driftfleet | Bishop Mingle!

It happened, Tadashi!

[Hiro doesn't look up, but his voice raises to a shout so fast he can't stop it.]

I... I know you didn't mean to. You were trying to save Callaghan. Someone had to help...

[He understands that so well now. If Callaghan had been in real trouble, maybe Tadashi would have been able to do something about it, like Hiro had with Abigail.

[Hiro's voice sounds completely withered and barely like his own now, only able to squeeze it out through a slightly higher pitch.]

... B-but it happened...

[ the shift in pitch is what causes his vision to finally refocus. his heart is hammering in his throat and he feels unnaturally short of breath for someone who's been standing still for as long as he has, but he can deal with that later.

tadashi opens his mouth to speak again and finds himself at an absolute loss. there's no fixing this. there's no making it better.

he gives up for now and sort of just pushes the chair in front of him to the side, striding over to grab hiro into another hug. his head is ducked down, grip tight, while guilt and regret war each other for rein over his emotional state. when he manages words again, his voice is hoarse with apology. ]

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

[Hiro can't return the hug at first, just leaning into it, but after that apology, his hands grip the sides of Tadashi's shirt like they're the only thing keeping him on his feet.

[It would be so easy to blame Tadashi for this. It would be so easy to call him stupid. "I told you not to!" "You're such an idiot!" "I was alone without you!" "He didn't deserve to be saved!"

[But he can't. He knows that part of him is childish, that Tadashi did exactly what a hero would have done. His brother died a good man and an inspiration. His death spurred Hiro on to do so much good in the world in so short a time... His voice is muffled in Tadashi's shirt, still shaky and tone uneven.]

I missed you so much...

[ he'd left him alone. he had died and left him alone.

tadashi can feel tears in his own eyes, a product of frustration and terror and a wave of hot anger at himself. how could he have let himself die when he still had so left to do? so much left to see, to say. he takes another breath and then swallows them back, because now isn't the time for that. right now, he has to be strong for hiro, has to make up for all the time he'll never get to be that for him ever again. ]

I'm here now, little brother.

[ it won't ever be enough. he just doesn't know where else he could possibly start. ]

[He can't stop the tears, himself. He didn't cry about this anywhere near as much as he should have when it happened. He shut down from the shock of seeing it, of watching Tadashi disappear in a giant roaring blaze...

[So he lets it out. While Tadashi is here, while he still has him, he lets out all of the mess he's been sitting on for the last several months.

[It'll take him a couple of minutes to finish that.]

[ yeah, tadashi isn't going anywhere, not as long as hiro is crying. it'll give tadashi time to compose himself, too, to throw off the urge to weep with bitter and guilty uselessness.

eventually, eventually, he allows his arms to go slack, and angles himself backwards. the way his hands grip hiro's upper arms seems to suggest he's afraid that he might disappear or float away through his fingers without warning. ]

You're okay. It's okay.

[He releases his shirt with one hand, using it to wipe some of the tears away. Tadashi's shirt is definitely a little wet. He's trying so hard to pull it together, but nothing's been this difficult in... well, a while.

[But it strikes him in the middle of this that there's no point in crying over it now. Crying on Tadashi won't fix it back home. Nothing is going to, and he knows it. He's proud of who he is now, and he wouldn't be that person without Tadashi. He wouldn't be half that person...

[So he sniffs a few more times, hiccups once, and then he shakes his head and forces himself to breathe as evenly as he can.]

... You're right...

[His voice is tense, but far more even than it was before.]

You're here. I figured out you could show up here over a month ago, I... I knew this was possible.

[And now he looks up.]

And I'm not gonna waste it.

Good. You know how much I hate wasting time.

[ it feels like he's slipped into autopilot. he feels oddly distant from himself even as he hears himself speak, and squeezes hiro's arm again, just to reaffirm the fact that he is there and solid and breathing.

a beat, and then tadashi exhales. it's a low breath that nearly causes him to shudder, and his fingers relax; one hand drops down to his own side before the other reaches up to tousle hiro's hair with a measure of gentleness that he usually lacks when harassing his younger brother. ]

So you've been hanging out with Baymax, huh?

[ the shape of his words feel flat in his mouth, and he wonders when his senses will straighten themselves out. he needs to sit down in a quiet room for a while. ]

[He can tell there's a level of space between them right now. It kind of stings... but he's thinking about it, and he decides it'll get better. Tadashi just found out he ran to his death. There's no way he's anywhere near okay. Maybe this conversation will help give him cover to start trying to process.]

Yeah... He's a lot more impressive than I thought he was.

[ there's a space there, but it's born mostly out of tadashi's distance from himself, not from hiro explicitly. that strange out-of-body feeling means that he's operating almost entirely on autopilot now, though, and autopilot is what causes him to lean back slightly and to gently flick the very tip of hiro's nose. it's the same annoying little gesture he's done for as long as he can remember. ]

Oh, and you couldn't figure that out when I showed him to you the first time?

[And Hiro flinches, just like he always has.]

Uh, rude? I was in pain from a vicious duct tape attack.

Hey. Just be glad I didn't do any permanent damage.

[ and another tiny little flick. tadashi will then seat himself more heavily than anticipated into the nearest available seat tyvm. ]

[Hiro picks up on that, too. So he naturally just kind of kicks his foot on his way past to sit in the seat closest by.]

... You know, he downloaded a database on personal loss without me telling him to. Called the whole gang and forced me into a hug.

What? He wasn't -

[ tadashi glances sideways at hiro. brow creased, he looks for all the world like a little of the fog behind his eyes is clearing. ]

I mean, he's supposed to be able to scan neurotransmitter levels, but he isn't supposed to try to treat anything psychological, that's way too complex for -

[ good job, tadashi. this makes 2/2 sentences where you have literally cut yourself off you before you finished speaking. ]

He got them to come hug you? Holy crap. My program is awesome.

Edited 2015-03-16 06:02 (UTC)

[Hiro smiles this time, a little proud himself. You have no idea, Tadashi.]

He told me I showed no signs of injury. I told him it wasn't that kind of hurt, and he just... went with it, I guess. Anything to treat a patient.

[He sounds so fond.]

Baymax is a pretty amazing piece of tech. Never saw a robot get distracted by a butterfly before.

Bishop Mingle!

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