driftfleet | seraph therapy?!?! seraphy!!

Entry tags:

seraph therapy?!?! seraphy!!

Who: Mikleo, Sorey, & Zaveid
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Huntress
When: The day of Eizen's arrival

[Mikleo had really been hoping to avoid telling Sorey what that this conversation is almost certainly going to reveal, at least until it feels like he's more prepared for it, but as usual fate has other ideas about what ought to happen. With Eizen's arrival and subsequent outbursts about Sorey, the Shepherd mythos, and Edna's involvement, there's no feigning ignorance anymore. Eizen's reaction and accusations will surely result in too many unanswered questions for Sorey to keep quiet about it.

He has no intention of lying, but at the core of the matter is the fact that it isn't he who has any right to explain things to Sorey. It's Zaveid's, and he hasn't been responding to anything openly- not to Eizen's arrival, and not to any messages Mikleo's tried to send him, either. His room was locked and silent. They're going to have to tackle this as a team. That's why he's waiting for Sorey's return from the Iskaulit in the docking bay area, seated on a cargo box, fingers tapping idly against the metal to distract himself from the worry threatening to overwhelm him.

Will Sorey be okay? Will Zaveid? How the hell are they going to deal with this without someone falling apart in the process?]

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[Sorey is beginning to feel like every single one of his friends is speaking a language he doesn't understand, and he kind of hates it.

That business from Mikleo about him not being ready to hear something, Zaveid being so secretive about that coat, about talking with Mikleo...even Dezel's been more gentle lately. Sorey knows they're keeping things from him, and they know he knows (or at least, Mikleo does) and he wants to trust them, but...

Your title isn't as pristine as you think it is

But.

Now Zaveid's shut himself into his room and they have to dig him out, because Eizen won't be going anywhere and Zaveid will avoid dealing with this probably as long as they live here, if he can get away with it. Sorey doesn't want to do it, doesn't want to drag Zaveid into this kicking and screaming, and maybe he won't; maybe they'll just check on him, see if he's going to be okay, see if he needs...something. Anything.

That's the worst thing, about not knowing what's going on. Feeling completely and utterly useless.

So when Sorey docks the shuttle, spots Mikleo just beyond the airlock sitting on a crate and hops out to head over to him, the look on his face is distinctly displeased.] Do you know why Eizen doesn't trust Shepherds?

[Right out of the gate, huh. Mikleo isn't especially surprised, and he lets that show clearly on his face; he'd known Sorey was going to question it, but he'd kind of hoped that they could focus on Zaveid before anything else. Unfortunately those two things are inescapably tied together. Eizen had made that perfectly clear.

If the truth is coming out now, that's fine, he'll deal with the fallout as it comes. But how much of Zaveid's own past is shared will be his decision. Mikleo had determined that from the start, even back when Zaveid talked about it with him. Tethering is one thing. Zaveid's tethering is another story entirely.]

...I do, [is, at last, his reluctant response.] I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I thought it would make things worse.

[So it is related. He'd had a feeling...between this, that statue in the abandoned museum in Marlind, that look on Zaveid's face when Sorey had asked if he ever hated humans...it's something big. It's something dangerous enough that Mikleo would elect to keep it from him, even after their promises to each other.]

I said I trust you, so you don't have to apologize. [Not that Sorey is particularly happy about it, but he's decided to rebuild his trust in himself by trusting his friends first. It's the only way it's going to work.

Still, this... Sorey rubs at his mouth with his hand, thinking. They don't have a lot of time right now; while Eizen likely won't be transferred for another week, he still wants to get to him as soon as possible.] We...we might not have the luxury of me being unaware if that means I can't properly fulfill my duties, but that can probably wait. Right? Can it? [Since Sorey doesn't know. He knows the obvious reason Zaveid must've holed himself up (the way Zaveid felt about Eizen, promising to kill him, taking years and years to do it), but if there's something else wrapped up in it then he needs to know.]

[Mikleo hesitates - because yeah, he's worried about Zaveid as well, but part of his worry is about placing the burden of explaining things on him all over again. He's had to tell Mikleo, and now apparently Dezel knows some of it too. Would it be cruel to make him go through it all again, when he and Sorey are still shaky when it comes to their connection? When he's struggling with the fact that Eizen is here now, and the burden is on him to make peace between their time and his?

Finally he shakes his head. No, he won't do that. If Zaveid gets angry for telling Sorey about it, he'll accept that. But it has to be said.]

Some of it can wait. But if we're going to help Zaveid and Eizen, we need to be on the same page. I'll tell you what you need to know.

[He gives the crate beside his own a pat, then clasps his hands together in his lap. It's easier for him to talk about it; he never went through any of it, never imagined it could be possible. He can treat it like history, simply a new discovery about their world's past. It isn't painful memories he's forced to relive or anything so cruel.

It's just... that their dreams were built on weaker stuff than they were led to believe. That's all.]

