driftfleet | Video.

Who: Sam and you!
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: Bloodsport or Iskaulit Bar if you find a way to squeeze in an action thread!
When: Today or whatevs, but backdated stuff is cool too.

[The last week has been really, really rough. Most people probably know.

He's been all but nonexistent for that entire week, and a few days after, too. Buried in hell memories and glitched to the point of barely functioning, he had stayed aboard the Bloodsport mostly with Nami. For the better, he knows later on; Nami understood him best, when it came to that side of him. It doesn't make him anymore ashamed and embarrassed that people had to see that. It makes him a bit depressed in the short time that follows. He wakes up on the third as himself — himself now, anyway. But he decided to just sleep for a day or two and try not to think about all the baggage.

But — he'll get pushed to move eventually, and the bar does need bartenders.

He will be out at the bar as he had been before the glitch.

It was what it was, he reminds himself. It was a part of him, and it's... well, it's not over, it'll never be over, but he's come a long way. He's better than that husk he'd been in the garden. He adapted and he survived. That has to count for something.

Still, there's some things to address.]

[Video.]

Hey, guys, I'm alive. Sorry for being so MIA at the bar, but I'm back now... Let me know if I missed anything.

[He's much better. See?? No burns or scars, and he's got his hair brushed, and everything is A-OK.]

I wanted to... apologize to everyone who ran into me, last week. I, uh, I said some pretty miserable crap and I know I sounded like a crazy person. And I just wanted to thank you guys for putting up with, um... that part of me. It's been years, and I'm much better now, and I don't... want anyone to - [He pauses, wringing a rag from the bar in his hands.] - to worry or anything like that.

I'm okay now.

So If you need a drink, I'll be here.

[A deep breath.]

Well... I don't want to just leave it on that note, so.

... Aaaah, let me think.

...

What's something you've accomplished that you're really proud of?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He smiles, sadly.]

... At the time, I did. In the garden. I was completely sure of it.

There was a time when it was all true. I must have been glitched to that point.

Then I am truly sorry, Sam.

It's okay, Sansa. It was what it was. And I'm better now.

[That much is obvious, but it's good to reinforce it for himself.]

I'm just sorry I was so — um, unavailable. I promised I'd be there to help out, but I can't really do that if I get glitched into darker times.

It seemed it was you who needed the help, that evening. Not me.

[Lowkey flustered, but bless you, Sansa.]

It's been a long time since I was that person. I try not to think about it too much. But I guess that's kind of a stupid thing to try, when it's all a part of you anyway.

Some bits of us never go away -- no matter how far we are from home.

Yeah. I remember more of... that than I do of my own life.

Thinking you can get rid of it is... naive, I guess.

But you can learn to live with it.

Is that what you've done, Sam? Have you learned how to live with it?

It's kind of all you can really do. If you don't live with it, you die in it.

[He smiles meekly.]

I have it better than a lot of people. I try to remind myself of that.

At least my crazy is all under one roof, and I get to deal with it. Some people don't get the chance.

I've met madmen before. Men, whose minds were addled by drink or sickness. [ ... ] You weren't anything like them.

[ which isn't to say she doesn't believe him when he claims the word 'crazy' -- but it's unfamiliar, at least. ]

... Honestly, um...

I had died. And I was brought back. When I was, though, I was -- crazy, I guess you could say.

I mean, I was mostly... me, but my mind kind of broke. I was hallucinating to the point where I wasn't sleeping, eating... It'd just be me and the person who tormented me for all that time.

The doctors who saw me didn't give me long before I'd die all over again from the strain of it.

[ she remembers the way he spoke to her. the accusation harboured there. ]

And when you saw me in the garden, you thought I was that person. Lucifer, you called him.

[He nods, guiltily, trying for a sheepish smile.]

... He really messed me up, I guess.

I'd locked him up a long time ago, but I, um, I ended up locked up with him, too in order to keep him from doing some pretty bad stuff. And I was there for — a really long time.

Sorry I ever compared you to the likes of him.

I take no offense. I promise.

[ for i, too, am a liar. ]

... Thank you.

[He means it, too. Some people would be too freaked out to even bother talking to him anymore. He wouldn't blame them, after how he acted, even if he had his reasons. That part of him is something he's... a little ashamed of, even if it was all necessary.]

He's, um. He was one of the reasons I had a hard time with knowing what was real or not. For a while after I got away, my head was pretty messed up. I got a little help from a friend, and I've been better ever since.

[Better is good, better means he could keep getting better.]

-- How did your friend help you?

[ because maybe she'll know, for next time, how to help sam as well. ]

Oh, um.

[HOW TO EXPLAIN...]

He's... Not quite a human, exactly, so he was able to absorb some of the bad side-effects of coming back from that place.

[He isn't going to comment on the fact that Cas broke the wall, because... past is the past. He did try to save him, at least. Before he went a little crazy himself. We all have our days, right?]

-- It all sounds rather complicated.

Annoyingly complicated, yeah. That's how my world likes to be. Complicated.

It's weird to think anything was ever simple at some point.

But it was, once?

[ simple. ]

... Never completely normal. Not compared to the rest of the country, no.

But I guess... I had a normal once. Yeah. I, um. I used to go to school to work as a lawyer. Politics, justice, that kind of thing. That was a pretty long while ago, though. Twelve years? More?

Feels like I was just a kid, really.

What's a lawyer? [ something to do with the law -- a city guard, perhaps? ]

Umm... Someone who helps, uh, defend someone being judged, I guess you could say. If they're charged with stealing something, it's a lawyer's job to build an argument and defend them. That's the way our system back home works.

It's not perfect, but it's good to give each side a chance and see if they're proven guilty or not.

Like a champion for someone who stands trial, but who cannot fight for themselves.

... Yeah. Yeah, a lot like that.

I guess I wanted to do something that made me a good amount of money, but also let me help people who needed it a lot.

private video »

steeledskin - 2017-02-28 20:04 (UTC) - Expand

collegedropout - 2017-03-01 11:14 (UTC) - Expand

steeledskin - 2017-03-02 03:26 (UTC) - Expand

collegedropout - 2017-03-03 10:24 (UTC) - Expand