004. video + action.

[astrobleme]

Who: Shinji Ikari and you?!
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: Any ship in the Fleet, beginning with the Heron.
When: Throughout the week.

[network.]

[Shinji has felt like total crap for weeks and weeks now, after that unexpected attack on the Fleet's ships... but the curtain of despair suddenly lifts one morning, for no apparent reason at all. He's a little bewildered about feeling okay, if not good, if not great, and he spends the first day catching up on the laundry that he's been neglecting.

But then it kind of maybe spirals out of control. He's filled with determination to clean--not just his own clothes or his own room, but every unwashed pile of clothes and every messy room he comes across. He doesn't really notice his own hyperactivity; he just wants to clean and clean and clean until not a speck of dust or engine grease remains. He sweeps through the Heron, to begin with, and then he branches out...]

Hey, [he says, coming into view on the feed. He's a little blurry at first, with softly glowing lights all around him, which soon resolve into... fireflies?] Have you seen these things yet? They're called cleaning bugs! And they're freaking awesome. The Co'kal made them--they can deep-clean anything, no problem, and... [Shinji is practically ranting and raving about these inventions he found in his quest to clean everything.]

If there's something you need me to clean, let me know, okay? I'll take care of it right away. Or my new friends will.


[action, aboard various ships in the Fleet.]

[Needless to say, Shinji can be found pretty much anywhere in the Fleet, on any crew's ship or the Iskaulit, waging war against uncleanliness. Don't mind him if he decides your kitchen needs a good scrub down, or your bunks, or your bathrooms, or even the engine room. He's constantly accompanied by a halo of cleaning bugs that change colors depending on the amount of dirt nearby.

They may even decide to target a person that they've deemed a little too dirty...]

Comments

[interstices]

They could've picked something better. [Asuka says that pretty grudgingly, but she's still reaching out her other hand to cup the other side of his face, interest and a vague amount of hope in her expression. If simple concentration can manipulate his A.T. field like that, then...]

When did you figure it out?

[Her reasoning's along the same lines already.]

Do you think you could escape the Curse, then? If you wanted?

[astrobleme]

[If Asuka's going to touch him like this, then it should be okay for him to touch her some more, too. Shinji's hands settle on her hips, almost like he's ready to slow dance with her. It's nice. He's still smiling.]

About a week ago. But I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew I wasn't just going crazy. I'm-- [He exhales messily. He reconsiders. Then he says, a little reluctant about it,] I wanted to be anything other than what I am, but it's because of what I am that I'm able to do this. So that's... that's just the way it has to be.

[As for the second question, well...]

Uhm, maybe I could do that, but... I don't know what I'd look like if I did grow up, so it's not like I can imagine it well. You know?

[It used to be that he wanted to resemble his father when he got older. That was the ultimate goal--not the cruelty, but the strong and uncompromising masculinity. It had an effect on people. Shinji wanted to have an effect on people, too. But now he doesn't want anything to do with his father, so...]

[interstices]

Yeah. I guess. [Asuka's face clouds a bit. He's not interested in beating the Curse of Eva, unlike her. He hasn't lived with it hanging over his head as long as she has, so that's only natural. Still, it's a little grating. He might have the option, if he'd trust himself to take it. She doesn't.]

[But she likes the way his hands rest on her hips, and she likes the way he's continuing to smile. It doesn't matter if his eyes are red or blue, if his face is fourteen or forty, as long as he's looking at her.]

[She leans forward to kiss him on the lips, soft, slow, her hands only withdrawing to rest on his shoulders instead.]

You feel better about being an Angel. That's what's helped you.

[astrobleme]

Yeah. [Shinji's voice is lighter and softer than a wispy cloud after that kiss. She has a way of making him feel like he's going to float away.] Yeah, I mean... I mean, it's not like I trust myself, not exactly, but I'm learning... how to trust myself. If that makes sense. It probably doesn't. [He doesn't quite laugh at himself. There's just a cluck of sound in his throat, very short-lived.] But I just want to figure this out as soon as possible. [And not hurt anybody else in the process, if he can help it...

He starts to say something else, then stops. It's weird. It'd be too weird to suggest outright.

But then he decides to just go for it:]

Do you wanna watch me try to change other things?

[Just for the sake of adult supervision, if nothing else.]

[interstices]

Other things?

[Asuka doesn't blush, but she does inch back a bit awkwardly, her gaze drifting perilously down from his face. He has thought about it. She's not sure whether to be relieved or not as she continues, embarrassed--]

What other things?

[astrobleme]

Mmm, I don't know, just other things like... [Shinji trails off, blinking in confusion. He doesn't really understand why she's looking at him like that. He slowly follows her gaze downward--]

Oh. Oh, no. No, not like...

