driftfleet | shinra soldiers need not apply

Entry tags:

shinra soldiers need not apply

Who: Zack Fair / OTA
Broadcast: Yes!
Action: the Caprine
When: Now!

( action; caprine )
[...Alright, so that was. Weird. He was totally just on the Marsiva, but now he's on another ship, apparently! With confetti, and... pudding, which gets set aside for now, because he's sure as hell not trusting random food thrown at him willynilly.

He's more interested in the new ship itself, so he'll be exploring the place, poking his head into whatever room he comes across unless it's locked. Apologies in advance?]

( video; fleetwide )

[Have a Zack! Pulling bits of confetti out of his hair. He looks about as confused as any newcomer, though perhaps not as disturbed. He has officially Seen Some Shit, as one might guess by the semi-glowing blue eyes.]

Testing, testing... okay, we'll pretend this works. It's kinda different from standard issue ShinRa PHS, but it doesn't look that complicated...

Anyway- hey there, fellow space people. Name's Zack. Am I crazy, or are the voices in my head legit when they say I'm on TV? 'Cause, uh. I'd kind of prefer that, at this point. Not really a fan of the random voices concept.

...Aerith? Where'd you end up?

[TRIES VERY HARD NOT TO BE WORRIED]

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[....

...forgot...?

Zack's brows furrow, confused at first. What horrible things? Why is he apologizing? Sure, it stings a bit - hard to be a living legacy when you don't even remember the guy who said it - but he'd been throwing a lot of responsibility on somebody in Cloud's condition. Since arriving here he'd wondered if maybe it was too much... looks like he was right on the money with that one.]

I don't... [understand] ...what, because of the mako poisoning? You were really messed up, Cloud. It isn't your fault.

[Shakes his head hard, adjusting his grip on Zack's arm. He feels solid, he feels warm. Whenever he'd reached for Aerith in the Lifestream she'd been almost intangible, like if he held on too hard he'd go right through her but Zack, he...] Don't make excuses for me, I didn't just forget you. I-I... Zack, I pretended like I had your life. I told everyone that I was a SOLDIER First-Class, that I was there as Sephiroth's friend, in Nibelheim. I stole your life.

You... what...?

[That's...

Shit, he doesn't even know what to say to that one. His grip loosens a little, not quite letting go or pulling away, but less certain than before, holding on by a thread of swiftly dissipating joy. It's the last thing he'd expected to hear. Aerith hadn't warned him about it, either... had she known? She must've known, if she's been watching him this whole time. He's not angry, but a warning would have been nice.

Stop that, this isn't her fault either. It's our job to work this thing out, not hers.

Okay, okay... relax. What's really important, here?]

You didn't know, did you? It wasn't... on purpose?

[That doesn't sound like something Cloud would do.]

[See, that's the weird thing about blaming yourself for something; it's hard to determine whether or not it was on purpose. Cloud doesn't remember when he made the decision to cope by adopting Zack's identity over his, so he doesn't know if he did it on purpose. He could've decided consciously on the way to Midgar; maybe that was even why he'd decided to take the sword after all, but even though he'd remembered the cliffs, that time between when Zack had died and when Tifa found him at the station...everything's a complete blur.]

I-I... [Cloud bows his head, still clutching at Zack. There's no missing the disappointment on his face, and what has to be disgust in his eyes. Of course, he'd entrusted his memory to Cloud, and how had Cloud repaid him? He'd walked all over that memory. Oh gosh, he'd hit on his girlfriend, let her die, and didn't even remember his sacrifice until someone else helped him put his head back in order.]

I don't know, [Cloud says in a small voice instead, feeling almost as uneven as he had in that Crater during the Reunion. His head is muddled; things he'd remembered about Zack don't feel real, like maybe he'd just dreamed those up in his loneliness.] I don't remember.

I'm so sorry.

[Not the most definitive answer, or the one he had been hoping to hear, but as he gazes down at Cloud, as he watches him sink further and further into that guilty rut of self-loathing, Zack starts to recognize one simple fact: it doesn't really matter. He knows Cloud. They hadn't been the best of friends before Nibelheim, sure - just a few choice meetings, a handful of missions, a lunch shared amongst comrades - but for Zack, that had always been enough. And what they'd gone through together in Nibelheim had cemented that bond. He knows the quality of Cloud's character.

He's not a monster, he's not a bad person. He wouldn't have done something like this with malicious intent. Mako can do some horrible things to a person if they're overexposed, and Cloud had been drenched in too much of it for years. Of course there'd be side effects; he'd known that the moment he dragged the poor kid out of the lab.