[Urgency still tingles through his limbs, but Sorey ignores it and slides onto the crate beside Mikleo. What Eizen said bothers him just as much as the way he'd said it, dread thrumming heavy through his gut.] Eizen said something about 'tethering.' Do you know what he means by that?

Edited 2017-03-29 15:58 (UTC)

...Yeah. Tethering is what they called it... when someone locks away the mind and will of a seraph to use them in battle.

["Someone"... that is, a human. He's reluctant to say it, but Sorey is likely to come to that conclusion himself.]

It's how Shepherds gained power in Eizen's time.

[To some degree, Sorey expected this. Subconsciously, maybe; it had been in the way Eizen spat tethered, in the way he'd demanded to know if Edna even had a choice.

It's just so violently at odds with what he knows. When darkness threatens the people, a Shepherd appears. They're the bridge between seraphim and humans. Lailah guided many of her own, for many years, so how...?]

I...I don't understand, [Sorey says dumbly.

Have you ever hated humans, Zaveid?

Maybe there's just something he's not grasping properly. Maybe they were imposters. A real Shepherd would ask, of course; a Shepherd would be able to see seraphim, speak to them. They'd be able to ask for their help, not force servitude upon them.] Why wouldn't they just ask?

Edited 2017-03-29 22:15 (UTC)

[It's such a simple question, so very Sorey, that in another situation Mikleo would smile. Why wouldn't they ask? Why wouldn't they follow basic courtesy, the smallest of gestures, and ask permission before connecting to beings they will eventually worship as holy, in churches across the world? Why were seraphim - malakhim, whatever arbitrary name humans opt to give their kind - be worth so much less than the likes of Maotelus, or Innominat, or the other Lords?

He wishes he had an answer, but at the same time he's glad he doesn't. This sort of atrociousness is beyond comprehension for the both of them, and he doesn't want to understand.]

...I don't know. Maybe they couldn't. Maybe they didn't think to try. Maybe they just didn't care. No one's given me a reason, and even if there was one, there's no justifying it. The Shepherd of that era made a terrible mistake.

We never learned about any of this, [Sorey murmurs, staring down at his hands in his lap. There had been nothing; nothing in the Earthen Historia, nothing in any books, any ruins they saw. Gramps hadn't said a word when they'd visited home before leaving for Marlind.

Sorey takes a deep breath. His head rattles with questions unanswered.]

Eizen and Zaveid had to live in a world like that...no wonder they became so close.

Yeah. It was a surprise to me, too. To be honest, it's still hard to believe sometimes, but...

[It's impossible to deny the look in Zaveid's eyes as he spoke of it. And Eizen's rage was genuine, too. It can't be anything but true.]

Regardless, it means that the world has changed in a thousand years- that somewhere in history, humans and seraphim did reconcile and learn how to work together. We're proof of that, and we need Zaveid's help to convince Eizen if we're going to avoid a fight with him. But first, Zaveid has to talk to him.

[It's much easier to tackle this from a logical standpoint- for Zaveid to act as a bridge between the old and the new. As if anything could possibly be that simple, with all of them involved. With Eizen involved. Rather, he's hoping this won't end up as messy as he dreads it could become.]

[It's something he's going to have to agonize over later; right now they have other priorities.]

We don't have to worry too much about Eizen; he asked me about Edna before jumping to conclusions. He probably has a heart as kind as anybody else, I think he wanted to believe me. [Honestly if Sorey was faced with a person who claimed the same title as someone who enslaved all of his people, he'd have been even more combative. That Eizen didn't immediately start off with the threats says a lot.]

I don't...I don't think we should go in there with the intention of getting Zaveid to talk to Eizen. That puts an awful lot of pressure on him when he's likely already having a hard time.

Edited 2017-03-30 04:54 (UTC)

I disagree. I think getting him to talk to Eizen is exactly what we need to do in there.

[He's a little surprised Sorey's able to shrug off what he's been told, but not by much; he's certain that it's only temporary, and it's so like Sorey to put the needs of others before his own. Of course he's worried about Zaveid.]

Even if you disregard the Shepherd issue, the fact is, Zaveid and Eizen are friends, and Zaveid hasn't had the chance to talk with him for who knows how long. It could have been years- dozens, hundreds, even. We don't know how long Eizen was a dragon. From the sound of things, he doesn't even know he becomes one eventually. It isn't fair to Eizen to keep him in the dark, and Zaveid's just hurting himself by hiding from it.

[He leans over, just enough to bump shoulders lightly with Sorey.]

What if it was us? If you showed up out of the blue and found out I was here, but I wasn't talking to you, wouldn't it drive you crazy to be stuck on the Marsiva with no way to find out why? Wouldn't I be worse off to leave things like that?

[Yeah he's getting better at compartmentalizing out of sheer necessity. They'll have to talk about this later, likely ad nauseum.]