[She might not be blushing, but now he is, red as a ripe tomato, utterly moronic. Even if he would like to be older, that doesn't mean he's focused on, uhm, certain elements of getting older.]

Of course not like that! I meant the color my hair or my fingernails or something...!

[interstices]

I didn't say that!

[But she was thinking it. Oh, God. She feels like a perverse creep now as she inches back. So much for intimate kissing and touching as her face starts to fight her hair in terms of red saturation.]

That's fine! You do that! I-- forget it!

[astrobleme]

[Now they're both spluttering at each other in embarrassment. God damn it. (In the back of his mind, he's reminded of that one time Asuka walked in on him in the bathroom back home, and he was in the middle of undressing, and what a mess that was.)]

Maybe you didn't say it, but you were thinking it! What kind of guy do you think I am?! I'm--

[Dizzy. Getting really dizzy. His concentration has lapsed, and his eyes are shifting back to red, the blue a mere illusion all along. He kind of stumbles to the side, palming his forehead.]

Ugh...

[interstices]

Shinji!

[Asuka sets down the candy abruptly on a nearby chair and rushes over to him. Hopefully it's just a lapse of concentration; hopefully there's no other side effects to what he's doing...]

You okay?

[He's right, anyway. Her hot embarrassment isn't exactly dissipating, but at least now she's distracted from it, grabbing his shoulder with one hand and the hand on his forehead with the other.]

Come on. You need to lay down.

[Whether he likes it or not, she's already trying to guide him towards the bed. Thankfully, the bugs have made quick work of making it up.]

[astrobleme]

I'm-- [Shinji tries to breathe out and back in, but that just makes him feel cramped, claustrophobic, because his lungs (does he even have lungs?) can't seem to expand all the way.] I'm fine, [he says weakly, stubbornly.] I'm fine, I'm fine, Asuka, so don't... [But she's already treating him like he's no better than the weak little human boy he used to be. He sags against her, unable to wish away own exhaustion.

It feels good to be sitting down on her bed, though, and even better to be stretched out on his back, his head cushioned by the pillow. The room slowly stops spinning around him, but there's enough tension behind his eyes that he knows any sudden movements will set it awhirl again.]

Guess I overdid it, huh... [Defeated, he closes his eyes.] M'sorry, Asuka. I thought I knew what I was doing with this.

[interstices]

It's okay. [She's almost-- almost feeling embarrassed enough to apologize, for all that she'd been hotly arguing before. He's worn himself out, anyway. It doesn't matter. She sits down on the other side of the bed, beside him, lips pursed. It's terrible of her, probably, but she's wondering what she could do. Nothing that impressive, probably, but there's enough mutated in her that she doesn't have to sleep or eat, either. So maybe...]

Want a wet washcloth or something?

[astrobleme]

No, no, I don't... [Shinji opens one eye with a painful wince--it's blood-red, as alien as ever.] Maybe if you turned off the lights, that'd be good... [He can't remember the last time he had a migraine or anything like it. Must have been months ago. Several months ago. Embracing his Angelic nature did wonders for his blood pressure, really, at least for a while. His core is much more efficient than a heart.]

And then come back here, I don't want you too far away.

[They were going to kiss and stuff before he got all reckless about his newfound abilities. Hopefully there's still enough time to do some of that, assuming he didn't disgust her by being an idiot.]

[interstices]

[Asuka gets up again obediently to shut off the lights, coming back over to his side immediately.]

You know I'm not going anywhere. [She's a bad one to have around when someone's ill, and she knows it, but she tries. She can't not worry about him. And she can't be disgusted with him, either. He was trying to show her something extraordinary, and she's the one who blew it.]

[She pushes some of his bangs up from his forehead. Sweaty, maybe, but not burning up or anything, not from what she can tell.]

You relax.

[astrobleme]

[His skin is damp from exertion, yeah, but it's that perfectly stable temperature it has been for months now. He has a cardiovascular system that regulates his body temperature with the utmost precision, rarely deviating from the norm. He could take a stroll through an apocalyptic blizzard and feel no worse for doing it...

Still, Asuka's hand feels so good (so good) on his forehead. Maybe it's less the physical nature of it and more just knowing that she cares about him. He will never take that for granted. Never ever.

He's quiet for some time, just breathing, and then he says,]

Hey, look up there...

[Overhead, the cleaning bugs have settled into a random pattern, glowing softly in the darkness.]

Reminds me of stars.

[interstices]

Yeah.

[She's reminded, suddenly and almost painfully, of when she'd first seen him on the Marsiva. Counting stars instead of facing the world, coiled and rolled up inside himself. She thought she'd understood him then, thought he was being a coward. She hadn't understood half of what she needed to.]

