driftfleet | 003- [video/action]

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003- [video/action] - a fool's errand

Who: Ardyn and YOU!
Broadcast: Yes
Action: SS RED FISH
When: Now

[The feed snaps on to show a rather annoyed Chancellor of Niflheim ripping down several posters containing rather nasty rumours about himself.]

I suppose this is some kind of joke? An amusing attempt to gain ratings for this sordid show I presume? Someone, or person's unknown, have been writing some rather sordid rumours about myself. Here, let me read you one of them:

"Ardyn Izunia is a MAGICAL GIRL called SAILOR ARDYN. He has the ABILITY of DUMPSTER DIVING. He wears a pink skirt that comes above his knees-"

Dare I read anymore of this filth? If anyone is responsible for this aboard any of these ships then I may have to come and have a little chat with you. Of course, this could be sent from our masters, the Atroma. I can assure you of this; the ratings will not be raised because of this.

[He's angry, ashamed and downright embarrassed. Not a good cocktail. He's looking at you, Noctis. Did you place these rumours aboard his ship? Ignis? Do you hate him so much to do this? Lady Lunafreya, would you even dare?]

I'm not laughing and there is no reason why any of you should be either.

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[ Normally, Luna would not laugh at such a thing. She'd been good to Noctis... mostly not giggling in his face about his own little rumor. She's helped others try to cope with such mean jokes as well, but this? This she can't quite stop.

So all Ardyn gets is Luna's almost shocked expression, before she absolutely bursts out into laughter.

She's got nothing even to say. She's just here, laughing at you, Ardyn. And she's laughing hard. Harder than she has in a LONG time. ]

[He can see and hear you laughing at him and he's finding it rather off-putting and downright rude. How could you, Luna? It's like you enjoy laughing at him. Perish the thought. Ardyn just put on his best frown and tried to regain what was left of his dignity.]

Something amusing, my lady?

Yes. Yes, everything about your situation is amusing.

[ Just as her laughter had died down to snickers, it starts right back up again. before she holds a finger up as if to tell him to hold on, and for a moment she shifts off screen. Unfortunately, her laughter can still be heard as she digs around off camera for something, and when she returns she holds up an apron and a hat from some fast food joint or another. ]

Everyone seems to be getting hit with these rumors. I was gifted with this, along with a note... something about 'burger flipping'. Someone certainly has a good sense of humor.

No, it isn't. Believe me.

[He's so embarrassed right now. You may even see a slight red tinge to his cheeks under his fedora. Never before has he been so humiliated by anyone. Yet, it makes amusing viewing for people.]

Is that so? The Lady of Tenebrae working for a greasy burger bar? Whatever next? Oh my, I am shocked!

[He was finding that amusing. Very much so.]

Quite sordid I must agree.

Now, now, Chancellor. You of all people should know that life is short, and it's better to laugh at yourself in these situations. Just know that we are laughing with you, not at you.

[ She's definitely laughing AT him, and the redder his face gets the better it makes her feel. She hums and gives the stupid attire a little twirl, before nodding. ]

Indeed. I was a little confused at first, and then I saw that other people were also having issues. It seems that we are truly amusing the masses right now.

[He's certainly not that stupid and knows she's laughing right at him. It caused him to bristle slightly and aim to put on an air of confidence.]

Quite. That all depends on the situation though, my lady. One could say you might be enjoying my predicament a little too much.

[Definitely. Keep at it, Luna. Laugh at the space hobo.]

If our masses find this sort of thing amusing, then I feel sorry for them. Truly. Such poor taste for wanting to see my hairy legs within the confines of a rather revealing skirt. A piece of fabric that could barely be called a skirt.

I think I deserve a laugh or two at your expense.

[ It's a blunt response, but where's the lie? After everything he's done, she deserves this. ]

Well, I have heard people are into different things. Perhaps you could shave for them?

[Of all the Six. No. Oh gods, no. Was she being serious?]

Are you asking if I would be willing to shave the hair from my legs to appease our captive audience? My dear lady, that's just-

-preposterous!

[Ok, so now he's even more embarrassed and feels so awkward talking about his legs and making them feminine.]

The answer is a solid no. Men do not shave their legs. How disgusting.

You would dare discriminate in such a way? Some men shave their legs. Are you truly that insecure in your masculinity that you would not shave your legs?

[ It's nice to have the tables turned in her favor for once. She just smiles sweetly as per usual, tipping her head slightly to the side in thought. ]

Do you even know how? Then again, if you are insecure with yourself, you probably don't.

[ ...This is a conversation she never thought she'd be having: shaving legs 101 with Ardyn Izunia. ]

Why would men need to shave them? It eludes me entirely, as to why some men would want to shirk their masculinity and be viewed as a womanly thing.

[He didn't get it. Or, he was finding this conversation entirely too awkward.]

No, I don't. Strange thing is I've never felt the desire to shave them. As for being insecure, I believe you have me all wrong, my lady. You are finding this far too amusing. Body hair on men is found attractive by the ladies; not men shaving their hair off.

But it is not shirking masculinity. Everyone has a right to do as they please.

