeing her anew or else, that he finally understands. ]
no subject
But she can do that other ways too. She squeezes his hand gently. If there was ever any doubt that she's still got his back, that they're still friends, she wants to expel it.]
You remember all of it?
no subject
[ and how can they know, really? Some things might be missing; though it doesn't feel like it can get any worse than it already is. ]
The Accords, the airport, Tony - we're all criminals.
[ her, too, he assumes. ]
You, too, helping me like you did.
[ and no, there's no helping it, he steps closer, wraps her in his arms, a tight, long embrace. ]
I remember London.
[ quiet, whispered into her hair. ]
Thank you.
no subject
You okay? I didn't want to tell you when you didn't remember, and with Peggy here...
no subject
[ he knows that, understands that, now. she had shielded him for as long as she could have and it means a lot. it means the world, really. ]
I'll be okay.
[ maybe in a few weeks. ]
I'm keeping busy.
no subject
She's still here, Steve. Just remember that.
[She sighs.]
And so am I. If you ever need anyone to listen, or for company. Whatever happened, that's not changing.
no subject
[ he rubs a hand over his eyes. ]
She can't remember anything, I feel as if I remember too much.
no subject
[Natasha's lips tighten. She doesn't know what they did with Wanda or Clint, but she can guess what they'd have considered necessary. Especially in Wanda's case.]
We all lived through it once. We'll handle it again.
At least here, we actually have each other to help with it.
no subject
[ quietly. that's really the worst part of it all. there is no room for apologizing, no time to make it right. The timing is not a coincidence, either, he suspects. all these memories at the same time Tony is taken away from them. ]
It's the one thing I needed to make right.
no subject
[She shakes her head.]
I don't think either of you are actually ready for that. For now... just give it time.
no subject
[ time. he half worries a conversation between him and tony will only happen at home whenever they run out of time and the world would be in danger. it's not a good situation to be in - it worries him more than a bit. ]
I didn't want him to go back home feeling this way.
no subject
[She can't even say Tony was wrong about how Steve would react.]
But Tony needs that time too. He's got a lot to process. There are some things that just don't fix.
no subject
[ the Atroma probably find this all to be an interesting experiment or a good way to attract ratings. Just that thought makes him want to punch something again. not a wise instinct as his knuckles are already bloody as it is. ]
no subject
[They have to deal with what they have in front of them.]
One thing at a time.
no subject
[ in the end, there's only this for an honest-to-god truth. he doesn't seem to be able to keep still, pacing from the punching bag to her and back again. ]
I used to think I got it all together but now, [ a sigh, both restless and exhausted ] I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
no subject
Unsure what to say, she'll catch him when he comes back her way, one hand on his arm comfortingly.]
Sometimes there's not much to do. There's nothing you're supposed to do. You just have to let things be uncomfortable for a while, until the opportunity change something comes up.
no subject
[ it's like a curse of a sort, get too comfortable the world will shift again, moving the floor beneath his feet, turning around until he's confused and uncertain again, left to pick up the pieces.
the avengers are disbanded, tony and him at odds, Peggy's gone. ]
no subject
And that had been before Bucky got pulled into the mix.]
Stability is nice, but it only goes so far.
no subject
[ but there's something else, something that has to be said, that has to be let out before the air is a bit clearer and the burdens a shade lighter, before they can start putting the pieces together. he reaches for her hand, holds it firmly in his and, ]
I'm sorry. Nat, I'm -
[ he shakes his head, adds. ]
for everything.
no subject
I know. It's okay.
[Natasha's already had the time. She's processed it, found her perspective.]
We're still friends. Nothing changes that.