This isn't what he wanted for Cloud when he'd sent him off with the Buster and enough hopes and dreams for the both of them. Hell, maybe his words had been the trigger for this. "Live for the both of us"? What the hell had he expected to happen? And if that's the case, he has to take some responsibility, too.]

Cloud... hey, Cloud, c'mon. Stop that, look at me.

[His heart is forever on his sleeve, so there's no hiding the hurt he's feeling, nor the disappointment. But he's not angry, and he's not disgusted, either. More than anything else, he's worried.]

[It takes an awful lot of willpower to drag his eyes back up to Zack's face, though he supposes if there's one thing he's got in his corner, it's how stubborn he can be when he wants to. And even with how ashamed he is, with how startled and shocked he is that Zack is here, somehow alive (guess those stories weren't hyperbole after all) and coherent and not a hallucination...hopefully.

He's really here. He's hurt, he's disappointed, he's upset but he's here. That's so much more than Cloud could've ever asked for back home. He should be grateful.]

I'm- [Cloud grabs Zack's other arm, staring up into his eyes, jaw set.] I'm gonna make it up to you. I promise.

[Zack's brows lift at that, eyes widening; he'd honestly expected more misery, that he'd have to talk Cloud up out of the funk he'd fallen into. And yeah, he's not exactly happy either, but that sudden, unexpected strength in his eyes...

...that's awesome, actually. He finds himself smiling, suddenly, and he grips Cloud's arm more firmly. Maybe he has less to worry about than he thought.]

You don't have to do anything. You're yourself again, aren't you? That's enough for me. I'm really, really glad you made it out of there alive.

[Cloud shakes his head again, though he finally lets go of Zack when he realizes how hard he's been hanging onto him.] You deserve to live your life too. I'm gonna make sure that happens.

[Zack's smile shifts, turning wry, standing back to rub awkwardly at his neck.]

Bit late for that, isn't it? I mean, not that I'm opposed to second chances, but...

[He has no idea why - or how - he's standing here right now.]

[Cloud sighs, stepping back to put a little space between them. With the air finally a little bit cleared and his heart finally settling down a little bit, he has to agree with Zack: this is weird. And Cloud -and probably Zack, too- can no longer look at something as just a stroke of luck or good fortune. Everything has its price and it's usually damn steep.]

I wish I could tell you what the hell's going on. [Cloud folds his arms, letting himself lean back against the wall; the pistol he'd shoved into the back of his belt digs into his hip so he wriggles it loose and sets it atop a crate.] Supposedly other people've run across friends and family who couldn't possibly be here either.

[And there's something else he wanted to ask too, thinking back to Zack's initial video post.] Zack...you mentioned Aerith.

[Ah... right. Cat's out of the bag with that one.]

I did. We were together on the other ship- the Marsiva- before we got sent to our own. She's definitely here, and... just as alive as I am.

[He's still sort of coming to terms with the fact that she'd actually died, so he's not really comfortable with saying it. Probably never will be. She'd been alive and well when he died as far as he knew - he'd just gotten her letter, had been on his way to find her again. To imagine all that time passing, her going off on some grand adventure with Cloud, seeing the world, and then dying and watching over him from the Lifestream? It's practically unfathomable. He doesn't want to imagine it, but he believes her word, at the same time.

The situation's shitty, basically.]

[Aerith.

Holy, how is he supposed to- Both of them, here and alive, hale and whole. He almost had a meltdown just now with Zack, how is he- How can even face her again? He might not have been the one to kill her, but he was damn close. She ran off because he'd attacked her, because he hadn't been strong enough to resist Sephiroth's influence. And then he was too late to follow, and he'd just stood there and- and stared when-

Cloud rubs a hand over his face again, pressing at his eyes before blowing out a breath.] So, I guess you guys talked. I'm...I'm glad you finally got to see her again. If I'd known she was the one you were trying to get back to in Midgar, I... [Would it have made a difference? He forgot everything anyway.]

[Zack nods quietly, scuffing a hand through his hair. He gets it- hard enough with one of them, but both? He'd been a bit of a mess when he thought Angeal was still alive, and that ended up being a lie, but that's not the case here. He can only imagine how Cloud must be feeling right now.]

There was nothing you could've done, man. I made my choices, and so did she. But hey, she told me you found her- how you guys went on some wild adventures. Even saved the world! It sounds amazing... I was really hoping you'd meet up somehow.

...yeah. It was all kind of a matter of chance, but... [Cloud hadn't even known to seek her out. Zack could've rambled on about her a million times while they were on the run and he'd never know any better. The labs and the escape are like this gaping wound in his head with only the occasional flash of insight, and if he's honest he never wants to get those memories back.] She'd mentioned you once or twice, but I didn't know what she meant. And she- I think she must've known something was wrong, because she always changed the subject so fast.

