ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )

[uprightness]

Who: steve rogers circa civil war + you, yes you
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january



[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.

it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.

Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.

And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.

He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.

It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]

Comments

[uprightness]

[ oddly, this conclusion makes him smile. maybe because it means that there is no one way to get it right that he somehow missed, maybe because it comes from her. there's a measure of tiredness coupled with sadness but that's not all there is and this, this helps. ]

That's an answer, too.

[mucked]

Not a terrible good one. [ she admits. but it's kind of him to imply otherwise. ] But tell me -- truthfully? Those Avengers that followed you into the fray and defended your choice with regards to the Accords. Do you really believe they regretted it? Even Wanda?

[ they made their choices. her point, as she drives it home, isn't all that different to the one she made in europe years ago. back then, they'd been discussing bucky's death. and she'd stressed to him the importance of letting his friend maintain the dignity of his choice. even in death.

not long afterwards, she'd been forced to do much the same with steve's. ]

[uprightness]

No.

[ he admits. he doesn't understand it some days but that, at least, is clear, even now. ]

No, I don't think they did.

[ he sees the parallels and smiles. ]

Allow them the dignity of that choice. I know.

[ there isn't a single lesson she taught him that he forgot. ]

[mucked]

I know you know. [ mock-stern, like it's a lesson she's still giving him. ] But I also know it's not the easiest thing to come to terms with. I'm not proud to admit that there are days I wish -- I wish I could have deprived you of yours.

[ his choice to sacrifice himself and save god knows how many people. ]

But those days are few and far between.

[uprightness]

I let Bucky go. He went under, asleep. He was - worried about the HYDRA programming, felt it would be safer.

[ and he wanted, more than anything, to tell him to stay, to work it out with him together. still, he listened and he took a step back and bid him a temporary goodbye and he thought of the last time he had to honor his choices, he thought of peggy who he helped lay to rest only days before. ]

[mucked]

It's just as well. [ she aims to sooth. ] He was right to worry about it -- look at what happened here.

[uprightness]

Yeah it - it felt like Bucky, him saying that's what he wanted. It felt right.

[ and in a way, it made the whole thing a bit easier. ]

He's safe; that matters, too.

[mucked]

-- And what about the others? What do you intend to do about them?

[ because all he mentioned was that they were jailed. that they'd put a collar on wanda. she can't imagine he's keen to sit tight and wait on the course of justice, funnily enough. ]

[uprightness]

Oh.

[ well. he shifts, clears his throat. ]

They're uh - fine. They'll have to stay below the radar for a while.

[ neutrally: ]

there was a break-in, where they were being held.

[mucked]

A break-in? [ she feigns surprise. ] Of course there was. Good -- you see, someone still knows their rights from their wrongs.

[ you did well to free them. ]

[uprightness]

Seems like.

[ well, he has to accept the compliment now, having not openly saying it was him though they understand each other well. Still, he can't very well dismiss compliments on someone's behalf. it's clever, the mixture of two manners of support, both gentle and strict; he may still feel exhausted and heavyhearted by it all but here and now, there is an undeniable measure of comfort.

it's a rare occurrence, for him to simply soak it up and not maneuver back to his more professional duties but he had lost and found her again all in the same week and this, he and her pressed together like this, feels like reclaiming a part of all that came before the influx of memories. what might have once been an indulgence is now a necessity and still, another moment passes and he remembers that he is leaning most of his weight against her and ask, ]

am I too heavy?

[mucked]

[ she fills her lungs. peggy's chest rises under his head -- and a slow exhalation reverses it. although she decides not to put too find a point upon it, truth is she finds his weighty presence a pleasant thing. she can imagine how, in time, she'll feel pins and needles in her arm. or eventually, she'll feel like fidgeting. but right now? holding him close is such a novel experience. ]

No. [ her answer is short -- but affectionate. ] Not at all. [ then, after a pause, she asks, ] Are you comfortable?

[uprightness]

truthfully?

[ the question is light and easy, a contrast to all that came before it. there are several realizations that slip into place to merit the change; the time he had with her at home has run out, left him only with a chance to say goodbye. this, here, becomes impossibly more precious. he turns his head, presses a smile and a small kiss just above her collarbone. ]

a bit too comfortable.

[ careful lest he'll get used to this. ]

[mucked]

No such beast, [ she lies. peggy knows there many shades of too comfortable. some, indeed, may apply to this very moment. but, when his kiss settles, she sighs with a short burst of contentment. once upon a time she argued that all she wanted was another chance to protect him; isn't that precisely what she's now capable of doing? ]

[uprightness]

Dunno.

[ his words are muffled by the fabric of her shirt. he pokes her side with a finger, bites back on a chuckle. ]

You might change your mind in an hour or two.

[mucked]

Why? [ -- she huffs and tries not to squirm in reaction. peggy isn't always sensitive to pokes and prods and caresses, but each one carries more with it when coming from him.

in the meantime, she plays dumb: ] What's happening in an hour or two?

[uprightness]

nothin'.

[ it's easy to sort away through thoughts and feelings like this. he pays careful attention to the tempo of her heartbeats and breaths, moves to rest his chin above hes collarbone. he watches her with a growing comfort, a new-found peace of mind. everything else will be dealt with in time; for now, he chases each heartbeat and breath and the easy comfort of simply being in love with her. ]

'm pretty sure we'll be exactly where we are.

[mucked]

[ she speaks softly, and with her fingers curling once again into his hair. ]

You could try and get a bit of sleep. [ peggy's suggestion is carefully made. ] If you like.

[uprightness]

[ though sleep is what started this entire mess, he's not entirely opposed to this idea, not when they're like this. he hums, low and content and nods. ]

It'll come on its own.

[ it's far too warm and far too comfortable not to. ]

[mucked]

[ peggy hooks her foot just below his knee -- anchoring him, maybe, and making it easier for her to keep him drawn close. it's a slow and gradual kind of embrace, growing ever-more tangled as time passes.

she aims to distract him, still: ] Any new and startling developments in the realm of music -- back home? Have they finally resorted to recording traffic noises and passing it off as melody?

[uprightness]

You know, somewhere in the world they probably did.

[ he wouldn't put it past the 21st century, honestly. ]

But I wouldn't know of it. Most of the music I listen to would be familiar to both of us.

[mucked]

One might argue that it's hardly healthy.

[ to limit himself. to look backwards, not forwards. she's one to talk, of course, with all her griping about modernity dished out with nearly every sizable social function where music is played. ]

[uprightness]

Hey those things are making a comeback - everyone wants everything and anything vintage.

[ though often times, he finds that people know so little about the time they're trying to revive. ]

People are doing the lindy hop again.

[mucked]

I'll try not to feel too offended that you just now took the word vintage and applied it, in however roundabout a fashion, to me. [ she's not all that offended. although peggy does notice how he barely refutes her suggestion of unhealthiness. it's not like an argument of everyone else is doing it! ever sat well with captain bloody america. ]

The lindy, though. That's familiar.

[ to her, at least. she's definitely danced it before. ]

[uprightness]

[ he tries not to laugh. He forgets sometimes, that here and now she's not a hundred like him and Bucky. These jokes would work better on him.

Instead, he moves upwards until their noses bump. ]

I'm sorry.

[ there's something else to say. She's not wrong about the way he escapes the world though now the nature of that escape has changed, again. He should say something about that, about lindy hop but what he manages is choked laughter and her name.]

Peggy -