[ The fact that she can disturb him so easily really IS amusing, but she's being good and keeping it off of her face... for now. Even as he calls her out for it, she merely cants her head to the side. ]

Not all women find body hair attractive, Chancellor. At least from what I have read. So you cannot say all women enjoy it. As for finding this amusing... I've no idea what you are talking about.

[ ...Yes she does. ]

My lady, with all due respect, you know little of masculinity being a woman yourself.

[Why yes, he is using that card. The one where he's saying you're a girl, so you have no idea about manly things. He's so mature.]

They don't? Odd. All the ones I've met have loved my stubble and body hair.

[TMI? Perhaps. This man has no shame at times.]

Do you enjoy it?

Oh, yes. Sort of like how you know next to nothing about what women really want.

[ Go for it. We can have a verbal cat fight if that's what you really want, Ardyn. ]

Times have changed, you know. As for myself...

[ Ew gross man. She's going to pretend SHE DIDN'T HEAR THAT. She's not even sure if she should be offended by his question, but she brushes it off with a small smile. ]

I have only ever had eyes for one man. Need I say more?

[ Noctis is manly enough he can pull off any look, she thinks. Eat that, Chancellor. ]

[Oh? Is that what you think? How rude. Excuse me, but he knows a lot about women. Shhh.]

Of course. Dear Prince Noctis. How could I have forgotten where your heart lies, deep within the prince of Lucis. How romantic.

[Sarcasm? Yes. Something he's good at and something he's in the mood for, since insults are now the only thing he has to use against his embarrassment.]

Noct is woefully lacking in manly features though just being a mere boy.

[ Really? This is what we're doing now? Okay, then... ]

Well, we were to be married. Should a woman not remain faithful to the man she's to call her husband? Ah... you would not know about that subject, though. Forgive me.

[ Ardyn: forever alone. ]

Noctis is far more of a man than you could ever hope to be, Chancellor. He is, by far, the most handsome, most intelligent, most honest man I have ever met. He trumps you in spades. You cannot hold a candle to my prince.

Edited 2017-04-13 18:48 (UTC)

[Ouch. That was a bit below the belt.]

You would think that, as you were born to be his bride whether you liked it or not. Your path was already set as soon as you were free of your mother's womb. A path set to marry the fair Prince Noctis and reunite the kingdoms of Tenebrae and Lucis.

[Ignore him, Luna. He's just a very bitter old man.]

I cannot hold a candle? Hm, interesting. Perhaps I could hold a sword instead? A glint of a cold blade against your lover's handsome neck? Oh, poor prince.

[ As if Ardyn has anything left down there. ]

I would choose no other fate. But it is because of you that path was put in front of not only myself, but Noctis as well. Just as it is because of you that path was erased forever. It was nothing more than a farce, but that is the story of your life is it not?

[ Oh, it's on. Now her eyes narrow, and the way she takes in a sharp, deep breath should be enough to signal she's going to start losing her temper again. ]

You act as if I would allow you to harm a hair on his head. You would not dare, and if you did, I can assure you you would wish for your immortality back... more than you probably already do.

The Fleet is a judgement free place. Don't be afraid to embrace wearing a pink skirt and showing off your legs if that's your desire.

_{[ He's smirking. A lot. Sorry Arydn. But not sorry. ]}

I beg your pardon?

[Oh gods. Not another one.]

It is not my desire to be made a fool of by whoever wrote these preposterous rumours. It seems everyone is getting the wrong impression of me and it deeply wounds my pride.

Edited 2017-04-09 06:20 (UTC)

Then fair word of advice - might want to work on some thicker skin around that pride. This is cute compared to some of the glitches I've seen. And not everything here is as private as you think.

Better that this bit about the skirt is out in the open now.

Cute? You think this is cute?

[He was fuming about the whole scandal surrounding these rumours. How dare someone write this filth about him!]

Explain to me what you mean about these....glitches you speak of.

Like I said, if you don't learn to laugh some of this stuff off, you're just going to be upset all the time, and that can't be good for your blood pressure.

_{[ It's rather interesting how upset he is over it. It wasn't even that
bad of a rumor, honestly. ]}

Hmm, they happen because of the thing they implanted in our heads. Sometimes they 'glitch' and cause weird side-effects, such as physically aging you up and down, or causing auditory and visual oddities.

Laugh it off? My dear man, my reputation could be in ruins if any of this ever gets out back to my world.

[Would it? Could it? He prayed that it couldn't leave the fleet.]

I'm the Chancellor of Niflheim. Things like this could ruin a man in my job.

[A beat.]

Visual oddities, you say? Have you experienced such things before?

Edited 2017-04-13 18:39 (UTC)

In all likelihood it won't - considering it's probably in an whole other dimension. And if this alone would ruin your reputation, then it probably needs some work anyways.

_{[ Casual burn is super casual there. ]}

Yes, I have.

_{[ The words are a touch short, not quite clipped, the message is
there. He would rather not revisit that incident. ]}

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003- [video/action] - a fool's errand

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OMG KIRK

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