That... makes sense. Nobody knows me better than Aerith. If you were pretending to be me, even by mistake, she'd have noticed.

[Saying it again, so matter-of-fact, hits home how goddamned surreal the very idea is, like he's some kind of suit somebody can put on and take over. But his own actions probably hadn't helped- he'd dressed Cloud up like a SOLDIER, given him his signature sword - something Aerith definitely would have noticed, if Cloud still had it in Midgar - thrown some final-words bullshit at him about fulfilling his dreams, dreams he'd always associated with SOLDIER until Nibelheim ripped their lives apart.

If he was running on empty, Zack had handed him all the tools he'd needed to put the wrong pieces into his own head puzzle. Shit.]

It was probably too hard for her. I'd just up and disappeared one day, for years, and by the time you guys met she already knew I was gone.

Edited 2017-07-30 18:38 (UTC)

[And he'd had no idea. No- there was one time when he'd suspected, back in Gongaga, but...now's not the time to tell Zack about that. There's nothing they can do for his parents from here; it would just hurt him. Or maybe he's just trying to make excuses to be a coward about this.]

This is so much, [Cloud mumbles, a hand in his hair as he sinks down to sit against the wall.] I'd known everything was a mess, but this is even messier than I thought. I just... [Hangs his head with a sigh, elbows up on his knees. He's exhausted and he's barely even done anything.]

[Zack crouches down beside Cloud, arms resting on his thighs, and reaches up to ruffle a hand through that familiar blond hair, the way he did while they were still on the run. It never got a reaction out of Cloud, but Zack always hoped that it got through to him, somehow. Even just as a reminder that someone was still there for him, in case he was ever ready to wake up.

Even in his last moments, he...]

Hang in there. Listen, it's totally a mess, but it's nothing we can't handle. We're all here now, and we're gonna help you sort it out. I promise.

[Well. Not 'all' here. Zack and Aerith- they're the only ones he didn't expect, to be honest. Tifa, Barret, Red...everybody, really, Cloud had been expecting at least one of them to show up, but so far it's been just him and now...

And now it's the three of them. The two people he got killed.

Those kinds of thoughts won't get him anywhere. Cloud grunts and reaches up to shove Zack's hand away from his hair, though not unkindly. In fact, he's going to just be cheeky and ruffle Zack's hair while he's in reach, who do u think you are you big galoot] Don't know if you should promise something like that. Sorting things out tend to make things even messier, in my experience. We might as well just leave the mess behind and move forward.

[don't be nitpicky u punk

Zack leans back, idly running a hand through his own hair. Never had that happen before... maybe that gesture comes across as a little patronizing? It was just instinctive. He's gonna have to get used to this new Cloud.]

Well... y'know. I'm not saying we have to dig deep into everything. Some stuff I bet we'd all be happier forgetting. But if you ever have trouble with remembering something important, I'm just saying that we're here, yeah? You're not alone.

[Well- he didn't mind it but- okay well too late now. Oops.]

I'll...keep that in mind. [Don't mind him, he's just gonna look you over, nice and long. Hasn't he seen this before? Zack crouched over him just like this?] ...you look exactly the same, [Cloud murmurs before he can stop himself.]

[Zack quirks a brow, though he manages to refrain from commenting. Just what was Cloud expecting? Although... it must have been a lot longer for him, to say something like that.]

You've changed. I meant what I said before- you really do look better.

[Still kind of scrawny, and he ought to talk to Aerith about getting the kid properly fed, but seriously. It's been years since he saw Cloud so lively. It's a big deal.]

I musta really looked like shit before then, [Cloud sighs, scrubbing his hand through his hair. He hadn't been expecting to see Zack at all, but if he did he would've imagined something more like Aerith's distance, ethereal glow or something like that whenever he saw her in the Lifestream.

This is...it's very real. It's making him remember things, some of which he'd wanted to keep buried.]

We both looked like shit, buddy. If you can't remember it then you're better off.

[He'd half like to forget, himself. Cloud may have had the mako poisoning but it's not like he got out unscathed- muscle atrophy after four years in the lab, sapped strength to the point where he could barely take out a handful of ground troopers, and they weren't fed well enough besides. That year on the run is probably the healthiest he's been in ages.]

[Yeah, he can see that on his face.

Cloud scoots over and pats the ground next to him. C'mon, sit. The ground is nice and cold and hard and not at all comfortable.]

[Yeah, y'know what? Cold and uncomfortable sounds pretty good right now, so Zack tilts sideways until he falls on his butt beside Cloud, seated shoulder to shoulder.]

So... y'wanna start fresh?

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