We're different people, [Sorey argues, folding his arms.] I do feel bad for Eizen, but like you said, he's not going anywhere. I'm not saying we should discourage them talking at all, but if we're going to be here for Zaveid then I think our focus needs to be more on making sure he's okay, first and foremost.

[Sorey's brow furrows, rocking back on the crate a little.] Are you worried Zaveid is going to avoid Eizen like he did you?

I'm not saying we just barge in and go, "Zaveid! Talk to Eizen immediately!" or something, but I don't think we should leave without a solid push in that direction, either.

[He's quiet for a long moment as he considers Sorey's question- not because it's one he doesn't have the answer to, but rather to prepare himself for what might be ahead. If he has to draw on what happened that day, he'll have to be able to think about it without freaking out or drifting off. It's gotten easier over time, but that doesn't make it a switch he can just turn on or off.

Finally:] ...Of course I am. It took him longer than anyone else to come and see me, and even then he almost walked right back out the door the moment he got there. Dragons aren't... supposed to come back. That's what makes dealing with all of this so much harder. He'd resigned himself making sure the both of us died instead of... that. To have us both come back must be...

[He shakes his head. He knows he doesn't compare to Eizen, not really- he'd never want to. But it gives him a frame of reference, and it doesn't make their prospects look good.]

If we wait for Eizen to get moved to the fleet and he comes here looking for Zaveid, and he's still in hiding, it won't make them talk. He'll just find a new place to hide.

[Mikleo gets that hooded, distant look in his eyes and Sorey moves closer to him on instinct. They both have personal stakes in this, much more than being Zaveid's friends, and it's influencing their reasoning for better or for worse.

...Mikleo's not wrong though. If it gets to Eizen seeking Zaveid out after a week of silence, it won't be pretty.]

Maybe we should just get in there first. See how he's doing and what can be done before we make any solid plans.

[Mikleo isn't sure if that'll be enough, but he doesn't have enough justification to argue about it, nor the will. A hefty part of how this'll go does depend on Zaveid, that much is true. Without knowing where they stand they won't know for sure what to do or say to help.

It's with some reluctance that he nods.]

All right. Let's check his room, then. We need to see if he's even willing to open the door.

Yeah. [Though Zaveid's got to be well aware they're here now.

Before they can get up though, Sorey places a hand on Mikleo's arm to stop him.]

Mikleo...when you said you didn't tell me because you didn't want to make things worse, did you mean how I feel about humanity?

[Mikleo glances over at him, brows furrowed, and then looks away again, uncomfortable.]

I won't deny it. You're still struggling with it, aren't you? The idea that humans are so dangerous, and... That seraphim are so forgiving.

[He isn't so much struggling with it as coming to terms with his conclusion, and hearing this...certainly doesn't change his mind.

But that kind of thinking is likewise dangerous.]

Yeah. I am. [Either way, this is an argument for later.] ...let's head for Zaveid's room.

[Mikleo can already feel it in the air- that recognizable understanding of we'll talk about this later. It's distracting just long enough for him to acknowledge it, and then he nods again, sliding off the box and following Sorey out. Later. Definitely later.]

[ He had known the moment they'd stepped onto the ship. He'd felt Sorey getting closer and felt the weight of it, because he knew what they were there for. There was no point hiding it or trying to act as though it wasn't happening, even though he desperately wanted to try. He didn't want to think about Eizen coming back, he didn't want to face it because it meant facing all the things he had done, the blood that was on his hands... All over again.

The problem was he had only just managed it with Mikleo and they weren't even half as close as that. Now, with Eizen here... He can't do it.

He can't take it.

Settled in his room, it's easy to curl up in one corner, letting the air and the grass under his fingertips soothe him. He keeps a listen out, as if he might be able to hear them coming, but in the end he wonders if it's worth the fight. The door was locked but he opens it, shifting back to his spot and settling down, breathing out a quiet noise.

Zaveid doesn't really want this, but he leaves the door open for them. He doesn't have much of a choice, knowing the boys. ]

[Zaveid not only leaving the door unlocked, but open, is a definite surprise. Either he wants to see them, or (more likely) he knows they wouldn't leave without seeing him.

Sorey glances at Mikleo before heading in, pulling off his boots at the edge of the grass and heading over to Zaveid's corner to sit beside him.]

[ For a long moment Zaveid doesn't even bother turning his head to look over at Sorey, nor does he glance up when he hears Mikleo following after him. He knows this game - they're going to come and talk to him and he's going to have to wade through it, like trekking through a swamp. He doesn't want to do it, but he doesn't have a choice. All he can do is try and manage his emotions, try to reign in the agony and terror and desperate hope he's feeling, thick and weighted on his chest. ]

You saw.

[ No point beating around the bush. ]

[No point indeed, and Mikleo wastes no time responding. Zaveid... doesn't look good. They might have to handle this even more delicately than he'd originally imagined.]

We all saw.

...he seems kind, [Sorey says quietly, drawing up his knees to hug them.] A little gruff, but kind. Like Edna.

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OH BOI

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