driftfleet | Ninth Blight

Who: Riona, a crate of blow up sex dolls, and you
Broadcast: Yep
Action: On the Blue Fish (any visitors keep in mind, the locks are in place again so someone would need to let them on the ship)
When: Tonight

[The video flickers on, panning to one very, very annoyed queen. Behind her and off to the side is a large crate. It's been opened, and if one looks carefully, they might see what looks like arms and legs flopped over the side. Riona begins opening a letter, her movements jerky.]

Lucky me, it's been so long since I've gotten one of these. They appear to be plastic... dolls, I suppose. You're supposed to fill them with air and they take shape. I highly doubt they sent all of these for me, and thus this broadcast. What their purpose is, though, I do not know. They seem a little large to be for children. This note should be enlightening, I think.

[Riona holds it up and begins reading:]

"For Riona and the other sorrowfully separated or single persons in the fleet-" It's going to be one of those kinds of drops, I see. "We sympathize with your frustration and separation. Have some of our top quality models, free of charge, for those nights where the loneliness just gets to be too much. And for you, Riona - after we saw your awakening from your coma and learned of your heartbreaking situation, we were moved. We created a special model, just for you. We think you'll find the likeness striking. We already blew it up for you, and it's ready for immediate... use..."

You - Maker's breath, are these for what I think they're for? [Riona shakes her head in disbelief.] And what did they mean by-

[Frowning, Riona drops the note and walks over to the crate. Rifling through it for a moment, she eventually goes "Ah, found it, I think". She seems to wrestle with something for a moment until, after a hard pull, she wrenches it free. Out comes a fully blown up doll, well within view of the camera. Those from Thedas might recognize a certain Fereldan king that Riona just so happens to be married to.

Riona's shock quickly turns to red-faced anger as she slams the doll back down into the crate. Her jaw tightens as she turns and heads to the device.]

Whoever helps me push this blighted thing out the airlock gets a free drink on me. [As soon as she tosses out her offer, she shuts the feed off.]

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[Leliana had come with her own sponsor drop in hand, ready to chuck it out of the airlock as well, along with the note left with it. She felt as sour in mood as Riona looked.]

I don't need the drink to help you. I'd be happy to join you.

[She can't even conceal the ugly onesie she's been given and if Riona takes a good look at it, she'd see it looks like a crude shape of a Nug.]

[Here comes another sorrowfully separated person, who is staring at the contents of that box with unmasked horror. What the actual hell. ]

Maybe we should just...push them all out. And then maybe like smack our heads against the wall a few times until we forget we ever saw them at all. Do you think that'd work? That should work.

[Riona sees it but merely makes a mental note. Right now, she's too wrapped up in her own sponsor lunacy.]

Good. Let's get on the far side of this thing and push.

[She steps around and leans down against the crate with her shoulder.]

It's insulting is what this is. Like having sex with some plastic thing is even remotely helpful. Not to mention putting my husband's - my king's visage on some sex toy is downright offensive. Bloody blighted bastards are lucky they're not in Ferelden.

[WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO, SOKKA??]

Oh, I plan on it. This whole damned crate is going.

[With every single doll, including hers.]

I fear the injury we'd incur. Personally, I was planning on drinking myself into a stupor. Less blood, usually.

They are lucky they are not aboard this ship.

[Her tone is somewhat clipped, as she leans against the crate with Riona, aiming to push the damned box out and away from the two of them where they'll never see it again. For good measure she dumps her ugly nug onesie on top of the blow up Alistair so that they don't have to look at it.]

As if a bit of plastic can replace a person... horrible.

[He was in the cargo bay when this whole mess went down.

He has no words.

Only this face.

W h y.]

Right you are.

[She almost wants to teasingly add "Most Holy", but Leliana looks just as enraged as Riona feels, so she doesn't push it. Instead, she merely starts pushing the crate.]

And who wants to fuck a plastic thing anyway? That's just - eugh.

[It's an apt expression, Riona has to give him that.]

You plan on just standing there and gawking, or will you help me with this monstrosity?

Ah, sorry. I'll help.

[He'll drop the expression and head closer to the crate, trying to avert his eyes because wow, that's awkward to look at a bunch of sex dolls- who even makes that sort of thing?]

W-where do you want them?

[The use of expletives creates a momentary quirk of the corners of Leliana's mouth. She was glad she sought out Riona. They could be angry and somewhat find humor in all of this.]

True enough. And the questions these people ask - or the rumors they come up with, I should say - are just... ugh. [She makes a disgusted face, just thinking about it.]

It reminds me how much we should dislike this place, even if there are others who make it worthwhile.

[She's glad for their crew. They could commiserate their frustrations together.]

The only place they belong: the airlock.

[She steps around and pushes her back against it so she doesn't have to look at them, either.]

I've heard a bit about it from the network. Now that we've left that planet, Atroma seems to want to have a bit of fun.

[She keeps pushing the crate. Luckily it's not terribly heavy. Just more awkward and large than anything.]

Oh yes. I'm sure this will make for a hilarious dinner conversation tonight. [Sarcasm leaks into her tone, though it's not as angry as it was earlier.]

[The sex toys were one thing but this? This is downright cruel. Beverly wastes no time in getting down to the cargo bay to help Riona out.]

What do you need me to do?

Okay.

You can let go, I got it.

[And sure enough as she does, he lifts it with absolute ease despite being a pretty hefty size box. Thank goodness for superstrength]

Do you need to throw them all away?

Edited 2017-04-05 01:06 (UTC)

It's a pity I think the only other person on the crew who could or might want to drink with us would be Beverly. Perhaps we could ask her?

[Leliana pushes on the crate in earnest, happy to see the crate move further towards the airlock and out of their lives.]

She's sure to have been on the receiving end of her own slights via the lovely fans who watch us so intently.

Help me push this blighted thing out the airlock so I can show those rat-faced bastards how much I really "appreciate" their gift.

[She glares at the offending crate.]

I might have been able to just roll my eyes if they'd only given me these dolls. But the one of my husband is an offense I can't ignore.

Yes, I do. [A pause] I take it you want one for some Maker forsaken reason?

[Riona blinks as he lifts it up. It takes her a moment to remember that Allen is freakishly strong.]

...right. Ah, thank you, Allen.

[Yeah it's easy to forget considering how often he actually uses it in the fleet. But he smiles at her]

It's no trouble!

Just get the doors for me?

I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Though I hope she hasn't had to face this level of idiocy like we have.

[They're almost there, thank the Maker.]

If it's even truly the work of "fans". As far as I know, this may very well be Atroma orchestrating all this.

[Plus the ten+ years' worth of memory dump. There's a lot of things she's rediscovering.]

Of course.

[She gets up and heads over to the door leading to the airlock chamber. She opens it up, gesturing dramatically for him to dump the offending crate inside.]

Don't you ever get anything that isn't viscerally insulting?

[Yes he saw that damned doll. Ugh.]

It would seem not, no.

[Atroma does love kicking her when she's down.]

Had it just been these other dolls, I might have been able to laugh it off, as tasteless as they are. But the insult to Alistair is unforgivable.

[It's awful, is what it is. ]

Good. Because...no. Just no. Who even thinks about stuff like this? Why does it even exist?

[Look, he misses Suki and all but he hasn't got as far as to need dolls yet. ]

...Yeah that one would probably work out much better.

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Ninth Blight

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