[She shifts to lie down beside him, withdrawing her hand. Seconds later, she's nestled against him, watching quietly.]

What made you interested in them? The stars.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji is a coward, without question, even though he's done things no coward should be able to do. His desire to protect the people he cares about has brought forth a host of miracles, both good and terrible, and... well...

A dark, quiet room feels like the perfect place for a confession.]

I've liked the stars for as long as I can remember. I would look up at them and they'd be right there, the same as always... No matter what was going on, I could count on them to be there for me. A near infinite number of them.

[That's kind of sad and pathetic, but Asuka has seen many sad and pathetic displays from him by now. She hasn't left him yet for someone else, someone better, and maybe she won't ever do that, if her warm presence is any indication. She's settling for less and he desperately loves her for it.

He finds one of her hands and clasps it in his own.]

[interstices]

[Asuka's fingers tighten around his on automatic. She's silent for longer than she means to be. Shinji likes stasis, while Asuka's eternally losing her battle against it. But that's not quite true-- or at least, that's not all of it. She shuts her eyes.]

You could depend on them.

[The same as always. A continual pattern. A million stars, twinkling, beckoning toward another existence.]

I get that. I didn't before.

[astrobleme]

Yeah. [Then, almost apologetically:] It always sounds stupid when I say it out loud like that. [He could tell Asuka all sorts of things that she might not have known before. There were plenty of rumors throughout NERV with regards to the Third Child being estranged from his father, but...

It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. They have a new life here. Completely brand-new. At some point, he tells himself, he's going to have to shed all of this useless baggage. He'll be so light that he'll feel like floating away.]

You've been pretty dependable, too, you know... when you didn't have to be...

[interstices]

It's not stupid.

[She's quiet again, remembering. They never have had too many quiet times together. She's been too barbed and he's been too withdrawn. It's only just lately they've been more open. More... more grown.]

I want to be. [It's bad of her, really bad, but the times when he was most vulnerable, some awful part of her almost... almost enjoyed it. Him leaning on her. Her being his protector against everything. It made her feel strong.] You have been, too.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji resents being weak, and useless, and largely a burden... but that doesn't mean he resents Asuka for propping him up. He used to daydream about somebody, anybody, coming along and rescuing him from the painful circumstances of his childhood. Maybe Asuka would have done just that, had she been older and actually capable of it. Maybe...

He coughs out a bit of laughter.]

Oh, just you wait. I'll forget about your birthday sooner or later, and that'll be the end of that.

[interstices]

No, you won't. I won't let you.

[She reaches over, landing a light blow on the top of his head. He remembered once, and that's an improvement over her own mother. If he ever finds that out, she'll...]

You make me want things like that.

[astrobleme]

That kind of sounds like a threat, [Shinji says, smiling, and he draws the nearest blanket up and around them both. His head isn't throbbing so persistently anymore. He's still a little queasy, though, so he's just going to turn inward and nestle against Asuka, for as long as she's willing to shelter him.

He's quiet for a moment, just thinking to himself. Asuka was visibly overwhelmed during her weak excuse for a birthday party. Next time, he'll have to find ways to make it better. So much better. For her sake.]

... If we keep doing things like that, does that mean we're normal?

[A soft but fateful question.]

[interstices]

Do you want to be?

[Asuka hates answering questions with questions. It's obnoxious and circular. People should just say what they mean and be done with it instead of moan about their own hypocrisy. But here she is. Laying down almost like a long, long time ago, almost on the border of telling him things he never needs to hear. Asking him all the things she never would've dared.]

You haven't made cake in awhile. It's a good excuse.

[astrobleme]

[If Asuka had asked him that a year ago--or, really, not even that long ago--Shinji would have readily agreed. Of course he wants to be normal. Of course he does. He wants absolutely nothing to do with Eva or Angels, much less being an Angel himself. If he could go back home to a stack of textbooks, a telescope, and an uncertain but still mundane future, he'd take up that offer in a heartbeat...

So the fact he hasn't responded yet says a lot more than any response could.]

I don't know anymore.

[He's more like a dumb little kid than a fearsome Angel when he turns over and clings to Asuka, in need of reassurance.]

I'll make a cake for you, then... You could've just asked if you wanted one.

[interstices]

[The air feels a little heavier. Almost portentous. Asuka isn't sure if him not knowing is good or bad. If he's really and truly accepting all of himself, and by extension accepting her, too. If he's willing to leave normal behind. If he's okay with that.]

[Asuka lets him cling. In fact, she pulls him in tighter.]

Stupid. You know that wasn't the important part.