» we're all starstruck in september

[mucked]

Who: Crew + Visitors
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Aboard the Starstruck
When: Septemberish

[ an open mingle for crew and visitors throughout the month. go wild. just not too wild. ]

Comments

[mucked]

Frankly, each refusal seems only to encourage him. [ it's inevitable. and it's exactly why steve hasn't asked her throughout this glitch -- because they both know she'll say yes, in the end, and that steals the game out from under their feet. ]

[outstandingbalance]

[You two have strange sex games. But that's between Steve and Peggy.]

I figure you know how to stop him from asking if you really want to.

[mucked]

And I may yet. [ which is dreadfully honest in and of itself. ] I haven't decided. For the time being, no one's feelings are being bruised.

[outstandingbalance]

I'm sure you'll figure out when the time is right.

[mucked]

I've been engaged before; I'm in no rush to try it again.

[ -- simple as that. somehow, it's less scary to say aloud than she'd thought it would be. ]

[outstandingbalance]

You should know I'm not judging.

[mucked]

I know. And you should know I'm not ashamed of it -- [ and therefore, disinclined to judge herself or expect the judgement of others. ] He wasn't a bad chap, really. But in the end he simply wasn't for me.

[outstandingbalance]

I just mean... you don't have to explain to me. It's your choice. I don't think you're making the wrong one.

[For her. For now.]

[mucked]

[ and in the end, nor does steve. and perhaps that's what makes the situation so comfortable: he'll check in, he'll ask, he'll badger -- but only because he's waiting for that inevitable yes. the one she feels in the corner of her heart but just hasn't quite made her peace with saying just yet. it's not a refusal he's hoping to twist into an acceptance.

and maybe that makes it easier to discuss above and beyond the glitch itself. ]

That's just it: I do have to. Explain it. [ she taps the augment. ] The difference is that you don't need it explained to you. And for that I admit I'm grateful.

[outstandingbalance]

Fair enough. Maybe you do need to. But I'm not asking, and I don't expect it.

[And on some level, she doesn't understand the dynamic that's exposed. Steve and Peggy's matched stubbornness suits them, and they enjoy it, but as much as Natasha enjoys some verbile sparring, this level of conflict and holding back strikes her as exhausting.]

As long as you're both happy with it, that's the important part. You both deserve that.

[mucked]

We are.

[ happy. and that's the gospel truth, said quick and easy and bright and happy. happy. with a flicker of a smile she can't hide. ]

Although I'm not convinced it's a question of whether it's deserved or not. But I'm certainly not complaining.

[outstandingbalance]

It's not. Plenty of people don't get what they deserve. Never do. That's part of why it's nice to see some people get it.

[At least for a while.]

[mucked]

-- I never took you for the sentimental sort, Natasha.

[ which is true enough. however, her smile lingers. there's no bite or armour to the observation. for once, her teasing intentions are laid bare and untempered by all the flak and white noise that so often gets in the way. ]

[outstandingbalance]

Oh, I'm not. [With a snort. The idea isn't insulting. It's too ridiculous to be.] But I'd like to think not entirely heartless.

[mucked]

Whatever tension there's been, [ she alludes to it too easily thanks to the glitch, ] I can assure you that is certainly never something of which I'd thought to accuse you.

[ she's known better to mistake facade for disinterest. and whatever else there might be, she knows natasha cares about steve's happiness.

what might be more of a surprise, perhaps, is that she cares about peggy's as well. it's a strange adjustment to make. ]

[outstandingbalance]

[It hadn't always been the case, really. But at some point in the last year or so, that changed.]

You'd be one of the few.

[mucked]

I've seen heartless. [ ... ] It wears a very different face.

[outstandingbalance]

Maybe. Maybe not that much different.

[mucked]

Different enough.

[ enough to tell. well, enough that she can tell. which is all that much matters to peggy. ]

[outstandingbalance]

[Natasha smiles slightly then. She's not about to argue with Peggy about her own moral failings. Especially not when Peggy has seen so much.

She'd prefer not open that door.]

If you say so.

[mucked]

-- Natasha. You know as well as I do that right now it's a bit more than a case of merely saying so.

[ but she smiles too. it's not a lecture. ]

It's a case of believing it. Knowing it.

[outstandingbalance]

I don't doubt you believe it. And I'm glad you do. I'm not going to try to change your mind.

[But that's different from believing it herself.]

[mucked]

Not that it's my opinion what should matter.

[ of that she is adamant. ]

[outstandingbalance]

It matters as much as anyone's.

[Which might have been to say that Natasha cares about Peggy's opinion, but while she does, the actual meaning is simpler. No one's opinion is going to change the facts.]

[mucked]

Except it doesn't. [ a light shrug. whatever she's about to say, it doesn't much bother her. not like it used to. ] I'm an antique, Natasha. Outside this funny little circumstance, my opinion is -- what? Dust.